Anyone up? I suspect I’m being UR.

[MrsFoxPlus4]

So, I have councilling today for my depression, anxiety order, PTSD & agoraphobia. I’m a mother of 4 and don’t leave the house without my husband or dad. I also have lost my hair so that’s a big deal. I own my own salon, obviously not very active right now but because of that I used to be really glamorous. And I haven’t worn makeup in months, I tend to not even wear my nice clothes or nice makeup because I’m not working I feel like it’s only there for special occasions (it’s so stupid I can’t explain it) I feel like it I don’t look like crap nobody believes how I feel, I suspect it’s all in my head. Is it okay to wear makeup to therapy today? I haven’t slept for 2 days. I’m sat in front of my vanity and feeling awful about wanting to paint my face. And I didn’t know who else to tell 😭

Oh Iv told my therapist that I don’t often wear makeup or anything anymore. Things were so bad my husband basically spoke for me the last time, he said this isn’t the Mrs fox he knows he even noticed my makeup table was dusty and I wasn’t doing the things I enjoyed anymore. She asked me to try but i haven’t been able to bring myself to do it 😢

If you are applying makeup for YOU then it's the right thing to do. If you feel obliged to make an effort and it brings down your mood, then reconsider or perhaps apply the bare minimum. I am not a vain person but I find I can face the world more happily when wearing my foundation, mascara and some lipstick. Hope you feel more like your old self very soon. .

Oh OP you’re being amazingly brave getting out there and getting support for what’s going on for you.

Just do whatever feels right for YOU. And explore with the counsellor how that made you feel, whichever you decide.

Out of interest, what kind of Counselling is it? Is it CBT?

Let us know how you get on!

Cutie tips, i really don’t know. I was on medication and none of it was working for me I tried for a year and it never made a difference so the doctor said he’s refer me to someone who could help. She’s the local mental heath nurse and I think she’s a physiatrist. So far Iv met her 4 times. She’s given me goals and stuff to reach but I haven’t reached any of them. I put my app off for 6 weeks she stressed me out so much, I’m really stuck with what I’m doing

Former Psychologist here. Appearance does form part of the overall assessment of a client, but its more about getting a baseline of what is normal for that client so that you can then observe if there are dramatic changes (e.g. if someone who is usually immaculately groomed comes in looking scruffy I might explore whether they were going through a particularly tough time). However far more attention will be paid to what you say - how are you feeling, what patterns are there to your thought processes and behaviours etc. If you want to wear makeup, wear it, and if you don't then thats also fine. Clients wore all sorts of things to sessions with me and I genuinely never judged them for that.

As an aside, good on you for seeking support. Counselling is not easy but if you find someone you feel comfortable with it can be so beneficial.

Definitely do it if it makes you feel better. Good luck for today.

I've been through therapy, sometimes the treatment isn't helpful on which case they will, try something else with you ie different techniques. So it's important to be honest. Or it may be just a period where you are making progress but it doesn't "feel" like it, it's all part of the journey

I just find it all so confussing. Iv done my makeup today. I usually only wear my wig because of the bald spots but she did say if It’s something l always used to do then I should try. I don’t feel any differently I dread going to see her, I’m giving it a chance though.

Makeup, hair and nice clothes used to be the norm for me. That was my normal. But if wore makeup about 4 times since Christmas. I only wear my wig to councilling because I wear my hood up everywhere else or send my husband. Iv not even been able to eat this morning being sick x

Do what ever makes you feel comfortable.

I would say though that I have been judged as ‘high functioning’ by some people based on my appearance which my mental health social worker said could (wrongly) count against me in my meeting for claiming esa.

Oh darling, I really hope this helps you today. If this isn’t the right person for you though, can you keep looking for a therapist or practitioner that can help you more?

What’s high functioning mean? And I don’t claim anything. We live comfortably and I still have income from my salon I just don’t feel like spending it too much because I’m not working as hard as I could be. Thanks everyone x

High functioning would mean you are still able to 'function', in this case taking care of your personal needs/appearance. But this is a counselling session and appearance is irrelevant.
I suffer from depression and I wear make up every day. Depression doesn't define who you are or how you look. If you want to wear make up then do. If anything it will give you a small boost, it's important to make yourself feel as good/confident as you can.
I hope the counselling goes well. The fact you are going shows you are stronger than you think

I agree with Balaboostehl, if it’s not the right counsellor for you, it doesn’t mean counselling itself wouldn’t benefit you. The evidence is that the relationship between client and counsellor is the single most important factor for success in therapy. Which doesn’t mean you have to like the therapist but at least feel you trust them, feel comfortable sharing how you feel etc. Sometimes it’s okay to hate the therapist for a time, either because you feel challenged by them or because you are projecting your resentment of others onto them, but you should always feel safe with them and not feel shamed by them. I might be wrong but I get the sense that you are feeling that you need to be doing things to please your therapist (meeting targets, wearing wig and make up etc) rather than having the sense that you are doing these things for you. If this is the way your therapist makes you feel, then maybe you might consider another therapist, maybe privately. The counselling directory or BACP website or psychology today has lists of therapists. Don’t give OP, things can be different for you.

Thanks everyone. It was fine, she even commented on how talented my makeup is. Iv to keep a diary for the next month and try to do something every single day even if it is just doing my makeup. Once I’m starting to do stuff and coping daily better then she’ll refer me for CBT therapy I think

You got it @Fox

You stay comfortable. You're doing an amazing job.xx

That sounds great

Wearing make up always lifts my mood..... I do have my really special stuff for such occasions and my every day stuff - could you do something similar to help you feel better about using it. 💐

Well done on seeking help and going out yesterday.

Not to belittle anything you are dealing with but if it helps at all saving nice things for best is a common thread on style and beauty and spending some time there has rid me of this habit. That goes for clothes, make up, toiletries, perfume - anything you are saving for a special occasion. That occasion can become every day because you deserve it just for being you, time to look after you because why not? You don't need to earn the reward of being kind to yourself. Here are some threads that came up on a quick search, maybe they will help?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1511974-Help-me-stop-saving-my-clothes-for-best
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1775750-Keeping-things-for-best-holding-on-to-things
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/1890167-Saving-nice-clothes-for-best-why-cant-I-kick-this-habit

You sound very brave.

Thanks everyone!

spaceraidersrock that sounds exactly like me. Some days all I do is brush my teeth. I’m a terrible mother at the moment, my won is such a kind paitent soul his best friends mum picks him up to and from school. The twins have just turned one and they give me so much laughter but my mother in law spends the most time with them. And I don’t even remember the last time i visited my daughters grave but Iv felt like this for about 12 years I just wish id gotten help sooner im only 25!

You're on the right track darling. Your daughter is with you always. Her grave is just a place to visit for you. Lots of TLC for you xx

Everyone here is so kind I wish I’d made a thread sooner. Instead of chewing my husbands ears off 24/7 the guy deserves a gold medal and more! This has helped so much x