AIBU?
My friend phones when he's drunk and depressed
Sorry10 · 03/10/2018 22:40
I have a long term male friend of more than 20 years who has not been well for some time with depression and recently diagnosed with a mental illness . He has many times rang me (and other friends of his and family) over the years after drinking heavily, very upset emotional a lot of rambling. I have tried many times to make him understand that he needs to see the doctor I have listened to him and been sympathetic but nothing has got through to him . I have admit on occasion ignored his phone call especially when he's tried to ring me at 5 pm on Tuesday work day knowing he's been drinking and wants to tell me that he doesn't want to live .
It has really upset me so much I have tried I really have to make him see that he needs to get help .
Recently he had a breakdown he was diagnosed and prescribed medication for mental illness and to help him stop drinking and told by doctors not to drink and referred for counselling. He rang me to tell me this info , he sounded drunk at the time but he told me he was on strong tranquillisers prescribed by doctor. He said will be seeing counsellor and I told him I really hope he got the help and support and that I would hear from him soon.
That was 2 weeks ago and tonight he rang me drunk telling me he wanted to say goodbye and that he was sorry ( he has said this every time when drunk on phone ) I was so upset that I told him he can't ring people drunk to say this time and time again . He was just drunk and just as before but I really couldn't listen to this again and told him so. I tried to say the usual and support him but it's difficult to get a drunk depressed person to listen so I ended the call .
I now feel terrible that I have given up on this person but I really can't cope with him anymore.
I know I'm terrible but he's drunk and I really don't think every time he has rang me drunk he remembers the next day he's that out of it.
It's so sad as this was once a really funny clever guy who is so ill but I can't help him .
Constructive advice appreciated what to do next ?
Saracen · 03/10/2018 23:36
I really don't know. Just one idea:
Am I right in getting the impression that your friend only (or usually) calls you when drunk? What if you stop taking calls from him at all? Instead, you be the one to initiate contact. Then you will stand a much better chance of catching him when he's sober and in the right frame of mind to have a useful discussion with you.
Plus, he may then understand that you genuinely care about him. It takes more thought and effort for you to pick up the phone and ring him than for you to just answer when he rings you.
Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 00:28
Tell him you love him and want him to get help, but you will no longer speak to him when he's drunk. Never again. Then you have to stick to it.
Sorry10 · 04/10/2018 07:04
If I have made contact by phone or text I may not hear back for days then he will ring me back drunk . I can't remember the last time I spoke to him sober .
I think I'll message him today but I have done this before. It's like a cycle I always hope that this year he gets help but it's like 2 steps forward 5 steps back .
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