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Original poster

To feel so guilty to walk somewhere now my dog isn't here

12 replies

Marble179 · 01/10/2018 10:03

Our dog was PTS 6 weeks ago. She was arescue we got at two years old, well trained before we got her and the sweetest nature. When we got her, I had a son that was 2 and then 4 years ago I had another baby. She had lots of adventures with us but as we had a decent sized garden she didn't get daily walks. I now feel so much regret over this. I always said she was the right dog just at the wrong time. Meaning we were so caught up in parenting and careers that she didn't get as much attention as someone who had time to focus on her and walk her lots.

Now my youngest has started FT school I am on a lifestyle fitness programme. I really fancy going for a walk. It's somewhere I would have taken her in the past unless we had other jobs to do that day.

I want to go but feel awful that I didn't go more when she was here. So much guilt I wish I had given her more of my time.

OP posts:
Pollypanda · 01/10/2018 10:05

No advice but sending you a huge hug Flowers. Be kind to yourself x

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/10/2018 10:08

Having a dog and young children can be really hard at times, trying to fit everything in. You gave her a loving home when she needed it most and I'm sure she loved you very much. Don't beat yourself up OP ( bloody hell crying here ) keep your memories of her in your heart and go on your walks ❤️

makingmammaries · 01/10/2018 10:08

Don’t feel bad. I am sure she was happy with the life you gave her. Could you adopt another dog now that you have more time?

Original poster
Marble179 · 01/10/2018 10:14

Everyone says she was looked after and my DH pointed out all the life she had, travelling on UK holidays with us and getting into scrapes (nearly drowning herself in a hidden stream, trying to climb a tree with my son!). I know though there was a time between my children (10 year age gap) where eldest was at school and instead of lazing on the sofa or walking around the shops or going to the gym, I should have gone out with her and spent time with her. We never really knew the story of how she came to need a home, just some friends of my in-laws had taken her in from their friends but they worked FT and didn't think it to be fair on her so me being a SAHM at the time met her and loved her. But I then went to uni and worked FT too so she spent lots of long days home alone. Once I start, I can't stop thinking about it. She would have loved the amount of walking I've been doing this week with my youngest. She could have come on the school run everyday and then for a walk with me afterwards. This would have been the best time for her to have had my attention and so many walks (I'm taking this year to get my self in shape before returning to work FT). If only she'd had another year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marble179 · 01/10/2018 10:16

@makingmammaries I think I would like to but now I know how.much I miss our old dog (my first ever) I know I will give it more attention, and that feels like I am betraying her. I still haven't moved her bed and have her ashes laid on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marble179 · 01/10/2018 10:17

I've just been crying and calling out her name to come to me. It doesn't affect Me on a day to day basis but sometimes it just hits and it's overwhelming Sad

OP posts:
PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 01/10/2018 10:17

But you gave her love and a home
Think of what the alternative could have been
Don’t beat yourself up Marble she sounds like she had a lovely life

CalonGlas · 01/10/2018 10:18

There's no point agonising now about what you could have done differently - presumably she was a happy girl and had a much nicer existence than one she'd have had in kennels, or if she'd been adopted by a family who didn't even have a big garden.

Maybe her gift to the next dog in your family is that you'll make time for more walks? Or that you'll do some volunteer walking for another dog rescue? Or an elderly neighbour who can't get out? Walks are nearly always better with a dog.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/10/2018 10:19

In time another rescue might be a good idea if you feel you have time for one. There's no rush. She's gone now and you feeling guilty isn't going to do you any good. Try and look at the positive things you did for her.

CalonGlas · 01/10/2018 10:19

(It sounds mad, but I always imagine my dear departed dogs are with me when I'm out walking the current dogs. We have quite an invisible troop going...)

Original poster
Marble179 · 01/10/2018 10:20

(Don't get me wrong, she had walks and came out with us on days out, I just wish I'd taken more of those opportunities on a daily level like my in-laws who don't work, they used to make their dog breakfast to eat with them and had a routine for walking .

OP posts:
Canshopwillshop · 01/10/2018 10:20

I think it’s a normal part of the grieving process to think about all the things you think you should have done/wished you’d done better. I felt the same about our old dog who we adopted from MIL after she had to go into a home. She had been so used to a certain routine of going out on a walk to poo and wee but I just couldn’t always stick with that so she had to get used to doing it in the garden sometimes. I beat myself up over it when we lost her and wished I’d been able to give her more time.

Your dog sounds like she was well loved and had a good life. Maybe you could think about getting another dog now you have more time?

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