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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should the DCs help us to bury the cat?

15 replies

Letsmove1t · 03/10/2018 14:44

Not sure what to do and need a quick decision, your help is needed please. Our cat died today, do I dig a hole, bury him and fill it in and show DCs the spot or he looks peaceful and is curled up, so do they stroke him and say goodbye and we put him in the hole together? DCs are5&8 thanks all

OP posts:
VelociraptorRex · 03/10/2018 14:50

I'd let them help, I remember being devastated at about 5 when our dog was buried while I was at school. I think it's important that they understand where kitty has gone, and that it's ok to be sad but at least they know where it is. Depends on how sensitive your DCs are though, do they know yet?

recklessruby · 03/10/2018 14:58

I d let them help too and shed a few tears together. If you bury cat while they are at school they might not understand what's happened or where he's gone.
Unfortunately death is a part of life and being a pet owner and I think many of us were first aware of this by losing a pet.
Horrible situation though. Was he ill or old and did they know that? Flowers

MiddleClassProblem · 03/10/2018 15:01

I would. It does depend on the child but I find sharing these things as a family keeps the conversation open regarding emotions etc.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/10/2018 15:01

Ps so sorry for your loss Flowers

VelociraptorRex · 03/10/2018 15:02

Yes sorry OP that was rude of me, I'm so sorry about the cat, it's very sad Thanks

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 03/10/2018 15:03

I'd let them stroke him and say goodbye and then take him to the vet for disposal. No way would I bury a dead animal in my back garden.

Sorry about your kitty though Flowers

carbuckety · 03/10/2018 15:04

We always have a funeral for animals. And a headstone! ( Not a real one). Kids say something, sing something, cry. It's important I think. Theybare adults now but we still talk about old pets

cricketmum84 · 03/10/2018 15:05

We lost our last DCat when kids were similar ages. My (cat hating) husband found his body and buried him while me and the kids were at work/school and erected a cross in the garden. I told him not to wait until we were all home.
I don't think there is any benefit in letting your DC see the body. It will just upset them even more. If at 5 & 8 they don't understand that something is dead until they see it's dead (as per PP) then you have bigger problems than a dead cat.
So sorry for your loss and thinking of you as you tell the kids. I know it's one of the hardest parts of losing a pet Thanks

NaiceHamPlease · 03/10/2018 15:05

I'd wait till after school and explain what has happened and ask if they'd like to help say good bye. They could help will a little ceremony, a few words, a picture or a little toy go with puss up to catty heaven. I know as a kid I didn't want to watch the actual burial of our cat bi8t I did paint a stone to mark the spot and we planted pussy willow once.

Aromatica · 03/10/2018 15:09

Don't bury the cat yet. Keep in a covered box and ask them " do you want to say goodbye?" "Do you want to see or touch her?"
Please don't do either without asking.

The little one in particular may be traumatised at seeing a dead body . They might want to remember the cat alive.
I was a state as a child seeing my adored cat dead, I found her so there was no choice. Unfortunately the vision of her dead was behind my eyelids for months.

Maybe helping with burying but avoid seeing her dead body will be best.

Good luck telling them, will be very sad day. Do something very nice all together after you bury the pet.
Thinking of you x

Original poster
Letsmove1t · 03/10/2018 15:10

Ah thank you all and your lovely thoughts, I'm shedding a tear too. I think I'll wrap him in an old bit of fabric and put in a cardboard box and ask if they want to say bye and bury or just say bye to the box, so as you say they know where he is but don't have to look. They kind of understand death, we lost a relative they had met once, but so far we are v fortunate with regard to family and friends

OP posts:
Aromatica · 03/10/2018 15:13

And garden burial tips. Make the hole much much deeper that you think necessary, and find a large slab to cover the area for next few months.

A friend had secondly traumatised children after not burying a pet cat properly.
Good luck.

19lottie82 · 03/10/2018 15:15

Don’t bury the poor wee thing. Take it to the vet for cremation. It’s not very expensive.

AornisHades · 03/10/2018 15:15

Dd made little bracelets for our cats to be buried with.
Sorry for the loss of your cat Flowers

Youshallnotpass · 03/10/2018 15:16

One of my youngest memories is saying goodbye to my first cat. I couldn't have been much older than 5 or 6 but has stuck with me to this day. I can remember her clearly and although the circumstances suck - I am pleased I have that memory

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