I do sympathise with her. She lives in a high crime, high drug dealing area and she wants to get out. Her car has been vandalised 3 times, she regularly sees the police on her street, and the only outdoor space in her block of flats is a playground which is dangerous for the children as it’s covered in needles and used condoms.
She’s in a council flat, and has been told she’s band 5 to move (absolute lowest priority there’s 5 bands, 1 being highest) so is unlikely to move within a few years. So she wants me and DD, aged 3 to move in with her so we can claim we’re overcrowded and move (she also has my disabled brother living with her – he has a lot of independence but does need reminders to shower or to eat).
But I don’t want to. I was lucky with my flat as I live in an ok area, close to DDs Nursery and I’m close enough to my mum that she can visit everyday if she wants but I can still have my own life. I like my independence, and I don’t want to feel guilty for staying up late, or watching something on the telly that my mum doesn’t like. I also have a cat, my mum has two cats and when we’ve tried to introduce them all before they didn’t like each other, so I’d have to get rid of my cat who means the world to me and my DD. I’d also lose my tax credits and most of my housing benefit due to my mum working which I know isn’t a huge thing but I like being financially independent. I work but get ¾ of my rent paid as I can only work PT due to DDs age and me being an LP – I do also get CB and DLA for DD (she has developmental delays and mobility issues).
AIBU and selfish? I feel really guilty that I won’t help my mum move. But I don’t feel like I can help. Even if I helped her then moved out later, I’d have to go back on the list myself and with my mum having a big enough place I’d be unlikely to get anywhere. I currently privately rent, but it’s a secure tenancy that the council helped me get, the LL has given me a contract for 5 years – I’m on year 2 of that so I’d have to pay to get out of my own tenancy.