My sil has literally just given birth and all I can do is cry. I’m so happy for her but also so hurt for myself.
I have 3dc. My first two weren’t very good experiences. My dd1 was born when I was 17, my dad had had a stroke & I was very very poorly with a womb infection, stitches coming undone etc.
Second time I was 18 and my mum died 8 weeks later after being diagnosed with stomach cancer when I was 20 weeks.
Both were with my abusive now ex husband who didn’t support me at all. I ended up with postnatal depression.
Anyway, I now have my 3rd with the most amazing man Iv ever met. Her birth (planned section) was the best day of my life. The amount of love I felt from dp and the dc was amazing. I breastfed for the first time and even though it was extremely hard (low supply & tongue tie) I loved it. Which helped me overcome pnd. I absolutely loved the newborn stage this time, the smell, the cuddles, even the sleepless nights. Iv never felt anything like it. I can’t have anymore children. We don’t have the space or money. I’m so upset that I will never feel that again. I know I’m extremely lucky to have what Iv got, please don’t say I’m ungrateful because I’m not.
(I was diagnosed with bpd last month and my emotions are all over the place on my new tablets so maybe I’m just being ridiculous!!)