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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be creeped out by my "friend"

28 replies

kuutamo · 03/10/2018 19:30

NC just in case, sorry.

So, there's this bloke whom I've been somewhat close to for a couple of months now as we're part of the same hobby workshop and we happen to work in the same building. These days though, some of the things he has said and done are seriously making me feel uneasy about the friendship/him.

For instance, he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with taking screenshots of private text messages and sending it to others or recording voice conversations for "proof", he's created fake profiles on dating sites to expose/mock people (found out about this yesterday), and the more we talk about non "fluff" topics the more I'm starting to see just how dismissive and supercilious he is to any opinion/person that doesn't 100% conform to his worldview.

Used to chalk some of his behaviours/responses to social awkwardness or something along those lines but I'm not so sure anymore.

The logical next step of course is to simply stop talking to him and move on with my life. However, a fairly large part of me is paranoid that he'll retaliate in one way or another! AIBU?

OP posts:
Susiesoop · 03/10/2018 19:34

Trust your instincts. Gently drift away gradually without him realising...no fuss...but trust your instincts

Mumminmum · 03/10/2018 19:36

What Susie said

Japonicaisstillahorsygirl · 03/10/2018 19:36

I was just about to say exactly what Susie has said

Tunnocks34 · 03/10/2018 19:36

Yanbu. Keep your distance.

I have had similar happens to me. Male colleague started, fairly friendly. Kids are he same age etc.

He recently told me in his spare time he sets up fake Facebook profiles etc and ‘trolls people’ for a laugh. When I asked for some examples, he basically said he goes into pages in memorial for people (including children) have died in say, fires, road traffic accidents and other tragedies, and basically says awful things about them, their death etc. He didn’t give me specifics luckily but I now can’t even look at him with feeling a bit sick.

He’s a teacher too, and a very good one which makes it hard to comprehend even further.

Smellyoulateralligator · 03/10/2018 19:37

Agree. A slow and managed exit. Just be busier. I had a neighbour who was like this. I realised if I spoke about myself or something he found very boring he’d scarper. So that’s all I did. Every time.

Good luck!

EdithSitwell · 03/10/2018 19:45

Tunnocks Your colleague's behaviour is not normal. It's actually very disturbing.

Tunnocks34 · 03/10/2018 19:47

I know edith I reported it to our HOD and she did investigate if we could do anything about it but with no proof etc then the school can’t act. He could say he was joking/lying etc. We only have his creepy word for it.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 03/10/2018 19:47

Bloody hell, that description more or less suggests elements of the the dark triad of personality traits!

Narcissism - I'm starting to see just how dismissive and supercilious he is to any opinion/person that doesn't 100% conform to his worldview.

Machiavellianism - *For instance, he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with taking screenshots of private text messages and sending it to others or recording voice conversations for "proof", he's created fake profiles on dating sites to expose/mock people

Pyscopathy - Antisocial behaviour, selfishness and remorselessness.

I know that on mumsnet there is frequent application of amateur psychology and I normally would be careful about using labels but in this case I think it is warranted!

Slowly disentangle yourself from him in a non confrontational way, then run.... the hills are that way ----->

Thebeautifullisette · 03/10/2018 19:52

That’s bizarre isn’t it tunnocks. Recently there was a terrible tragedy in Holland with four children being killed in an accident and one of the people making horrible comments on (I think) Facebook turned out to be a primary school teacher! Who was promptly fired over it. It beggars belief.

Like others, I agree with Susie, slow fade, ‘I’ve just been so busy’, etc.

FullOfJellyBeans · 03/10/2018 20:06

However, a fairly large part of me is paranoid that he'll retaliate in one way or another! AIBU?

Trust your instincts. If you think he might retaliate because you cool off on the friendship than he's not a nice person.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 03/10/2018 20:07

Tunnocks34 Your colleague sounds like a very disturbed individual, how unfortunate that he can't be held accountable for his disgusting behaviour. You flesh must crawl just to be in his presence.

EK36 · 03/10/2018 20:15

Trust your instincts. He not a nice person at all. Withdraw from him and if he speaks/texts you..be careful as he may record/take screen shots from you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/10/2018 20:19

I don’t think the screen shots/recordings are anything you need to worry about. I would aim to be as bland as possible with him and limit contact. Don’t get into a confrontation with this horrible man.

sonjadog · 03/10/2018 20:22

I would try to manage your way out of this one. Like one poster said, be very uninteresting to him and see if he will wander off.

Rudgie47 · 03/10/2018 20:23

I'd block him on your phone/facebook etc and if you see him at work or at the group I'd just say I was very busy with family and work etc.
I'd be polite but bright and breezy and have nothing more to do with him.

Original poster
kuutamo · 03/10/2018 20:23

Tunnocks34 that's awful! They, or at least the bloke in my case, seem fairly proud about it too unfortunately.

Yeah, a slow drift away sounds best. Still feeling extremely disturbed at the thought of my text messages (mostly trivial junk but there were some personal stuff in there and I have a feeling that anything can be misconstrued in screenshots without any context) and possibly voice recordings having a permanent spot on his storage drive/cloud though. I mean, I've seen recent screenshots of very private convos with someone he had 6 years ago when he wanted to make a point ffs!

Confused
OP posts:
BlueJava · 03/10/2018 20:25

A slow, graceful, well-managed exit is just what you need! Crikey that is not normal!

MadameButterface · 03/10/2018 20:27

grey rock grey rock grey rock

what a weirdo

Belina · 03/10/2018 20:28

Trust your gut op and from reading this he is weird

MixedMaritalArts · 03/10/2018 20:30

Float off into the ether these folk are a nightmare if they take ’agin you ! Graceful disengagement is the only way.

McFugget · 03/10/2018 20:38

Good grief. Agree with PP who said grey rock him. Probably one of those MRA/MGTOW oddballs.

NotTerfNorCis · 03/10/2018 20:53

I had a friend who used to think it was okay to secretly record and photograph people. The only way to get through to him that he was doing something wrong was to get angry with him, and even then he didn't really understand. I remember he filmed me through my kitchen window once when I didn't know he was there. He was the epitome of social awkwardness, though.

category12 · 03/10/2018 21:04

Be incredibly dull.

cheesemongery · 03/10/2018 21:15

OMG stay away! I stupidly trusted an old friend and helped this person out massively some years later. Everything you listed happened to me.

This person will of course think you are completely in the wrong for distancing yourself, will probably tell others how weird you are - BUT just get away from him.

I don't suppose his surname is the name of a flower? If so run a mile - now.

TatianaLarina · 03/10/2018 21:32

Fuck the slow thing just stop talking to him.