To be annoyed dp keeps saying I'm being miserable regarding my birthday!
HowCanThisBeRight · 30/09/2018 19:59
So my birthday is pretty soon.
Dp keeps asking what I want for it, And in all honesty there's nothing I want or need, however I said if he really wanted to get something, I'd be more than happy with a bunch of flowers from the children.
I also don't want to do anything the night of my birthday as, the baby has been teething and ill and we've only just got her bk in a routine. So ideally don't want to go out and I've not left her with anyone yet to feel comfortable with a sitter.
I'm happy with a take away and a movie.
During the day do has to work, no annual leave and can't afford unpaid day off. Parents working and so are my closest friends. Eldest dc will be at sch.
I'm not sad or upset about it. To me it's just another day. Im happy having the day with me and the baby. Maybe feed the ducks and go for a Cuppa in a cafe.
Dp is saying I have a miserable view to it but I honestly don't mean to be or to come across like it.
Bit of background he's also changing jobs soon and I'd rather be a bit careful with money and not spend for the sake of it so to me just buying loads of gifts, just to have something to open is silly.
redexpat · 30/09/2018 20:04
It's the birthday person who gets to choose! Why is this concept so hard for some people to grasp?
If you want a takeaway and a film then do that! Perhaps make it a slightly posher than average takeaway.
DillyDilly · 30/09/2018 20:04
Just be careful of not falling into the trap of believing you’re not worth a fuss being made for you. If you celebrate your DP’s birthday, your children’s birthdays, etc it’s only reasonable that yours be celebrated too.
Do not become the type of person that has their children’s wardrobes and toy boxes overflowing while you don’t spend anything on yourself or allow others to treat you.
HowCanThisBeRight · 30/09/2018 20:10
That's true. I do always make a huge fuss over all of them and always treat them and go without as I never want things or rather spend the money on them all.
BettyWoo · 30/09/2018 20:13
I think you're being really sensible. Birthdays and special occasions often end up being stressful for everyone involved, especially if money or time is tight. It is lovely that he wants to make a special effort for you, but he needs to understand that putting pressure on you to make a fuss when you don't want one isn't much of a birthday treat! I'm sure his heart is in the right place though :)
adaline · 30/09/2018 20:14
Could you maybe suggest a takeaway, but have it as a candlelight meal with a bottle of wine, and then a movie together on the sofa? Rather than just a takeaway in PJ's?
I hope that makes sense - it might make it feel a bit more special and it would help DP feel like he was spoiling you a little bit?
SassitudeandSparkle · 30/09/2018 20:29
Hmm, if you normally make a big fuss (of everyone else) then it might look like a test for them to get it right for you, or a bit passive-agressive if you say 'no, I don't matter'. That might not be the way you mean it, but it might come across like that.
Beautifulblue · 30/09/2018 21:33
@HowCanThisBeRight YANBU. It's my birthday tomorrow. DP asked the same 'what do you want to do?' It's really sweet of him to ask, but we have a 1 yo & im pregnant I really can't be arsed. Take away sounds amazing, no cooking, no washing up... I saw DP come in with a couple of cards earlier too, so if he writes something nice in them that'll be me happy I don't agree with if you celebrate kids/OH birthdays you should celebrate yours too, only if you actually want to not because you feel owed it, because everyone is different! Everyone has a different idea of happy & if having a take away & a glass of wine at home is your idea of happy on your birthday your my kind of girl!
HowCanThisBeRight · 30/09/2018 21:43
Thanks. I certainly wouldn't want it to come across as PA. I've just never been fussed for me. I love organising things for everybody else and treating them.. That in fact is what makes me happy
I agree I much prefer nice words in a card. Which he always does. I keep the cards and date them so that's much more meaningful to me.
RibbonAurora · 30/09/2018 21:48
YANBU OP - your birthday your choice.
That's with the proviso you don't come back here the day after and post a pity party thread that no one did anything special for you!
Happy birthday to you and you too Beautifulblue!
HowCanThisBeRight · 30/09/2018 21:50
Ah no there certainly won't be a pity thread lol
Thanks It's just over a week away yet tho.
museumum · 30/09/2018 21:53
I love organising things for everybody else and treating them.. That in fact is what makes me happy
But you’re depriving your family of that feeling of doing something lovely for you. Be gracious and let them do something nice for you or buy you something. Please.
garethsouthgatesmrs · 01/10/2018 00:11
YABU OP because its not unreasonable to want to buy you a present or treat you in some wayt. Just cos the baby is teething doesn't mean you can't do something! What about the weekend before/after? Ok so you don't want to go out, well how about a dvd of your favourite film or play a board game together or early night and a bubble bath, surely its not unreasonable for your partner to want you to do something a bit special just for you. To me it sounds like you are being a martyr.
corythatwas · 01/10/2018 00:21
If you take pleasure from treating others then I think you need to be a bit more generous about allowing him the same kind of pleasure.
Even if you genuinely can't afford spending money on anything just now, surely you could come up with something that would give you pleasure and show him that it would? It's all in the phrasing. "Well, you know, what I would really love would be if we could get a takeaway from X and then curl up and watch this film that I've always wanted to see" is a lot nicer to hear than an Eeyoore-ish "never mind me, it's just another day, nothing special".
Show him that little things are are within his scope are special. "Just some flowers from the children" sounds like you've totally written him out of the scenario of giving you pleasure.
Be generous to other people in giving them the gift of giving. Unless you really want everybody in the family to stop accepting the things you do for them. Do you? Probably not. Marriage is a two-way street. Both partners need an equal chance of being the giver and the recipient.
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 01/10/2018 00:28
I wanted a nice relaxing bath, some wine, a good book and an early night. Maybe it's boring but that's want I wanted.
If you have a busy life sometimes a bit of calm is what you want the most.
Everyone insisted I had a party, so there was all the preparation, catering then clean up afterwards. Happy Fucking Birthday!
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