wanting more space and privacy as a new mum..

[KateX22]

Hello everyone..I've just joined mumsnet. I am currently 37 weeks+3 d (first pregnancy), and I am starting to question my ability to think reasonably-dunno if it's down to hormones :-)
My partner's sister has come to stay with us (since beginning of August) to look for work in the UK. I knew she had two interviews booked before coming however I also knew she had no previous work experience so I was apprehensive of the time it would take to find a job. As it turned out, she speaks very little English too-which I wasn't aware of, I was thinking "how bad could it be"..so this makes things more difficult in terms of adjusting in the country. She is still staying with us (we have a two bed flat), however, I am expecting my parents to come and help us with late pregnancy and baby, and of course share this moment with us. My partner and his family knew from early on that my parents would come before my DD and stay with us for at least a month-they are obviously staying in the spare bedroom, where my sister in law is currently sleeping. I have had numerous conversations with my partner about this, i.e. where she will go when my parents arrive-she doesn't have a job, little money and she is not even confident enough to go out there on her own. I got the sense that she took it for granted she would stay with us for however long it would take, so apart from looking for work in her field, she hasn't really looked for any job so that she can earn money and live on her own. My partner is in a difficult position as it's his sister and wants to help her, however, we can't afford to help her move into a shared flat, not with my income split in half due to MAT leave pay. The current plan is that she sleeps in the living room and we'll probably put her big suitcase there too. We have a relatively small living room, and I can picture my parents, my self and her and all the baby stuff plus her stuff in the living room and start to feel claustrophobic..I've told my partner that this whole scenario makes me anxious, as I feel I need to have that extra space in the living room if I need to chill or watch TV instead of feeling that the only place I can relax is our bedroom. I also don't know how I'm going to be when the baby comes-I would ideally like to breastfeed in the living room watching something on TV, but that would be impossible if someone sleeps or sits there all the time.
I've been having increased heart rate and suspect that my blood pressure goes up because of this. I am trying to stay calm however I find it very difficult. She is also not helping with house chores unless you specifically ask her to do something. So it feels I am at the end of my rope and really can't decide if I am being unreasonable, over-dramatic or hormonal about the whole thing...

I appreciate your comments!

I.think having so many people staying would be very stressful.

Are your parents coming from overseas? Can they stay nearby or could you go to them? If they live here in the UK.

I think the sister probably needs to find a job asap or think about going home while she applies for jobs. Some companies will do initial interviews via Skype so maybe she should come back when she has more solid job plans

I think in a lot of cultures it is normal for a woman's mum to come and stay for a while after the birth of a new baby. Most of the new mums I know had their mum stay for at least a couple of weeks after the baby was born. I know of one grandma who stayed with her daughter for six weeks PP. Personally, it doesn't sound like my cup of tea, but each to their own.

Can you go stay with your parents?

She needs you leave either which way, she's lazy and cheeky assuming she can stay as long as she likes. Tell her leave, she is banking on you being a walk over and letting her stay.

Whether or not other posters would have their parents stay is irrelevant, you want yours and had it arranged before sil arrived

Her move has failed. she doesn't have the required language skills.

She needs to go back home to her mummy and daddy and study further.

Perhaps DH and DSIL are from a culture where such support is normal. Just as OP seems to be from a culture where your parents come to stay for a month when you have a newborn and live in a flat.
OP you obviously knew there was a possibility that your DSIL and DPs would all be with you at the same time. If that ever seemed like a good idea to you then it may be your hormones that are making you question it now.
Personally, I'd find out if there are any other relatives DSIL could stay with for a while or I'd suggest DSIL return home for a holiday whilst continuing to apply for jobs using your address. She can come back if she finds something.
I think it's a bit unfair to blame possible health concerns on your DSIL when you're not drawing the obvious conclusion that your DPs' visit is equally responsible for the lack of space.

The fact she is expecting to be waited on and isn't helping out is the reason to kick his sister out now. Tell your OH his sister needs to leave in 2 weeks otherwise you are moving out. Find someone else to stay with and at the 2 week point go to stay with them so you OH realises you are serious and tells his sister to leave.

I had periods where I've lived free with friends' and family while job hunting, and I always done housework as that's the least you can do.

Thank you for all the responses!!
as I never dealt with babies before, I really had no idea of what to expect for. My parents are visiting from the country we're all from (EU) and even if my partner gets paternity leave for 2 weeks, he has this business project on the side that he will probably have to tend to occasionally-so I thought I could use my parents's extra help with practical things, like cooking, shopping etc. I don't know how I'll feel but I don't think my parents will bother me as much-they are discreet and said they will stay only as much as we need them-so it could be less than a month, especially if some of you suggest that we don't need that much help with a newborn! I understand they would be more of a help when baby is a bit older? :-(
As for my SIL, she is very spoiled, her parents obviously let her get away with anything and my partner feels sorry for her, keeps protecting her but actually enabling her behaviour. If she goes back to our home country she might lose that momentum of looking for work, so we thought it might not be fair to her. My mistake was not having a clear conversation the day she arrived, we left it too late.. I like the idea of live in work, but I think she is too cocky to accept it (she studied civil engineering and it seems that she doesn't want any other job). I will bring it up though..
All your comments were very helpful, I feel more confident asking her to leave!

I wouldn't underestimate how nice it can be to have help in the first month. It's great that all some people's baby's did the first month was sleep, but all mine did was cry and vomit and sleep for short periods But only on 'people cots'.

SIL definitely needs to go though, glad that's getting sorted out.

I agree it sounds like your SIL needs to find alternative accommodation.
As a counter to everyone saying you don't need your parents there - my mum came for a week before the birth and stayed around 10 days afterwards along with my Dad who arrived the day after the birth and they were INVALUABLE! They did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, making cups of tea for visitors, and also a load of jobs like pruning in the garden, filling the freezer with batch-cooked healthy meals and decorating the nursery, that we just wouldn't have got around to. They were amazing and it meant my husband and I could focus 100% of our time and attention on establishing breastfeeding and bonding with the baby. I look back on it as a totally magical time, if a bit tiring. They were also very sensitive about advice and only offered words of wisdom if asked, so they didn't take over in any way.
However, I can imagine lots of parents would be a total nightmare, so don't have them just because they expect to come.

I can't imagine anything worse than having family to stay with a newborn, and we have a big house. It sounds like your parents are very understanding which is great, but it also sounds like your flat is just too small. That's potentially 7 of you in a two bed flat for two weeks?!

The SIL definitely has to go, as for your parents it's up to you. But when they're all tired and grumpy because everyone is waking every 2-3 hours you'll resent each other which wasn't the point of having the help. Newborns really don't need much other than feeding, nappies and cuddles. Good luck

Sorry - 6 of you

I think if you use the angle of get any job in order to have an active c.v. so you can attract employers might work. It's certainly better than saying that she's overstayed her welcome, which maybe true but isn't what she or I suspect your partner wants to hear.

There's plenty of agencies that she can sign upto if she's got her heart set on civil engineering. She can search the civil engineering professional body website for vacancies.