to ask if this is just being a mum or depression?

[felicityy]

Wasn't sure where to post so posted here for traffic. Have name changed as feel so guilty for writing all this.

I just hate being a mum, my DC are 6 & 2, the youngest is constantly having a tantrum, the eldest is constantly winding him up for a reaction or whinging himself about the food, whatever we have planned, getting his shoes on etc.

I am a single parent and their father isn't really involved so I'm on my own with them, I'm just starting to feel like everyday is a blur and the same thing, whinging about breakfast, fighting over toys. Youngest cries in the buggy and has tantrums over everything when walking so school runs are a nightmare, he will only nap at home and without a nap is just in constant tears from 2pm onwards...

Just broke down in tears infront of the DC (a low moment for me) Because after a really long testing day the littlest chucked his bowl of spag bol straight on the floor and as I cleaned it up the eldest was hanging over me whinging that it tastes funny.

I'm just finding it so overwhelming giving 100% to these demanding small people, the youngest still doesn't sleep through the night and has taken to waking up at 8.30/9 so I'm not even getting an evening.

I dread everyday and just feel like I probably enjoy 10% of our day and the rest is just hurrying along the day until my hours peace 7.30/8.30 which is largely filled up with cleaning and tidying up anyway...

I don't know whether to speak to someone about this (And if so would have to take DC2 to the appointment!) or if this is fairly normal and I'm just expecting to much given they are still small? I felt like I enjoyed DC1 a lot more than I do now juggling two.

It’s just being a mum imo. It’s miserable. You basically don’t have a life any more.

I felt like you so I went back to work full time. I rarely see them now in the week but I really enjoy our weekends together now.

I don’t think it is being a mum. It sounds like things are tough for you right now and maybe speaking to your GP for some extra support would help.

I don't think it's just being a mum, I'm a single mum and I have hard day's where DC won't settle and nothing is right etc but on the whole I'm happy with my life and enjoy motherhood. I have suffered terrible depression in the past as well. I would see you GP if you are feeling down. Is there anybody who can have the kids for 24 hours so you can do some nice things for yourself?

I dont have anyone who would have them really. My DM would have them occasionally for a doctor's appt or something but she works full time also and tends to spend her weekends socially so I'd feel bad to ask her to babysit if just for a break. I've hinted in the past hoping she'd volunteer an hour or so but she just said what did I think motherhood would be like .

I love them immensely and feel so guilty once they are asleep, I think to myself that the next day I will try better to be more patient, more loving and just generally better but my 9am the next morning I feel the same bedraggled tired emotional wreck.

It doesn’t sound like either, it sounds like life of a SINGLE mum. Op it sounds really tough can you arrange an occasional babysitter? Local kids who are looking for some pocket money or ‘mothers help’ - lots of young people training in childcare would do this in their spare time. Even if you could just have a few hours to yourself once a week I think it would make an enormous difference x

tends to spend her weekends socially

This sounds rough - she’s a grandmother and should be helping out!

I feel for you it must be really hard on your own.

I look after my two on my own a lot and I find it much much harder when there are two parents.

I wondered if your mum might be willing to have one child for a couple of hours on the weekend which will give you a chance to spend time with the other 1-1. Hopefully she might have the smallest as you can probably have a better time with the biggest (I dont mean that nastily but you prob spend more 1-1 time with the smallest).

I sometimes hate being a mum - both my two refused to eat the lasagna I made for them tonight. Smallest threw it all on the floor and some hit the curtain which really annoyed me :(

I then wondered if it would be bad to just make any old thing from now on cuz they barely eat my food anyway.

I think everyone has struggles but it must be hard on your own as you get absolutely no break.

Also the sleep thing really gets to me - my smallest is 17m and sleeps really badly. It gets me down, I go to bed 45 mins after him and he always gets up really early...feels like he is completely controlling all aspects of my life!

I didn’t realise being a mum would be so hard and two has been much harder than I expected.

Take care xx

Sorry that second para was supposed to say it must be much harder with one parent lol!

I sometimes wonder this same thing.

Ex dp is really quite involved though so I can only imagine how difficult it must be with no support.

Could you maybe get a part time job? I know it’s difficult to fit around school etc... But lo may be entitled to 15 free hours? I realise it’s not as simple as it sounds but I managed albeit very luckily, to find one that works, most of the time anyway 🙈

Honestly having a little part time job saves my sanity. If this isn’t possible, you could check if the youngest is entitled to free hours which you could work around when the oldest is at school?

Just to give yourself some breathing space. I really do sympathise, it’s relentless at times and as much as my love my dc, some days I feel myself counting down the hours until it’s their bed time.

Rarely see your own children? 😱

Who said they rarely see their own children @lynmilne65 🤔

I’m a single mum too and I seem to spend my whole life rushing. I think that goes with the territory.
Are you a sahm? Time off is essential. Can you set aside an afternoon for you-time. Book a babysitter and then go back to bed or lie in a hot bath, go window shopping or have someone over for coffee.
How soon will your youngest be eligible for free nursery hours? Your dcs need at least one cheerful involved parent and to achieve that, you need to look after yourself. Sod the hoovering, the world won’t end if it gets done a day or two late.