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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Has anyone had a surprise baby?

90 replies

Thighofrelief · 03/10/2018 01:38

By which I mean you went into labour with no clue you were pregnant.

It must be so shocking.

OP posts:

MountainPony · 03/10/2018 06:43

I'm sure that this can happen in a tiny number of cases. But I think that the majority of women who say that they didn't didn't know they were pregnant were actually just very very deeply in denial in the same way that people can 'not notice' any medical symptom due to fear etc. I think there is also a subset of these women who actually are fully aware that they are pregnant, but are concealing it for a range of reasons and claim to have been unaware of the pregnancy to avoid judgement or censure. (I do not mean this critically or sneeringly. It must be a very hard place to be, and concealing a pregnancy from yourself and/or others suggests great distress)

borntobequiet · 03/10/2018 06:46

I had what appeared to be periods for the first 4 months or so when pregnant with my eldest. My pregnancy wasn’t at all obvious until 35 weeks or so, and I wore my normal clothes until then. I knew I was pregnant but my then MIL was dubious!

PiggeryPorcombe · 03/10/2018 06:51

I’m pretty sure that poster was later revealed to be a troll @Pidgythe2nd.

EndeavourVoyage · 03/10/2018 06:54

With my second I found out at 28 weeks, I was breastfeeding my first so had no periods and I was running and doing triathlons I wasn’t overweight but had no bump. I do remember thinking I had a dodgy tummy a lot but now realise it was my DD shifting herself about. I am a bit thick though😂😂😂

Shampooeeee · 03/10/2018 06:55

I don’t understand where the baby fits at 7/8/9 months if the woman has a flat stomach and is slim. Also, what about movements? They would usually be pretty frequent by the end.

EwItsAHooman · 03/10/2018 06:59

I don't believe people who say they had periods throughout.

I had bleeding every four weeks until month 6-7, it was as if my body forgot I was pregnant and decided to start up a period then remembered 'hang on, there's a baby' and stopped it again. If I didn't already know I was pregnant I would have presumed that was my period.

I know someone whose periods stopped so she did a pregnancy test which was negative. A month later and still no period so she did multiple tests, all negative. GP said these things sometimes happen, if you've had negative tests after this amount of time then you're certainly not pregnant, give it another month and then we'll look into it. The next month still no period, still negative tests. Back to the GP she went. GP took some bloods and then checked her over "oh dear, I can feel a mass in your lower abdomen" and referred her for an urgent scan the following day. She went to the scan expecting to be told awful news, instead she was told she was four months pregnant.

I have a friend who bled throughout pregnancy, did get a baby bump at all through a combination of a 5lb baby, strong abs, and the baby lying tucked right back against her spine. She had awful back pain but no bump at all. She also said that if she didn't know for a fact she was pregnant, she would have presumed she wasn't. When she was pushing the pram around with a newborn in it there were people who didn't realise the baby was hers because she hadn't looked pregnant.

EwItsAHooman · 03/10/2018 07:01

what about movements? They would usually be pretty frequent by the end.

Depends on the baby's position and where the placenta is. I had a breech baby with an anterior placenta (placenta on the front) and felt barely any movements at all, no kicks whatsoever just butterflies and the occasional elbow tap. If I didn't know I was pregnant I could have easily rationalised it as wind or muscle spasms.

fatpatsthong · 03/10/2018 07:02

Friend of mine at university. Had light periods throughout, put about 1/2 stone on and was an apple shape anyway. Slept quite a lot but feeling a bit fat and knackered in your third year of uni wasn't unusual.

We called an ambulance because she started rolling around in pain and we thought she had appendicitis or something.

What was scary in hindsight was she was a typical student so had drunk, smoked and taken light recreational drugs throughout. She felt really guilty about that.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 03/10/2018 07:02

I'm hurtling towards 40 and at least 3 (( perfectly solvent )) women on my facebook have discovered pregnancies at 28 / 32 weeks pregnant.

