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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have lost all respect for my brother?

11 replies

lill72 · 01/10/2018 11:47

I have have a rather tense relationship with my brother for many years, with one point of contention being his partner, now wife. But in the ast couple of years, I have gotten to like her more. We do not live in the same country so I dont see them much.

So my sister and I got an email from my brother that they had broken up. He had moved out. No more info.

Then I heard that he had moved in with another woman - his barista on the way to work (screams mid life crisis)

Then I hear from my sister that said he has be seeing said barista since April and just went on a family holiday to the beach to celebrate his wedding anniversary with his wife, then told her he had to leave 4 days early to work, which clearly was not true. He told his wife he was at work one night and signed a lease on a property to move in with barista.

Then on Fathers day (just a few weeks ago) he upped and left. On Fathers day. To go and live with barista - oh and her two children who are 1, yes 1 and 3. So she left her husband too.

My brother has gotten away with so much bad behaviour over the years but this takes the cake. We dont know what to think or do. My family are supporting his wife and two kids - oh yes one of which they adopted only 3 years ago.

It is horrific. I cant feel respect for him anymore. What would you do? I am not able to see him in person as we live 24 hours apart.

OP posts:
WhiteDust · 01/10/2018 11:50

His life, his mess. Leave him to it. He has not asked for your help or advice.
As for respecting him, you don't have to agree with his actions or respect him just because he's your brother.

lill72 · 01/10/2018 12:07

Yes I agree with all you say - thanks.
My sister poor thing is very emotionally invested in this so is getting involved. I told her to leave it.

OP posts:
Justanothernameonthepage · 01/10/2018 12:10

Can you informally adopt your SIL and leave him to whatever life he's decided he'd rather have? Just leave him to it but spend your time supporting your neices/nephews and SIL.

lill72 · 01/10/2018 12:14

Justanother - yes that is what I will do. I did reach out to my brother before I knew full sordid details and asked him if he want to chat. He said he is fine. Of course he is - at the moment - shacked up with barista chick. It is hard as Im in another country but I will do all I can o support the children and SIL.

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AngelsSins · 01/10/2018 12:54

I can’t stand my brother, he’s a liar and treats people (especially women) appallingly, so I have nothing to do with him these days. I don’t owe him my respect or empathy just because he’s my brother, and you don’t either.

lill72 · 01/10/2018 14:33

Yes Angels agree. He has done a lot over the years to me always calling me selfish etc when now I realise it is really actually him

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frecklefox · 01/10/2018 15:31

I have a half brother who is a waste of organs sounds similar.

Has had some lovely wives (yes, you read that right) and treated them all like dirt, usually finding the next before ending it with the last. Multiple kids involved, families destroyed... And I pay them no notice. I know it's easier said than done OP but try not to get involved, leave him to it.

lill72 · 01/10/2018 15:48

freckle - comiserations on our low life brothers. Do you try and have a relationshio with him at all? I barely do anyway as we live across the world from each other but seems so strange to have no relationship at all.

OP posts:
frecklefox · 01/10/2018 18:50

Luckily Lill he's only a half brother and he's not interested in having contact with me either (apart from being connected on Facebook for no good reason other than it might get political if we unfriended each other Grin), sounds like it's a bit of a relief yours is so far away!

MacosieAsunter · 01/10/2018 18:58

I'm missing the point , you've mentioned barista repeatedly, why is a barista a mid life crisis? And why is she a chick?

TBH other people relationships are their business. It doesn't impact you who he's sleeping with

lill72 · 02/10/2018 13:43

Barista - it is my nickname for this girl as this is her job. Chick - just an aussie expression id use for friends too as in hi chick. Not derogatory.

In my mind she is young . He is middle age and a professional - hence screaming mid life crisis to me - does that make sense. Hey nothing against baristas but more the situation is so darn cliche no?

Well it is my brother and he has left two young children my nieces and is now living with a woman and her 1 and 3 year old is it not my business?

OP posts:
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