Very Exasperated Step mum

[Teacup2018]

I thought it would make things better for us as a blended family by using my Mothers inheritance to buy a home for DP my 2DS and 2SS. I also used maintenance from ExH to fund 1SS private schooling so all our children had equal schooling. We still have to be frugal to get by but we were prepared to sacrifice things.
DP kept own house and rent to fund income imbalance too.

1st DS and 1st SS at uni own finance arrangements but 2nd SS, wants to stay at home for hid local university.

Financially we compromised on free rent and domestic bills and SS would pick up own food bills and travel costs. I will still do clothes washing and SS will help with dishwasher.

DP has avoided mentioning our agreement with his DS that was due to start this weekend as he doesn't feel comfortable with it !

Thinks I am being petty. I feel so hurt and unappreciated. That nothing will change for the next 3 yrs and I will have to help fund his food too.
SS 19yrs has still not taken steps to find a job despite several leads I have passed on.

How can I tackle this without DP silent treatment or him needing time to think... DH will wait long enough until problem is forgotten or I give up. Or will comment that I am always right and wont let up and not interested in his view point.
I just ask further questions to gain his understanding/ rational which he doesn't like.

Drinking wine on a Sunday isn't giving me any further clarity.

Still cant believe you used money from your ex that was meant for your kids on paying your ss school fees, absolute piss take

That money could have helped with driving lessons, first car, house deposit. Stepchildren have a tendency to not love and appreciate their step-parents all that much, certainly not as much as you would like, especially when they are older when the new relationship starts.

If your partner has kept his house to himself whilst yours is shared, it is hard not to say you are getting what you deserve for being so gullible and desperate to please a man. That's harsh, but it's honestly what I feel.

If you are tennents in common on “his” house too I can have some belief in his good intentions, I doubt you have though.

I'm sorry, I can't get over the fact you used money for your children to fund his DS' schooling.

That aside, I'm sorry you're going through this, though I think you need to question if you can live funding his son for the next 3 years in addition to what you already do. I would question what happens when SS2 doesn't have enough money for food etc as you're obviously not going to let him starve. It does appear, certainly on the surface that you have an additional teenager in parts at home with your DP if he does the silent treatment etc, gets annoyed by you questioning/challenging him.

I have no advice for you and hope all works out for you

Your a fool.

@7yo7yo spot on!

Wow ..what am I reading..this is not an equal relationship.you are allowing your self to be used..it might of been slightly better if you and he had married,at least there would of been a change for things to be fair in the event of a split.did you / don't you have any friends? Coz I would of seriously talked a friend out of doing what you've done .

I don't understand why making a 19yo pay for their own food is tantamount to abuse? He is an adult. If he was living away from the family home, he would have to pay.

Your SS isn't going to learn how to be independent if he can't even load a dishwasher or cook a meal for himself.

That aside, you need to protect your money for your own DCs sake. If it all went away today, could you trust your DP to fund your own children's education like you have his children's?

I'm another one who is stunned that you used the maintenance money to pay for your step children to go to school. That could, and should, have been used for your own children. Does your ex know about this?

If it was that important to your partner that his kids receive the same education as your DC, then he should've paid for it himself.

Any sympathy I should have for the fact that you've been taken for a ride by this man is counterbalanced by the fact you deprived your own children of things they could've had from the maintenance paid by their own father.

I don't understand making the19 year old pay for his own food. Unless he always eats at different times to the rest of the family, that doesn't seem practical at all. If I'm cooking a meal for DH and myself, then it makes perfect sense to cook one for any children who may be home at the time too.