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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holidays and DSS

11 replies

Movin · 01/10/2018 22:42

AIBU? DSS goes through what can only be described as phases of not wanting to be with us. Generally after not being the centre of attention or being mildly told off. Was at an event at the weekend, lots of kids, fun fireworks etc He ripped a can in half (out of boredom) DH told him to stop playing with it and put it in bin. Queue him laying face down on the picnic blanket not talking to anyone. DH pulled him to one side and basically told him to sort him self out. Queue the usual response of wanting to speak to his mum. He asked if he could get picked us as he wanted to go home. DH said no, but that he could call his mum in the morning. He then seemed to snap out of it and seemingly snapped out of it and enjoyed the night. Morning came and he called his mum, arranged to get picked up and won't give us an explanation why. He was due to be with us til mid week. This happens every so often that he struggles to be with us for more than 1-2 nights at a time. We have a big holiday planned, 4 weeks to the other side of the world. I am now getting nervous at it and tempted to pull the pin. If DSS won't stay with us for a couple of nights he won't cope being away. We need to go as we both have ageing parents and haven't seen them in 3 years. Any ideas on what we can do? The minute DSS isn't on centre stage he isn't interested. So he goes running back to his mum where he knows he'll get the attention. DSS is 11.

OP posts:
Thehop · 01/10/2018 22:46

He certainly shouldn’t be going for that long.

Thehop · 01/10/2018 22:47

How old is he? Any option for a shorter stay!

Thehop · 01/10/2018 22:47

Jeez sorry. Broken phone screen.no ! Intended

Movin · 01/10/2018 22:49

He is 11, we both need to go home for a month. We've put it off for 3 years so he's old enough to come. But me and DH are originally from different countries. So to allow for travel/jet lag we need to extend it so we get quality time with both sets of parents.

OP posts:
Sassielassie · 01/10/2018 23:17

Has he been away with you and DH on a shorter hol/ break before where he cant be picked up by mum, and if so, how was his behaviour then? You might find his behaviour improves when he no longer has the option of someone coming to collect him when hes no longer getting his own way.

Movin · 01/10/2018 23:49

We've taken him for up to 2 weeks before and spent most of that fielding calls from his hysterical mother demanding he be returned !

OP posts:
spacefighter · 01/10/2018 23:57

Leave him with his mother for the month.

Movin · 02/10/2018 08:27

I fear we are damned if we take him .... DSS will struggle and damned if we don't DSS will think we've abandoned him !

OP posts:
AuntBeastie · 02/10/2018 08:37

Have you spoken to DSS about it? It might be worth exploring whether he feels happy with the idea of being away from his mum that long, especially as he won’t have the option to go home early. He may prefer to wait a year or two (and in the meantime you can keep ‘practicing’ with shorter trips away).

It sounds frustrating but he’s still quite young and living with two families can be difficult for children. He may still be struggling to adjust.

Movin · 02/10/2018 08:47

He's gone from being 100% hell bent on going, to confiding in DH on Friday that he wasn't sure about it and then being super clingy ...... there is something bugging him. But we can't get him to open up. He is useless at being out of his comfort zone .....

OP posts:
BeUpStanding · 02/10/2018 08:54

Based on what you've said I wouldn't take DSS away for four weeks. Could you ask him if he wants to come, say it's completely fine if he doesn't, and instead offer to take him on a different (shorter) holiday next year?

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