WWYD about this?

[DifferenceInFood]

Another single mother and I have struck up a friendship. Her DD is 2, my DD is 3. 7 months age difference.

We’ve been swapping childcare. I’ve been having her DD on a Monday from 12-6pm, and then in exchange she’s been helping me out whenever I need it.

We have similar parenting styles and that’s great, the problem is with food.

Friends DD is slightly overweight, through no fault of her own or my friends so friend has to limit portion sizes and watch her eating.

Whereas my DD is the complete opposite and is borderline underweight. I’ve been told by her paediatrician to let her eat whatever whenever she wants as a small amount of weight gain won’t hurt her.

This is causing problems when I have both girls together. I stick to the recommended portion size for friends DD but she will physically take food from my DDs mouth and eat it if she doesn’t feel like she has enough. I’ve separated the girls, had my DD in front of the TV (as a treat) and friends DD in the kitchen with me (I let her watch TV on the tablet so she doesn’t feel she’s missing out) but my DD eats so slowly that friends DD is still going and taking my DDs food when she’s finished her own.

The arrangement is beneficial to us both as I needed emergency childcare last week my elderly granddad was in hospital and friend stepped in to help, and the Monday is her only time her and her partner (he doesn’t live with her, hasn’t met her DD yet) get to themselves. So I don’t want to stop the arrangement.

I already limit sweets and other snacks for both girls when they’re with me. And friend says she has this problem when eating in front of her DD, she’ll just walk up and eat off someone elses plate. She’s 2 so while she knows it’s wrong she doesn’t really understand why. But I do have to be careful as one meal can make a difference to my DDs weight, and as she has other SN I have enough appointments as it is without having to trek up to the hospital once a week for the weight clinic.

Any suggestions? Or do I need to stop this very helpful arrangement?

And before anyone mentions ofsted and being registered, we made the HVs aware of this arrangement and they’re happy that as long as money is not exchanged for it to continue without me being a registered CM.

What is the medical advise regarding the 2 year old? How is she overweight but it's no-one's fault?

The only thing you can do is give different food to them, so your DD fills up on higher calorie etc food, whereas the other DD can graze for longer.

How often is it working out that they have to eat together?

Advice, even.

2 year old has an issue with her thyroid.

She's 2 years old. I'm pretty sure you can stop her from helping herself from your daughter's plate, a stern 'No' would be appropriate.

i would concentrate on teaching the 2 year old not to take food off other peoples plate. not telling her off but keep repeating that its not allowed and steer her away fron your dds plate. just as you would if she was messing with anything she 's not allowed to touch.
she only 2 she will lose the weight once the docs have got her thyroid under control and she starts school running around with other children

So is it an appetite issue? It seems cruel to just limit her eating, rather than change what she is having so she can eat when your DD is still eating.

Are they eating together often enough for this to be a real issue? It's easy for this sort of thing to be a main focus when you can relax a bit once, or twice a week. It's like when people with younger babies become obsessive over sleep patterns.

I say that as someone with two children with SN, who realises that I stressed over things that I didn't have to.

Eating together once a week on a Monday and then if I ask friend to have my DD over a mealtime.

Birdsgottafly I think my DDs SN mean I'm worrying a bit, I'm not too concerned about 2 year old asking for more as I know she'll lose weight when everything's sorted and she starts Nursery in Janaury, but it's more my DD i'm concerned about, she's very passive and will happily let someone take food from her and if she loses weight then it's another thing to do and she misses Nursery and regresses etc. So I think that's the main worry.

Feed the 2 girls the sane healthy food, give your DD a substantial snack in advance of the other girl coming say at 11.45am, and again after she’s left at 6pm. Do the same when your DD goes to hers; a big snack before/after. Sit them at the table together, you sit between them and do not let the other girl take food from your DD. Ask the other mum to do the same when she has the girls.

Is there food your friend’s kid doesn’t especially love, that your kid does? ie - broccoli soup? (My DD2 loves it and it makes her twin brother gag) Try something like that...

I have this but with my DC. You have to be strict about stealing g from plates ("No, that's DC2's, we don't take food from other people's plates." Take it, put back. Deal with both tantrums. "He touched it, I don't want it")

Give the eater jobs to do. Help fill water, carry plates out to sink. Only put food on the table in batches. E.g. we put a bowl of salad on the table. Nothing else until it's finished. Means DC1 fills up on salad...

Plenty of water.

As pp said, food they don't particularly like.

Let child get down from table to play whilst other finishes.

Its only a Monday. Fill up your DD before and after she comes,