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AIBU?

To ask about kids party protocol?

33 replies

Marlboroughlights1 · 03/10/2018 06:33

Hi

8 year old Ds wants a party. 16 boys in the class. He wants to invite 11 plus two girls.

Is that 'mean' to invite that many of the boys but not all?

Two, he says are not nice to him (he's no angel, btw) and awkwardly one was a good friend of his last year.

I don't know the protocol. I feel like he should invite who he wants but also, i'm conscious of not making kids feel bad.

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bellinisurge · 03/10/2018 06:53

He's 8. I'm guessing that friendship groups have sort of settled a bit by now. Yes there may be some kids who wonder why (I was on of those kids many many many years ago) but that is not your responsibility.

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EmUntitled · 03/10/2018 06:55

He should invite his friends; there's no need to invite the whole class. If he was inviting 15 of the 16 others, that might be different.

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finn1020 · 03/10/2018 07:02

I think it’s fine to invite who he wants to, he’s old enough to know who his friends are. I would not make him invite all the boys just to not leave anyone out, that’s more a younger kid party thing. He’s inviting about 2/3rds of the boys but not the other 1/3 which sounds fine to me.

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AuntBeastie · 03/10/2018 07:03

I think that ratio is fine - it’s just mean if one or two in a large class are excluded, but that isn’t the case here

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Allegorical · 03/10/2018 07:07

Personally if he is going to select it should be less than half of the boys. 11 out of 16 feels more like excluding certain people rather than choosing his friends.

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Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 03/10/2018 07:19

As far as I am aware there is no protocol for kids parties! In our house and we are just arranging a special 7th birthday party, 45 invites have gone out.These include family members for example cousins,family friends and friends from after school clubs like swimming etc,the rest are made up of random kids I have no clue about from three classes at school.!! Everyone who my daughter wanted got an invite...some can make it some can't but its looking like 34 ish confirmed! Think the only protocol I am following OP is emptying dads wallet,gritting my teeth and stocking up on paracetamol and gin...I will decide which is needed most at the end of the party when everyone has gone home!!!

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Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 03/10/2018 07:23

posted too soon sorry ...I guess what I was waffling on about is really ...their day their way! Let your son invite who he likes..I wouldnt bow to social niceties and invite anyone whom he doesnt want to invite!

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Returnofthesmileybar · 03/10/2018 07:27

Sounds fine to me

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Citylivingwithdogs · 03/10/2018 07:29

I think it’s mean. All of the boys or reduce the number to 7 or 8. It’s hard being the child who never seems to be invited.

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Stompythedinosaur · 03/10/2018 07:31

I think inviting 11 out of 16 boys is a bit mean really.

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PaintBySticker · 03/10/2018 07:32

I think the 2/3 of boys invited ratio is fine. I can see that the ‘former best friend’ situation might be awkward - I would encourage him to invite him unless it was a massive falling out but not force the issue. I would also encourage him to invite at least one more girl as 1/2 could easily be a no show and it might not be as much fun to be the only girl at the party.

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whoareyou123 · 03/10/2018 07:33

Personally if he is going to select it should be less than half of the boys. 11 out of 16 feels more like excluding certain people rather than choosing his friends.

I agree especially if its actually 11 out of 15 (ie the 16 boys includes him).

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FinnegansWhiskers · 03/10/2018 07:38

I think you should let him invite who he wants to. If he is inviting 11 out of 16 boys that's 5 who are not invited. That's different to 1 or or 2 being left out.

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THEsonofaBITCH · 03/10/2018 07:52

I think its mean. I would invite all and let DS know he doesn't have to play with them during party but that they need to be invited or its exclusionary and mean.

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anniehm · 03/10/2018 08:07

It's fine, though if one of those left off the list has additional needs for instance I would encourage him to invite - my dd (autistic) was frequently left out of parties when most the class was invited and she found it very upsetting, she thought she was friends, it's just her disability means she is different.

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 03/10/2018 08:14

Why should a child get an invite just because they are a boy? I think if you focus less on the child's sex and just think about friendship groups the decisions become easier.

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Marlboroughlights1 · 03/10/2018 08:35

It's not about boys for boys sake. He doesn't really have a group. He has a very close friend and a few others he gets on well with but a lot of the boys play together at lunch.

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ToeOfFrog · 03/10/2018 08:38

It's his party. Let him invite who he wants. The numbers sound fine. But even if it was all except one boy why on earth would he invite someone he doesn't get on with?

People on MN can be far to precious.

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bellinisurge · 03/10/2018 08:51

At this age don't waste your money on children he isn't friends with or doesn't like.
Parties get a bit more expensive for older kids.

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 03/10/2018 11:29

Sorry that wasn't a dig at you Marlboroughlights1 more an observation that by this age ds would feel more sad that one of his friends who is a girl didn't invite him but invited the rest of the friendship group than he would if a boy he didn't get on with didn't invite him but invited the other boys. In fact he probably would refuse to go anyway. I think in terms of parties MN often focuses on inviting all the boys or all the girls whereas I would go with friendship groups.

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SallySangFroid · 03/10/2018 11:31

He has a very close friend and a few others he gets on well with but a lot of the boys play together at lunch.

I’d probably stick to just the close friends and the ones he gets on particularly well with.

That said, there’s nothing all that wrong with 11 out of 16 boys either.

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PinkHeart5914 · 03/10/2018 11:31

IMO he should only invite the children he is friends with. It’s his party he should be able to choose the dc he wants to come

Why should he invite half boys, half girls if he isn’t friends/doesn’t play with most the girls?

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TheChocolateTrain · 03/10/2018 11:38

How many children in the class in total?

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Marlboroughlights1 · 03/10/2018 11:41

It's a large class. 31 I think

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TheChocolateTrain · 03/10/2018 11:48

Then he's inviting less than half the class. It's fine.

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