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AIBU?

To want people to stop touching my baby!

27 replies

PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 16:42

I don’t even know where to start with this one! I probably am being U but I think it’s been going on for 6 months now and it’s getting worse!

I don’t mind the chat and the lovely comments especially when it makes LO smile, but people are starting to get a little invasive!

At a restaurant a woman reached over my shoulder in between me and DH to stoke her face. I smiled and moved away and she followed me and did it again.

Today a man ticked her tummy so again I smiled and walked away and he actually followed me round the shop trying to talk to her. when I bent down to get baby wipes he was there again holding her hand! I rushed out and he went ahead of me to hold the door and actually put his hands on the pram leaning over to talk to her so I didn’t say anything and just pushed the pram away quickly and basically ran off!!

So much other similar stuff has happened but she was premature and on antibiotics for a while so I was open with people and just said she’s just out of hospital please don’t hold her etc. Obviously with friends and family it’s different and I’m fully aware of their hygiene but it’s not even just that!

Is it just me that feels like this?

As I said at first the comments etc were nice as it did make me feel less lonely, people being friendly out and about.

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Jamieson90 · 03/10/2018 16:49

YANBU

Nothing wrong with comments or chatting but I wouldn't dream of going up to a stranger's baby and start touching them.

I do sometimes find myself pulling funny faces at baby's that stare at me though Grin

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PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 16:52

I do that too Grin and my LO loves that because she’s so nosey. I love people interacting with her, anything that makes her smile. But why touch! Gerroff!

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todaysname18 · 03/10/2018 16:54

Not unreasonable. Agree I'm more than happy for people to interact with ds, he's 6 months and absolutely loves people! But I just don't think there's any need to touch a stranger's baby

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PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 16:57

What do you do if someone is obviously...how do I say...unclean... she’s teething so her hands are always in her mouth and this man who held her hand today had grubby plasters all over his hands Confused

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MemoryOfSleep · 03/10/2018 16:59

I hate it when this happens! Yanbu.

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ParadiseLaundry · 03/10/2018 17:05

I hated strangers touching DS when he was little and trying to pick him up.

YANBU. But in a few minutes the strangers-have-a-right-to-touch-your-baby-and-it-doesn't-matter-if-it-upsets-you brigade will show up to administer your flaming.

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SaigonSaigon · 03/10/2018 17:11

Oh my god, I'm so with you. I just don't get it. I wouldn't dream of touching a strangers baby. I hate it when a stranger grabs my 7 months hand or strokes her head or cheek. Hate it!! It did used to be a germ thing when she was younger but not so much now. It's just invasive.

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AnneProtheroe · 03/10/2018 17:17

I won't touch but I will smile at babies. I think it's because my baby is now 22. :)

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Poodles1980 · 03/10/2018 17:17

Sorry I think you are being precious and uabu. People are taking the time to chat to you and admire your baby, it’s only natural to want to hold their hand or give their cheek a rub, people are human and it’s human nature. If you are worried about germs then what are you going to do when your baby can crawl and lick the floor by themselves. You also have to remember that you and your baby might be the only people that person has spoken to all day, they might just want to be nice and Atp for a wee chat and a look. Be kind

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PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 17:23

Poodles I totally get that and as I’ve said the interaction is lovely and we honestly never get anywhere on time because of the conversations we stop to have and the people we meet.

Saigon exactly it’s not even just the germ thing!

Grin Paradise you are right, i fully expect it. I just think being chased round a shop and made to feel really uncomfortable isn’t acceptable when it’s been made clear (politely) I don’t want to interact. I must admit most of the time I’m to polite to do anything

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PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 17:26

Oh and not too worried about germs generally. I won’t go into details of leaf eating and emergency dummy situations Smile

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ParadiseLaundry · 03/10/2018 18:09

You are right, it absolutely isn't acceptable and if it was anyone other than a stranger trying to touch your baby chasing you around a shop and harassing you the whole of mumsnet would be up in arms telling you to log it with 101 Grin

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PossibiliTea · 03/10/2018 18:13

Paradise 😂 reading it back you are right, and it did make me feel so uncomfortable! I didn’t even get what I needed to Shock I just ran out!

