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Son at nursery, don't feel terrible?

25 replies

Newmum397 · 03/10/2018 07:45

First week back to work after a years maternity leave. When i say son is at nursery most people ask 'oh isn't it horrible to leave him, you must feel terrible'. Actually no it's bloody brilliant! I adore my son, but I love my job and was going out of my mind at home. DH expected me to do everything because I wasn't working and I was getting fed up. Finally feel like I get to do something just for myself, practically skipped into work my first day! Am I a monster?

OP posts:
Mabelface · 03/10/2018 07:46

Nah. you're doing what so many mums and dads do. Enjoy your adult time.

PurpleMac · 03/10/2018 07:47

Definitely not. I go back to work in a few weeks but DS started at the childminder 2 weeks ago (just two days whilst I'm still off work). I feel horrible when I'm at home and he's there, but when I did a KIT day last week it didn't bother me in the slightest leaving him.

icelollycraving · 03/10/2018 07:47

No. I felt like myself returning to work after maternity. I found being off lonely and boring. I need structure.
People like to make working mums feel shit. Some people do the same to sahm. Lots of people are arses. Enjoy work!

Hellohah · 03/10/2018 07:49

No ... I had 11 months off work with DS, I had nobody, none of my friends had kids and they were all working, all my family were at work and as much as I love DS, by heck was I ready for adult conversation daily haha.
And DS loved nursery, it made me so happy and proud seeing him march on in to play with his friends and have fun all day

SendintheArdwolves · 03/10/2018 07:49

That's not enough info to tell if you're a monster or not (maybe you devour kittens at midnight or something) but it sounds like you have a pretty shit DH.

hedgehogboots · 03/10/2018 07:50

I felt like a feeding and cleaning robot with no other purpose until I went back to work full time. DD loves nursery and has fantastic relationships with all the staff and other children. She would be devastated if I pulled her out. She’s been in full time for a year now and I don’t regret a thing, DD has learnt so much there as well. The services would not be there if they weren’t meant to be usedSmile

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 03/10/2018 07:50

Nobody expects dads to trudge into work filled with guilt. Fuck that! Enjoy the adult time. And make sure you split the work at home!

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 03/10/2018 07:51

Just watch out that your husband doesn't continue expecting you to do everything.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 03/10/2018 07:51

God no. I couldn't wait.
I was bored fucking rigid with all that playing and glittery shit business before dd went. Once she was there, and I was back at work, I was a far better mother than I had been before.

midgwit · 03/10/2018 07:52

Not a monster. People never say this shit to men.
I went back to work when my son was 8 months as I started a new job (was a freelance contractor before but could no longer work away). He loved nursery from the first day, which did make it easier, but I could never be a SAHM as I found being at home all day way more difficult than working!

Purplestorm83 · 03/10/2018 07:52

Nope, I agree, I was thrilled to go back to work after having my daughter, and it really helped me recover from my PND. The only thing I felt guilty about was the fact that I didn’t feel guilty leaving her 🤔

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/10/2018 07:53

As lovely as kids are you do need that break. Glad you're going to make the most of it. Im sure he'll be having a fab time, too.

RayRayBidet · 03/10/2018 07:56

I never felt guilty leaving mine. I didn't miss them either. I loved working and it made me a better mum when I was with them as I felt better.
I don't miss them now when they stay with PIL or my parents. I know they are safe and having fun and that they will be back. My husband works away a lot and I don't miss him either. I know he is coming back and I have everything under control at home.
I'm a witch.

Trampire · 03/10/2018 08:00

No. Don't buy into the "I love my kids the most and I'm counting the seconds until they're back in my arms" bollocks.

My kids are in Secondary School and this kind of competitive parental love got really towards the end of Primary.

Don't feel guilty. You shouldn't feel guilty. My two went to a CM at 8 months and they literally never batted an eyelid. CM used to send me photos of them at the zoo, the beach, making cakes and out in the woods with all smiley faces while I was sat at my desk. It was great.
If your Dc is happy then you've done you're job in finding them a great place to be while you're at work.

FluffyMcCloud · 03/10/2018 08:04

Agree with a PP who says men never get this guilt nonsense! No one ever asked my DH if he felt terrible leaving his child after 2 weeks paternity leave. In fact he got “bet you are glad to be back for a break!” 🙄
We all parent differently. Doesn’t make it wrong! Enjoy your life the way that works for your whole family!

Newmum397 · 03/10/2018 08:06

Glad I am not the only one! I may be being a bit unfair about DH, he has started to do more now I am going back to work (and after I have complained multiple times). I think it's more of the keeping tabs on everything that he still expects me to do now!

OP posts:
Waitingonasmiley42 · 03/10/2018 08:11

I felt the same when I went back after my first. I think I was a better mum because I had some time away from him. I have so much respect for anyone who can stay at home with children, but I just can’t cope with how full on it is. Work is a nice break.

Cutietips · 03/10/2018 08:15

Don’t worry OP, you’re definitely not a monster. But remember, if you’re a woman you can’t win anyway because if you’re a SAHM you’re immediately a female equivalent of a cockwomble. Do what makes you feel happy, your DC will be fine. And make sure your DH pulls his weight!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 03/10/2018 08:36

Before my DD was 1 I was going mad being stuck at home with her. I think, looking back, I had some version of depression because I didn't really bond very well with her til she was about 18 months.

But I went back to work after 8 months of study at evening classes and she went to nursery 3 days a week. It was the best thing I did. She loved it and got soooo much more social time than being in the house with me (I was too anxious to take her out by myself) and I got grown up time out the house. I have a career path and she is a social butterfly now. I love seeing her confidently run into school now.

Don't feel guilty, you are doing what works for you and your family.

Marmite27 · 03/10/2018 08:38

I remember going on a course my first month back and someone asking if DC1 was in nursery and I said yes, she’d been a little horror that morning and some time apart would be good for both of us. The person I was talking to laughed and said, at last an honest mother!

DonnaDarko · 03/10/2018 08:44

DS has been in nursery since he was 6 months old (he's now 2).

I love working (in general , hate my current job), and I love that he gets so much social time outside of the house. I also don't think I have the energy to run around with him all day. According to his last review, he has formed a special relationship with one of the other kids, too, I'm so pleased that he's making friends :)

RoboticSealpup · 03/10/2018 08:45

On Mumsnet you're in the majority. Everyone here goes back to work "to get a break" and "for their own sanity".


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SweetSummerchild · 03/10/2018 08:50

DS started nursery full time at 6 months. He never had any problems settling, and loved it there. He’s now 12 and his ‘best friend’ is still one of the boys he knew from nursery.

I never felt bad about leaving him - he was bloody hard work at home and thrived at nursery. I needed time away from his endless need for stimulation and activity. Going to work felt like a break.

11 1/2 years later he is a sociable, intelligent and well-adjusted boy who has settled quickly and easily into secondary. I do not regret putting him in nursery so early at all.

Lalliella · 03/10/2018 12:25

Not at all and I bet your son will love nursery and make lots of little friends. Nursery is good for kids, it makes them much more sociable and resilient. And doing something for you is good for you! You will treasure the time with DS much more and make it quality time for you. Top tip - get a cleaner too!

cptartapp · 03/10/2018 12:45

You did well to get to a year. I got to four and five months respectively and off to nursery they went. Dare I even at I enjoyed my days at work more than those with them when they were very young. They're now both bright independant teens who don't seem to have suffered. And my pension looks great!

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