To think there must be something wrong?

[Munchkingoat]

I've not had great long term relationships, the father of my kids was an arse - a controlling gaslighting vile man who thankfully I was shot of newly 15 years ago, my last long term relationship of 9 years had massive temper issues which left me reading on eggshells a huge amount of the time and i finally left him. Other shorter relationships have been pretty poor too.

I've been with my current partner 9 months now and he is absolutely lovely, he's kind, calm, considerate, supportive, funny, loves to be with me but equally happy when we do our own thing, sexually we're incredibly compatible, my friends think he's great, I've met all his mates and they're all really nice and like me too and we have mutual friends in common. Basically everything is great, being with him is so easy and lovely, he's totally open about everything and loves me to bits and thinks I'm great.

However I CANNOT shake the feeling that it's all going to come tumbling down - that no man can be this great, that there must be something wrong and there is a part of me that just won't relax into it. Do men like this actually exist? Can I actually stop worrying? Sounds so stupid written down I guess but why do I worry ? I keep thinking there just aren't men like this out there.

Yes, there are fantastic men out there. You're used to abuse so you're expecting it - that's not uncommon.

What you don't want to happen is for what your exes did to further fuck up your life by standing in the way of this relationship. It might be worth having some counselling to work through what they did and to get some perspective on it so that you can really enjoy your lovely partner :)

Yes you might be right - I don't want to fuck this one up. Lots of my female friends have rubbish men so I thought if I heard about lovely men actually existing on here that would help a bit!

They definitely do exist, though they do seem to pretty rare. Half the battle is having enough self worth and self esteem to know exactly what you need and are willing to put up with - then no matter what happens you will have boundaries that a man can't cross. Unfortunately because of the society we live in women are brought up to put themselves second and to accept low-level shitty treatment so that down the line many women end up in shit or outright abusive relationships. It sounds like you do have a good'un but be aware that you are also a good'un and that you don't have to be grateful for being treated well - it's a basic requirement!

Oh they do exist!! Took me a while to find one too but I promise you they do. I'm still pinching myself now.

OH and I had the most amazing first date. Bloody fireworks!!! We moved in at 7 months in. I also found out I was pregnant then.

He's kind, generous and loving. We have a house together and a beautiful 16mo son now. I'm staying at home to look after him.

Fit as fuck as well. Still get tingles and fireworks.

I truly believe that I met him though because I had had enough of shit men and I raised my standards. I thought "Why can't I have it all? Why can't I have a good looking, nice man to love who will love me just as much back."

It was the belief that I deserved it. I had started doing some work on myself. I started working out and feeling really good about myself. That's when it all clicked.

I hope you start to feel happier OP. Maybe see if you can talk to someone about this? Like you say, you don't want to ruin it. Maybe work on some self love and self care? You deserve to be with your perfect man. Your lobster.

My DP is actually one of the best humans I have ever met - far too bloody good for me, so they do exist

My OH is not only the best man I've ever met (well, after my father and grandfather), but just about one of the best humans I've ever met, too. He's far too good for me, TBH.

They do exist - and you've found one. Well done! Enjoy your lovely relationship and all happiness to you.

I've got a good one too. He's kind, calm, honest, helps out in the house, faithful, never says anything nasty, and looks like Paul Hollywood! Weve been together 15 years!

They do exist! I have one :) But to be totally honest I worry that marriage will screw it all up, so after 23 years and 2 DS we are still not married :) not that he's worried about it, but it still worries me!

The bit in your post that struck me was 'being with him is so easy'. I met DH when I was 30, up til then my longest relationship was 9 months. I never stayed with anyone for long - I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that wasn't right or required any great effort! DH is amazing and I just remember how easy it was from the beginning, everything just seemed to fit. 13yrs on he's still the best man I could have found.

DH is a wonderful guy but six years with abusive first "D"H made it hard to get my head around.

I've overreacted to him having issues because my knee jerk reaction was "ah so now the illusion crumbles."

It's hard but there are good guys out there (although they still have their moments).

I’m another one who agrees good men do exist! I married the most wonderful man, who treats me with respect all the time and is a brilliant dad. I agree with a pp who said about not letting your past relationships ruin this good one.

They do exist!

Obviously you only really know on your death bed as there are plenty of women who say they thought they had a good one but then after 25 years of marriage he..... etc!

Plan for the worst and make sure you'd be fine then enjoy being treated as you deserve and don't let your past hold you back.

It's actually very encouraging reading that some of you have got good ones and they do exist!