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ParadiseLaundry · 03/10/2018 18:14

'ou also have to remember that you and your baby might be the only people that person has spoken to all day, they might just want to be nice and Atp for a wee chat and a look'

Ok, I'll bite. But the Op doesn't have a problem with that (aside from the fact she has no personal responsibility to make sure people have interaction on the off chance that they're lonely) she objects to people touching her baby. Are you really saying she should tolerate something she is uncomfortable with because it makes a stranger happy?

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overagain · 03/10/2018 19:48

I actually like it. I like that baby's bring out the softer side in most people and that they cause people to interact. Baby's need a herd and are deliberately cute and appealing to safeguard themselves from harm and neglect. It's instinctual in people. Plus it is good for their immune system.

I just can't get worked up about it.

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Mightymousie · 03/10/2018 20:34

YANBU hate it. Makes me feel weird. Smiling and interacting is lovely, but the touching, it’s rude.

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Mightymousie · 03/10/2018 20:38

Although the other day in the drs an elderly lady came to sit beside me to look at my ‘lovely baby’ she chatted and as we waited she reached out to her hand. I was fine with that, the whole time was lovely, but when people swoop into the face area it’s not ok.

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SaigonSaigon · 03/10/2018 21:20

I agree Mightymousie - smiling, interacting - all good. It's lovely when that happens. And yes the time an elderly lady might grab their hand after a chat with you. All good. It's the swooping in, grabbing, stroking face - it's not very nice. Can't imagine baby would really want it either!

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Lethaldrizzle · 03/10/2018 21:34

I think it's lovely. Have/had no problem with it what do ever.

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Lethaldrizzle · 03/10/2018 21:34

*So ever

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toffee1000 · 03/10/2018 22:54

It’s natural to want to stop and chat, yes. But it would never ever occur to me to touch a stranger’s baby!! Nor would I touch a stranger’s bump. It’s an invasion of personal space.

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HaveADayOff · 03/10/2018 23:02

I wouldn't like a stranger coming up to me and rubbing my face or holding my hand; in fact, that could be classed as harassment ! So why is it okay to do it to a strangers baby, who may or may not have some kind of immunity illness that they haven't resolved yet?

YANBU

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garethsouthgatesmrs · 03/10/2018 23:03

I actually think you are being a little precious, holding hands is hardly intimate contact. If the baby was upset that would be different. The rules of personal space just don't apply in the same way with babies, if they did would you let your friends and family hold your baby? Things are different with babies.

Obviously touching face or kissing no way but the touching you've described I personally feel is acceptable. I also think if you don't want something to happen to your baby you should make it stop. Say no. I say that as someone who hates confrontation but I wouldn't let that get in the way of preventing my baby from being protected.

They don't need to be protected from a stranger being friendly and holding their hand while they smile though.

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DeltaZulu89 · 03/10/2018 23:05

I know exactly how you feel. I was changing my baby in my car boot (don’t ask!) and a random woman came over, took off her filthy gardening gloves and started stroking my 8 week old baby’s face while her bum was hanging out and she was screaming blue murder after having her vaccinations earlier that day. It’s not great tbh. There’s a time and a place eh? Oh and as for “yes but think of the germs they will encounter later” that’s later, when those immune systems are a bit more developed and those tiny bodies are a bit bigger and stronger and better at handling bacteria etc.

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MumUnderTheMoon · 03/10/2018 23:13

You are not being unreasonable. I think people can be overly tactile with other people's babies. I wouldn't dream of stroking a babies face or touching their tummy it's way too personal I am however guilty of shaking hands. If I wee one reaches out and I'm having a chat with their parent I will do that. It is important to stand up for yourself if you're uncomfortable just say calmly and politely please don't touch her and then less politely if they persist.

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