One of which I know personally and had a real crisis over whether to abort as her previous labour almost killed her........she didnt. He's now a lovely toddler and she's had a full hysterectomy so no more babies.

Kraggle · 03/10/2018 07:06

Ive seen pics of a model or fitness person, think it was Sarah Stage? She was super fit and only really got a little bump at 9 months. No idea where her baby was hiding.

Kraggle · 03/10/2018 07:07

Obviously she knew she was pregnant but I think if your super fit or overweight it can be easier to miss sometimes.

Kraggle · 03/10/2018 07:07

you’re

Shampooeeee · 03/10/2018 07:08

Good point @EwItsAHooman I didn’t think about that. I actually have an anterior placenta this time but it’s high so I still feel a lot of movements.. I guess if it is low, it blocks them.

Thatstheendofmytether · 03/10/2018 07:11

My best friend had a surprise baby. Went to the hospital in the middle of the night with back pain and they told her she was in labour!

Blonk · 03/10/2018 07:11

I don't believe it. Not finding out you are pregnant, until a bit later on perhaps...

But being full term, and having no idea! No way!
More like, they suspect, but are in denial over it. You can't explain away a full-term baby moving inside of you, you just can't.

And this is coming from someone who was pregnant in my late teens, with a flat stomach initially; not showing much even at full term!

N2986 · 03/10/2018 07:17

I knew I was expecting my third but due to the position of the placenta I felt very little movement. To the point I had to go to mau everyday to have her movements check.

So it is possible not to feel them at full term

cantfindname · 03/10/2018 07:20

I knew a woman who used to exercise a big horse belonging to a friend of mine. She came back after a ride and said she felt a bit rough and would I see to horse as she needed to go home. She rang some hours later in complete shock to say she wouldn't be riding for the next few days as she had just had a baby!!

Educated woman, normal size/weight and no-one had any idea. Including her! Can't remember the weight but baby wasn't tiny either.

PeridotCricket · 03/10/2018 07:28

Friends friend, 4th baby, found out at 8 months, assumed she was going through peri menopause and just getting fat. Sat down with a gp friend she hadn’t seen in a while who wide eyed said, that’s not menopause, that’s a baby!

MsJolly · 03/10/2018 07:31

Stop being a lazy journalist and do your research properly rather than go on MN

bevelino · 03/10/2018 07:40

I had triplets and had no idea I was pregnant until the day they were born and I went to the toilet and saw 3 heads appear. OP you need to do better in your hunt for stories.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 03/10/2018 07:44

Pidgy- she was a troll.

ChocolateOrIDie · 03/10/2018 07:47

The thing that baffles me about these women is how do they not feel any kicking / movement? It keeps me up at night !

AlphaBravo · 03/10/2018 07:50

@headstone my friend is currently 25wksbpregnant with her 2nd. Not even a hint of a bump. With her first she was barely even showing a mild curve the day she went in to labour at full term. She just looked like she had eaten a big lunch For comparision - I was pregnant at the same time (3wks behind) and I looked like I was having twins at 25wks.

A colleague I once had was having twins and she didn't even show a small bump until 35wks. She was 5ft10 though 🤷🏼‍♀️

swingofthings · 03/10/2018 07:54

I agree with you Mountain. There seem to be common themes in such instances. Women tend to be older or younger, it's a first baby or a late one, a common worry of being judge, or a partner who made it clear they didn't want to have a child.

Denial is a very strong emotional response to a stressful condition and can trick your mind to believe what you want to believe.

There might very exceptional circumstances where denial had no part of it but I think it's the minority.

I also think there are a lot of 'the friend of my friend' stories that do end up quite distorted to the actual truth.

scarbados · 03/10/2018 07:55

@headstone - How is it possible to be fullterm with a flat stomach? Where is the baby hiding?

One of my friends had a surprise baby at the age of 32. It was her third baby so she'd experienced pregnancy before. I saw her only 4 hours before she went into the labour she thought was appendicitis - stomach like an ironing board, wearing tight t-shirt and jeans.

I still think she must have been carting the baby around in her shoulder bag.

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