To get a dog

[SaltAndPeppaPig]

My partner and I have wanted to get a dog since forever, our daughter is now almost 3 and we think now is the right time - she is obsessed with dogs and cats, any animal really. So we want a pet even more these days.

My AIBU is, my partner also has a 5 year old daughter (from a previous relationship, she stays with us every-other-weekend) who is irrationally scared of most animals, dogs included. Her mother hates dogs and so is not very supportive in trying to help her daughter to overcome her fears.

We intend to get a puppy in the near future, but how do we go about this? My partner has suggested we take his 5 year old for about 2 weeks to stay at ours when we first get the puppy - to get her used to it and be involved and hopefully quell any worries she may have.

I'm worried because I don't want to stress her out, but at the same time I know she's curious and WANTS to like animals, she's just not used to having that type of interaction with them - so she automatically freaks out. And at the same time I don't want to deny our 3 year old a family pet which she'd adore!

What would you do in this situation?? Thanks for any advice you can give me

My elder dd was absolutely terrified of dogs. I seriously don't think a puppy is going to cure that.
The best way to help her overcome the fear is to very gradually introduce her to a very calm dog. Preferably of a breed that doesn't go hyper when people arrive to visit.
My sister has two dogs, an out of control hyperactive spaniel and a placid laid back Labrador. She locks the spaniel up when we visit and the Labrador is fine so is allowed to hang around.
Some dogs are really difficult to train the spaniel my sister has has had loads of training by my sisters late partner and he was very experienced especially with working dogs and he really struggled to get through to him.
I would work on her fear with calm dogs and then in a couple of years consider a puppy if she has improved.
I would also carefully research the breed of dog.

If it were me, I’d get the dog and when 5 yr old came round Id keep them apart. Puppies can be scary for young children as they are very boisterous and VERY nippy while teething. They tend to get overexcited with small children too, especially if there’s squealing. So, invest in baby gates and cordon off puppy when the daughter comes to stay. Keep puppy on a house lead during closely supervised interaction at child’s pace. So she could watch while you play with pup - from other side of baby gate. She can give treats (throw down, not to take by hand in case of nips). I’m not a fan of very young children and dogs, and I’m heartily sick of ‘cute’ videos of kids sitting on dogs or putting them on swings, pulling tails, hugging (dogs often dislike this). So, you could teach both DCs about good interaction and have rules like - never mess with pup when sleeping, or in their own bed, don’t go to stroke by zooming your hand down over pups head (invitation to pup to jump up and nip said hand) - ALL kids seem to do this!
The secret for kids scared of dogs is for them to feel safe - pup not to approach them until they’re OK with it. My DS was terrified of dogs. I wouldn’t have got a dog when either of my DCs were very young (they were 6 and 8). Now he’s fine.

I also second not getting a puppy. They are a HUGE amount of work.

Rather, you might see about adopting an adult dog from an animal shelter. Many shelter animals turn out to be very lovely pets and (at least in my area) they are carefully vetted by the behaviour team before they are placed for adoption. Your DSD should be present when you adopt the dog (many shelters require that everyone in the household be there before they will allow the adoption).

You might start, as I suggested, by just taking her to an animal shelter and giving her time to get used to the animals. You could explain to her that you're thinking about adopting a shelter dog but that you don't have to necessarily adopt one the first time you come in. Over time, you can take her to the shelter a few more times and as she gets more accustomed to the animals, you can suggest that you and she start looking for a dog to adopt. It's possible that you may not find one you like the first time you look. That's okay. The shelter population often has a high turnover rate and so there will be other dogs available the next time you go.

The added advantage of adopting a shelter dog is that they usually come already desexed and with first shots. Typically the total cost for adoption is far less than you would pay for a purebred animal and then to have the animal desexed and vaccinated.