Team sports and confidence

[Lago1]

So, my fairly quiet shy child, has started playing rugby, and after the last few training sessions and matches, he has come out upset, he feels as though no one is passing to him (which from what I have seen, seems fairly accurate), and he thinks he is the only one that isn't getting a go with the ball. He hasn't been playing for long, but a lot of the others are also new. Would you speak to the coach or give it more time?

unfortunately fairly standard with 'team' games which are usually anything but. Have a chat with the coach to see if he is interested in helping kids enjoy sport or simply winning matches.

if the latter, your son can switch to any activity that doesn't involve a ball and he'll find it a lot more fun. 'team' sport has a lot to answer for in putting people off.

You need to find out how competitive the coach and team are. If it’s a very competitive affair he may never see any game time :(

I don't think it's that the coach is overly competitive, just my son kind of gets forgotten about and the other kids pass between themselves because he is quieter and doesn't really make his presence known if that makes sense. And I suppose they want to pass to the player more likely to score. I think it has probably gone unnoticed by the coach, so I might see how next week goes then have a chat the week after if it's still the same. It was supposed to be a confidence booster for him but it may turn into the opposite 🙁

How old is he? Is it tag rugby? I only ask because when my son started tag rugby he never got the ball so I told him to be the kid that gets the most tags. He ended up getting player's player of the year from his team mates as they realised how valuable he was. They passed the ball to him a lot more as well.

Yes it is tag, good advice thank you. The focus seems to be on scoring, but defence is just as important 🙂

Always speak to the coach. We like to know these things.

Don’t despair though, it does take time for a new player to join and mesh into a settler team. Just remember that your son has to get to know their play and they have to get to know your son. The more he plays, the more he will actually pay if you get me.

I always say to kids upset about feeling they miss on ball time, that having the ball is only one way you can make an impact on the rugby pitch. That their importance on the field isn’t measured by catching or throwing. That they’re all an important part of a machine.

How old is he?
When dd first started football, no one passed to anyone, they weren't able to.
If he's older, and others in the team are well established, I can absolutely see it from both sides.

He is 7 so only young still, and actually does play football as well, where they are all only really starting to pass, but he is able to to get the ball himself with enough effort whereas it doesn't work like that with tag rugby, you need someone to pass to you. He is a very observant and picks everything up, so is very aware that he is getting the least time on the ball, and he is asking me why no one passes to him 😕

Ok. Have you watched enough to know why others aren't passing to him?

Rugby is not just about getting the ball though - if he's awesome at getting tags it won't matter if he doesn't get the ball as often. If he's upset you definitely need to chat to the coach -my dd (10) and ds (13) have both played since they were 6 and absolutely love it - much more inclusive generally than football as the RFU make a big deal out of everybody getting game time etc. At this age they tend to pass the ball to their mates but they soon realise that the team do better if they pass to the player in the best position!

Is he in the right place to receive a pass?
When only 7, I've noticed from dds football, they'll yell for the ball whilst standing directing behind a defender, or they'll yell for it 20 yards away from a throw in (neither are achieveable)

Also encourage him to shout for the ball - helps the player with the ball spot them in the chaos!

Possibly because although he is finding space (which is great) the space is too far away from the ball so the other players are only seeing the kids close up... and I think because he is so quiet, he doesn't really make sure other know he is there and waiting. Another reason could be that some of the kids have established themselves as 'good' players, so maybe they think it's best to pass to them. I'm not really sure, I might give it another week, then ask the coach to keep an eye and see what he thinks.

When my dss played tag, the coach would give them all a turn in receiving the ball from the restart and having a run. Might this be an option?

They have to pass back to restart, so whowever starts with the ball won't get to make a run if that makes sense. Think we will have to see how it goes and maybe give it a miss if it causes too much upset.

I reckon at 7 they won't be not passing to him on purpose. Not at their age, not yet, though I'm sure there does come a time when better players are looked for.
I think they'll be passing to who they can see and hear, as simple as that. If he wants the ball, he needs to hunt the ball.

Do you think I will sound like a pushy interfering parent if I mention it to coach, or do you think it will be OK too?

They all got a turn receiving the ball from the player at the restart. No, I would ask the coach if ds can have a turn each match - the coach can tell the player restarting who to pass to.

Definitely think the advice to get him to focus on tagging is sound. Not everyone can be a striker, and if he gets good at tagging his team will really value him.