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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or has my colleague been a bitch?

68 replies

QueenOfIce · 03/10/2018 19:26

Colleague emailed a company that I had dealt with several times due to needing an invoice for accounts dept. I sent 3 emails all of them nice and explaining that I needed the invoice as soon as possible at no point was I rude. Colleague was not copied into any of the emails.

Today I receive a copied email from the company saying how sorry they were etc etc and invoice attached underneath my colleague had written an email giving the company feedback (for a different issue but included the lack of invoice issue) she also wrote that she apologised on my behalf as I can be a little abrupt.

I can indeed be abrupt in person however when I am trying to get something done I have never sent rude emails as I don't feel they are in any way productive.

So given she wasn't privy to my conversations was her comment a tad bitchy and unnecessary? Hmm

OP posts:
WatsonCat · 03/10/2018 21:18

It's not very professional to be short with colleagues. I think their story of what you are like to work with may be very different to your story of how you are at work.

Believeitornot · 03/10/2018 21:23

Well if people think you’re abrupt then that’s something to address. It isn’t about how you think you are, it’s about how people tell you that you are.

I had someone in my team who had no clue just how rude they came across in emails and in person. They thought they were being to the point and straight but actually it was rude at times.

MrsKnickers12 · 03/10/2018 21:25

I think she just felt bad for your client - if you;re abrupt, no wonder she felt the need to write what she did

WatsonCat · 03/10/2018 21:29

I wonder if at some point the client has verbally told your colleague that they find you rude and abrupt?

KickAssAngel · 03/10/2018 21:29

Is this a big deal? If it's something that doesn't really matter, I'd let it go now. If it can have longer consequences, then maybe follow up on this.

Original poster
QueenOfIce · 03/10/2018 21:35

I've never been pulled up for being abrupt! I don't work in an office environment I have a weird job that means I'm away for long periods with a small team. We spend 24/7 together we all get short sometimes. She assumed incorrectly and I don't feel it's professional to ever apologise on behalf of someone else especially when the company (not client we are the client) hasn't complained.

OP posts:
awatchedpot · 03/10/2018 21:37

Even if you do come across sometimes as a bit abrupt, it's hardly a major crime, Your emails are fine and business like. What your colleague did was really unprofessional - apologising to a client on your behalf. It's also not what a good colleague would do and is actually underhand. It should only be done really if your client had complained about rudeness etc. I think you should consider mentioning it in passing to your boss (but only if you have a very good relationship with your boss otherwise you risk your boss thinking that you may be abrupt too, which is why your colleague is so underhand - what she did means suddenly everyone thinks you're a bit abrupt even if you're not). Also be very wary of this colleague.

awatchedpot · 03/10/2018 21:39

Sorry - if you're not the client, that's even worse! She had no business apologising, if you are the client.

awatchedpot · 03/10/2018 21:41

Sorry meant if you are the client, that's even worse and there's no need to apologise if you are the client!

twattymctwatterson · 03/10/2018 22:01

Op she was out of line but why do you think it's ok to be short with colleagues? It's really not on and as it's something you freely admit to here, it's really something you should work on. You may never have been pulled up on it, but it's still unprofessional and unpleasant

Original poster
QueenOfIce · 03/10/2018 22:05

Twatty we all get short at times, I have been but it's not a regular occurrence I'm not perfect. We are together 24/7 for many weeks we become a sort of dysfunctional family. We are a very small team that have worked together for many years and at times we have all had our moments we are human and flawed. If I'm wrong I'm not afraid to own that and apologise to anyone.

OP posts:
sophiec123 · 03/10/2018 23:02

I don't think the issue is whether you're short or not. That has nothing to do with it! She's being totally unprofessional and almost looking for a reason to be "pally" with this company by undermining you and actually apologising on behalf of you. Sorry but I'd be reporting this, especially that you are both the same level. Even if you have contacted her, reporting it to someone higher may stop all of the patronising.. I know what it's like to be treated this way by someone less or equally qualified as you, I'd put a stop to it before it carries on.

