To ask those who've been in care as older children/teens

[Binception]

Name changed for this. I went down a mn rabbit hole recently ( I think it started from the mumsnet memories thread) and found a thread where some people who''d been in care commented on how one of their foster carers had been lovely, and caring and had changed their lives for the better after previous bad experiences, leaving them with nice memories.

I've been an independent visitor for children in care for a while, am approved for supported lodgings (not had one yet) and am considering fostering if I can be approved obviously. I am friends with several foster carers, am not totally naive to what having older teens in the care system may be like, but can always know more.

I guess I would like to hear from those who really know, what makes that difference? What are things I may not have thought of or do not get mentioned, that are important or were to you?

Obviously comments from anyone with indirect experience are welcome too :)

TIA

Being loved, nurtured and shown true kindness. I think my last foster home was the first time I'd ever really felt unconditional love and it was mind-blowing.

Being given time to regress, to have time to be and feel like a child. Being given firm boundaries but having them explained - nobody had ever explained why I couldn't do x, y and z, or the impact those choices could have. Being praised; again, it was something that hadn't happened til that point. Being shown that I was part of that family rather than an outsider (and I know as foster carers there are so many rigid rules on what you can/can't do but for a child sorely lacking in affection and kindness, there was something very comforting in being treated exactly like every other member of the family).

I will add that I was only 10 when I left care, so those things that were vital to me may change entirely for older children, but hand on heart those are the things that shaped me most. My foster carers set me up for life with their kindness.

Thank you, Idon'tbelieve that's a lovely post to read.

The boundaries one, yes definitely. Explaining why someone has a rule is important I agree, and part of knowing they're loved and cared for.