To wonder if anyone else suffers appalling, crippling guilt when working from home with DC in tow?

[usernamefromhell]

I may be being a drama queen but please be gentle with me: just wondered if its normal to feel this much guilt when I have to wfh: have to do this sometimes when DD (7) is ill and not allowed to go into school as can't get time off work. I work in a client facing role and have to do numerous client calls daily. Use the mute button liberally but can't be on mute all the time. Don't have a study/work room, so I sometimes have to walk away from DD to be able to work professionally. TV/tablet only work for a limited amount of time before she gets bored. She has been told that she can't interrupt calls etc but doesn't really get it and thinks its all a huge game. There's a limit to what I can do to impress upon her the need for her to leave me alone without really shouting at her and then I feel awful.

I feel so, so guilty, like I'm damaging her and she won't every forgive me for this when she's older. Just curious to know if others experience this and if anyone has any suggestions for dealing with the guilt. It's got to the point where I'd rather send her into school really sick than have to deal with this awful lose/lose situation of being sht at my job and sht as a mother.

At 7 she really should be able to understand and respect when you're on a work call. Make sure you are around her wherever possible (ie. not on a call) but take calls in another room so she knows that you're 'out of bounds' (except in an emergency obviously). It sounds like you actually need to give her clearer boundaries rather than getting caught up in guilt.

take care of your kid or work

choose one instead of half assing both

do your company know youre doing this??

You’re not actually working for home if you’re looking after your dd?

If you were working out of the home, you’d have to organise proper childcare cover or take a day off.

I get pissed off when people “work” from home with an ill child - when actually they’re not. People in my team have tried this but I have to pull them up on it as it’s against policy and is actually CF

If she is too ill for school, she is too ill to be bored.

In bed with an audiobook or a book.. Or on the sofa with the TV on. She doesn't need entertaining, she is sick and needs to rest.

Go attend to her when you aren't on calls, but when you are on calls you need to go and work in the kitchen or your bedroom and she needs to know not to disturb you unless she is being sick or something terrible.

She has been told that she can't interrupt calls etc but doesn't really get it and thinks its all a huge game.

Is she NT? 7 year olds should be able to understand this.

To be honest it sounds lie she isn't very sick if she is fucking about like this.

I feel so, so guilty, like I'm damaging her and she won't every forgive me for this when she's older.

She knows this ans this is why she is acting up for you.

Why shoudl she behave when she can wrap you around her little finger as you're wracked with guilt?

Agile working is great but it depends on the situation with your DD. If she is too ill and needs attention, then you cant or fro home, you will have to take a day leave/flexi to look after her. If she’s unwell - so cant go to school but is okay enough to watch TV/play on tablet etc then at 7 she is old enough to know you are working and she has to amuse herself for awhile. She wont remember any of it.
Dont start with the guilt - if you weren’t feeling guilty about this then it would be something else - par for the course of motherhood, I always feel!

Agree with PP that 7 is really old enough to understand that you are working and cannot be interrupted. If she is off school sick then she should be in bed resting or at least lying on the sofa with tv/book (give her some homework to do ). You are the adult, toughen up.
(And your guilt should be directed to your employer not your DD).

She's 7, if she's bothering you this much she should be at school. She's playing you like a fiddle.

No need to shout. Consequences should be being applied for not doing what she's told. You sound very caring but there's being nice and being a pushover.

I'm allowed to WFH if my children are poorly - I sometimes need to work into the evening when my husband is home if I have had to eg take them to the doctors during the day. My youngest is nearly 7 and was off last week... I also had to spend a lot of time on the phone, and I was pleased she found it boring... as someone else has said, if you're properly ill you won't be feeling bored. She definitely knows she needs to be quiet when I'm on the phone... unless there are good reasons I'd expect that from a 5 year old tbh. Incidentally she was keen as mustard to get back to school the following day and I'm quite happy that she thinks days off school like that aren't going to be fun filled.

What’s with all the “playing you like a fiddle” and “she’s wrapping you around her finger” bollocks?

My dd is nearly 7 and if she was ill, she’d want my attention. Because they’re still a bit impulsive and need you at that age!

As a boss, I expect my employees to actually be working not actually looking after a young child.

I agree that you can't wfh and look after a child, poorly or otherwise. You just end up doing both badly.

Sorry to be harsh OP, but firstly, if your DD is an NT 7 y/o, then she really should understand the concept of you having to work. Secondly, if she is too ill for school then she should be resting quietly and not disturbing or distracting you, especially as you have a client-facing role. I'm not sure i would be overly happy with this if i was a) your employer, or b) your client.

When I was a kid if I was ill enough to be off school I was in bed all day with a book and hot water bottle, not coming downstairs demanding my DM's attention. I've no doubt if I set a foot on the floor other than to use the bathroom I would be dressed and taken straight into school whatever the time of day.

You need to treat sick days very differently to holidays/weekends and make them much less appealing. Dull, dull, dull is the way to go ime.

Yes, it's a nightmare. I've got the DC at home at the moment and am basically having to work til midnight, get up with DC at 545 and then be with them all day because they just do not accept I need peace and quiet to do some work. Shoving the screen at them buys a bit of time, as does threatening to turn it off if they talk about it too much. But, yes, as guilty as hell. Feel like I'm doing everything badly!

I wfh but I'm self employed. My 3 year old knows to stay quiet when I'm on a work call so I definitely think a 7 year old should be able to but if they're sick that changes things, they're less reasonable then obviously.

Goodness me you've had an aggressive response.

I think you need to set clear boundaries eg. Quiet time for an hour then she gets your attention.

If she's sick, its very normal to want your mum. You may have to take some time off if she's really poorly.

You won't damage her by seeing what hard work looks like as long as she's getting plenty of attention at other times.

I have a 4 and 5yo and they both understand I have to take work calls and have done since they were younger. I tend to ensure that all calls are scheduled and if needs be I take myself off upstairs to deal with the call. I've never had any issues and I don't think my kids are damaged from me having to not tend to them or entertain for that time. I agree with pp that 7 is old enough to understand.

The thing is a lot of schools (rightly so imo) have a 48 hour policy so its entirely likely that, by the end of that period, the child is feeling better but not allowed back to school so saying she should be resting in bed with a book probably isn't appropriate. However, I do think that, for a NT child of 7, you should be able to explain you have to work and they need to get on with some quiet activities, drawing etc while you are on work calls.

Oh, when I read your title, it was your employer I thought you'd be feeling guilty about.