Also, to add, a job needs doing, if that makes you abrupt then so be it!

manitz · 04/10/2018 17:33

Yes I agree. Your shortness or not is irrelevant.

I second that you should have a word with your boss about this. I guess if you want to, as an aside, you could ask boss if your occasional abruptness is an issue. But really this is about teamwork - her email undermines you & is unprofessional.

WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave · 04/10/2018 17:40

She's making you appear abrupt by suggesting it. Sounds like crafty undermining to me. You aren't on the sane level are you? Or judged by your amount of clients?

WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave · 04/10/2018 17:41

Ffs same level. You need to speak to your boss.

Turquoise123 · 04/10/2018 17:42

Well you know where you are with her now don't you .

She has been shown to be sly .

Good luck with that in the future - don't envy you

ToftyAC · 04/10/2018 17:53

Oooo I’d have torn her a new arsehole. However, I think it best to escalate it upwards as she has been very unprofessional

Maelstrop · 04/10/2018 17:55

ForWard the lot to your manager, tell him/her stupid colleague dictated one of the emails and that she has undermined you for no reason and been horribly unprofessional. I wouldn’t let this lie. Why did she presume you’d been abrupt?

fruitbrewhaha · 04/10/2018 18:04

No one ever complains about a man being abrupt, he is direct, or authoritarian or obviously very important and busy, but women, unless we fawn and flower everything up, we are rude.

TwinMummy1510 · 04/10/2018 18:10

I think my concern here is what else is being said behind your back? You don't know what prompted this - she gave no reason in her explanation. She's been caught red-handed this time but what else has she said to other people about you? I'd be extremely concerned and I also think it's incredibly unprofessional running you down and apologising for your conduct to an external company. It's inappropriate and unacceptable.

I'd absolutely be going to your boss about this in a calm and controlled manner. As someone suggested above, I'd forward the email chain to your boss and say you're concerned to see these comments as it undermines your authority for future dealings with the company. Explain to your boss that you've approached this other individual and asked for an explanation but she was unable to explain the reason for it. I'd also take the opportunity to ask if there is a problem with your attitude or the way you speak to others? It'll put you in a good light if you seem to be seeking feedback and it will be helpful for you to know either way.

FWIW, I don't think being short with colleagues occasionally in the circumstances you describe is the crime of the century. I think you've just been incredibly honest. I suspect most people have at one time or another been abrupt or short with their colleagues especially if they work in close proximity with them as you describe - none of us are perfect.

As an aside, I'm wondering what your relationship is like with this individual normally? You said she likes to act like your superior despite being a peer. It sounds to me she is trying to get ahead by making you look bad.

CoraPirbright · 04/10/2018 18:20

Totally agree with Twin

Mrspiggy456 · 04/10/2018 18:20

I don't think YABU at all. If I was in your position I would be watching your back. I have a colleague that is the same level as me, but also seems to think she is my boss. She's a bit younger than me and occasionally I let it slide, but something like this would make me speak up. Who does she think she is apologising for you when there's been no complaint?? Sneaky cow!

cherish123 · 04/10/2018 18:20

Your colleague was unprofessional.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 04/10/2018 18:36

Unprofessional of your colleague. But how rude are you to your colleagues for someone to think they need to say that?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/10/2018 18:42

Print out all the emails and take them to the (real) boss of both of you.. She's apologising to outside people about you, without your knowledge, not raising it with you Who knows what else she's said to outside of company folk without you knowing.
Dont tell her until after you've spoken to your actual boss. Or maybe not at all. Contact other outside person by phone and ask them if they are happy with your communications . If they say yes. Ask them to email you and show these to your boss too. Keep a record of this stuff. It could be useful to defend yourself as she sounds quite undermining.
Who wants flowery accounts emails? These things should be short so as not to waste people's time.

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