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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be mighty pissed off with friend's constant digs at dh???

14 replies

willywonka · 12/06/2007 18:33

Dh & said friend have "enjoyed" a fractious relationship for several years, where she feels perfectly within her rights to have a go at him (to his face) as well as to bad mouth him to me at every opportunity. E.g. when dh and a mutual friend worked on friend's garden, all credit was given to the mutual friend and none to dh, even though he spent more time on it .

I'm pretty easy going generally but have really begun to have enough of this, especially following a recent and very vocal accusion that dh was responsible for the state that her other half ended up in at a wedding, supposedly putting him in mortal danger because she was convinced her dh was going to choke on his own vomit .

I'm not for one moment suggesting that there aren't risks to excessive alcohol consumption but I believe dh when he says that all he did was to top up the other guy's glass several times with the bottle of gin that they had bought together much earlier in the day. By 5am, they were (unsurprisingly) both half cut and I see no reason why my dh should be anymore expected to assess or monitor friend's dh's drinking than the friend's dh was responsible for his - they are not each other's bloody mother!

Sorry to be ranting but this is eating at me and I'm not sure of how best to raise it with friend because I really feel that it's time to deal with it. At the end of the day I will choose dh over friend if I have to, but would prefer to know that I had at least made an effort to sort things out before this seemingly drastic step - I've not fallen out with anyone properly in years and would prefer not to start again now.

Thanks.

OP posts:
dustystar · 12/06/2007 18:36

If you value your friendship then its worth having a chat with her to tell her how you feel and asking her to stop criticising dh.

newgirl · 12/06/2007 22:29

you are not being unreasonable but i would be very very careful

i think the time to talk about the drinking thing was at the time and now will seem a bit daft

if it comes up in conversation then say something by all means, or the next time she says something wrong, be ready with a reply along the lines of 'i know what you mean but he is my husband after all - i think I am the only one allowed to comment' or something like that - and then leave her time to absorb it - she probably has no idea whe is winding you up

alicet · 13/06/2007 13:22

If thats what your dh's relationship with her is like and has always been like and it doesn't upset him I'm not sure there's a lot you can do about it. If he is unhappy about it I think its up to him to say something and not you. Although I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset about it.

If she bitches about him to you thats another matter and maybe either just stand up for him or make a light hearted comment about it at the time. Agree she is ridiculous to blame your dh for her hubby getting p*ssed - for goodness sake he is an adult and responsible for his own behviour - but agree with poster who said the time to bring that up was at the time. She is probably just making throw away comments in jest and has no idea it upsets you!

OrmIrian · 13/06/2007 13:25

Are you sure it isn't meant to be funny? I was reduced to tears once when I met some of DH's mates and they resolutely took the p* out of him - and each other too I think but I didn't care about that. It really offended me but he was fine about it. Does your DH care about it?

Troutpout · 13/06/2007 13:32

Aggee with alicet

Troutpout · 13/06/2007 13:32

agree even

Callisto · 13/06/2007 14:05

Can't believe you have put up with it for so long TBH. It would make me feel very disloyal to my DP if I heard someone criticising him and I didn't stick up for him. Is she a friend you really need?

Freckle · 13/06/2007 14:07

Are you sure she doesn't fancy the pants off him? Attack being the best form of defence and all that.....

BrothelSprouts · 13/06/2007 14:07

Slap her!
I wouldn't put up with someone bitching about my husband to me, tbh.

Nbg · 13/06/2007 14:08

How old is her dh?
Is he under 18?
Can he not make his own decisions?
Does she wipe his bum?

WW, you need to seriously have a chat with her.
FFS, I cant believe she would blame your dh for the state of her pissed up dh!

Bouncingturtle · 13/06/2007 14:27

I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour. She has no right to criticise your DH by his back to you. I'm assuming he's a generally a decent guy, i.e. not a wife beater, or child abuser or serial cheater? She just wouldn't be my friend any more.

HappyDaddy · 13/06/2007 21:02

My mate and I were out on the sauce, a while back. Evidentally, they are having some marriage problems. His mobile was playing up so she rang mine, while we were slowly weaving our way home.

Her "You're not helping by getting him drunk, you know we're having problems. You're making it worse".

Me "He's 37 years old, I've hardly been force feeding him alcohol. You've been having problems for over a year, him getting pissed with me isn't really going to be the start of them, is it? Grow up and moan at your husband, not me".

We get on really well these days. She's far less patronising.

willywonka · 14/06/2007 10:21

Didn't have a chance to check this thread until this morning but thanks for all your responses.

Am glad that you agree with me about responsibility for the drunkeness. Difficulty is that she only kicks off badly to my dh when no one else is around except occasionally for her dh who seems to do little except look sheepish... .

As for the questions about dh's feelings, he isn't happy about it and is avoiding her at the moment because he's still really angry about the recent outburst. However he's really good friends with her dh, who we've known for longer.

Think I'll just have to be ready with a firm, but killer, retort for when she decides to throw it into a conversation - which she eventually will - before making my feelings known. In the meantime, I believe that dh intends to raise this with her dh the next time they manage to pop out for a swift half together, though this may be some time though cos I believe her dh is still grounded... !!

OP posts:
Pruners · 14/06/2007 10:33

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