Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Genuine question? Weight related.

24 replies

beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:14

Ok....so I'm looking for honesty. Without too much brutality as I am quite a a sensitive soul....
Round at a friends today...kids playing, having a few drinks etc. My friend says she's conscious of her boy being overweight, or at least she doesn't want it to be a long term issue. He's 9.
Our boy is 7, no weight issues whatsoever, but my dh said "you never know he might end up being big, and take after his mother". Yes I am overweight(size 14/16 5ft 3inch), I know this. Our youngest is 9 months old, and I am struggling to lose the weight, I'm tired, the usual. I am sensitive about it, which my dh knows. Weve had this convo many times. But he still doesn't understand and why I'm upset.

What do you guys think?? I'm really sad. I cried and he couldn't understand why? Said he didn't see it as a big deal. I'm I being precious?? He has apologised since. Is this a men are from mars women are from Venus situation?? What do we think?? It's pissing me off!!

TIA. X

OP posts:
glintandglide · 30/09/2018 18:15

That was really unkind especially in front of your friends. No wonder you’re upset

Poodles1980 · 30/09/2018 18:15

Is he an Adonis? If not tell him to fuck off

Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:16

No, not am Adonis. I've said this to him....when he's brad Pitt come back to me. Lol.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/09/2018 18:17

He was rude to you
Is he often mean like this?

PawneeParksDept · 30/09/2018 18:17

Dreadful. Of course you cried it was a shitty thing to say and if he can't see why then he has issues of his own need addressing

florenceheadache · 30/09/2018 18:18

He’s an idiot, at 5’3” it’s not easy especially if you’ve just had a baby.

SerenDippyEggs · 30/09/2018 18:18

Horrible thing to say especially in front of your pals! Who's he trying to impress🤨 I wish you hit back with a classic MN tinkly laugh and a small pecker joke combo! Finish himmmm

Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:19

Occasionally Shox. I think he's trying to be funny.Hmm

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 30/09/2018 18:19

I don't get it. You said your friend was talking about her son. So what your dh said referee to the friend?

Waitingonasmiley42 · 30/09/2018 18:19

He was horrible. Flowers. Totally understandable you’d be upset.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 30/09/2018 18:20

Unkind to say at any point but in front of other people. That's a bitter pill. I don't think I'd forgive this.

Sorry OP. You had a baby only 9 months ago. You could LTB and drop him much quicker.

Thanks
Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:22

I said that Seren. Who were you trying to impress, my friend (female, slim) took an I take of breath. I was a Bit shocked, but didn't want to make a scene......I have since. Grin He says I'm overreacting.

OP posts:
BengalLioness · 30/09/2018 18:25

My hubby thinks he's funny when he says things like that at home and tbh it doesn't bother me too much - but I would murder him if he said in public in front of other people. Especially straight after a baby when you're pretty self conscious about body changes anyway! I'm sure you're beautiful just the way you are - don't let it get you down x

Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:38

Thanks Benha. I'm not horrendous....but regardless it's the way he says it. So flippantly, even though he knows I'm sensitive about it. I know I need to lose weight, him making me feel shitty will only lead to more wine drinking....which is what I'm currently doing. He is currently stood cooking a Sunday dinner, bit of rather him be nice and show love/respect to me than anything else!!

OP posts:
Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 18:39

*but I'd....sorry. the wine.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 30/09/2018 18:51

It was a totally unnecessary and unkind comment. I'm not surprised you're upset.

A lot of men don't seem to attache much emotion or judgement to size and will remark on their own and other people's stature as if it's as neutral a comment as a remark on someone's height. So he may not have intended to hurt.

But, even if he is like that, to have got to the age and experience of being married with children and not to realise that women don't view weight in such a carefree objective way is incredibly obtuse of him.

Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 19:14

I'm pretty mad. Angry

OP posts:
user1471459936 · 30/09/2018 19:22

Are you normally much slimmer? My husband made "jokes" about my weight post partum but felt he could as I am usually slim (and was back to my normal size by the time baby was a year old). Still not funny though.

Original poster
beckieperk · 30/09/2018 20:07

Errrr very up and down tbh user....when we met I was perhaps a stone slimmer?! When we married neat 2 years after that perhaps 2.5 stone slimmer. Haven't been a size 10 since basic training in 2002, which is 6 years before I met him.

OP posts:
Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 30/09/2018 20:13

See... I'm going to be the odd one here. It sounds like you go up and down a but with weight, but almost always in the "overweight" category. Overweight parents tend to have overweight children. So for someone to say "he might take after his mum and be a bit overweight" is actually quite a true comment.

It's insensitive. And saying it infront of someone else really isn't OK; It's downright mean. But the comment in general, said in private isn't completely evil. It might be a genuine worry that your husband has.

SerenDippyEggs · 30/09/2018 20:21

Glad you said it! Hope you're feeling better OPThanks

SpiritedLondon · 30/09/2018 20:22

I don’t think every woman is sensitive about weight but I think a lot are and you’d need to be quite an imbecile to live with a person and not know if they were going to be upset by a comment like that. I would suggest he genuinely has that concern but I wonder what the specific issue is - is his fear that your DS will genetically predisposed to be overweight or that you are a “ feeder” and will be shovelling lots of crap food down his throat? Perhaps if it’s the latter he wants to take over food shopping and cooking if he doesn’t do so already ( as a size 16/18 you have my sympathy OP - it’s tough)

Tartsamazeballs · 30/09/2018 20:27

Better to take after his mum and have some extra weight than take after his dad and be a raging thundercunt ill mannered

PlinkPlink · 30/09/2018 20:28

Woah! What an arse!

I put on alot of weight during my pregnancy. I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I looked after birth. It took me a long time to lose both a majority of it. I am still trying to lose the last few pounds now.

At no point did my OH comment on my weight. He always said I look beautiful no matter what my weight is, which should be the default statement. Anything negative about my weight would have resulted in a fucking shitstorm!!!!

You are no over reacting, you are perfectly entitled to get arsey with him. You have just created a wonderful human being. You will lose weight however long it fucking takes and whenever you are inclined to do so. And it should not be up for fucking discussion by your OH in front of your mates! Ever!

That should dust him off 😂

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread