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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel utterly dejected?

13 replies

ARoomSomewhere · 30/09/2018 15:52

3 weeks ago, i was offered a job, very unexpectedly.
I've been out of work for 15 years (longstanding health probs and two autistic children plus living very rurally limited my options)
The job is full time and also includes a post grad Uni course.
I am separated from my H but asked him whether he thought he could do a bit more (couldn't do less...) to take care of his kids. His response was: 'yes, i am fed up of you not earning, get on with it' (my DLA has put the food in his kids mouths for years, since i left him he's not paid any maintenance, but i thought he might be motivated by my earning). I spoke to the kids, explained that I'd be more tired, but still 'mum' and we'd all have to pull together to make it work. They are 14 and 11 and High functioning autism so i thought they 'got it'.
I am 2 weeks in. The course is much harder than i thought, and hugely disorganised (i'm not even registered yet, a Uni issue, so cant access the Library and am already behind). The location of the job is 30m further away than i thought and i don't drive and cant easily access it by public transport (i asked but was told i was 'informed this at interview' (i wasn't!) I discovered from other staff that the Co tend to say one thing and do another re employees.
The kids have been kicking off quite a bit. They need a lot of extra input esp re school. I've not had much break at work (30m per 8 hours but not every day) and i've had a lot of phone calls from school to deal with. The work is not only in a diff location but upstairs (no lift and front door / toilet etc downstairs) and i am on double crutches so i think its going to be very hard.

But if i give it up now it will screw up all my benefits.
Because i'd be 'leaving a job' i might not get anything for months.
I am SO down. I don't see any way out of this.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 30/09/2018 15:55

Didn’t want to read and run.
I’m so sorry. Not sure what advice to give, I’m sure someone will be along soon.
Flowers

hazell42 · 30/09/2018 15:59

I'm sorry you are struggling. If you have been on benefits for a long time and have did a you might be able to do a rapid reclaim. Sometimes they ley you try a new job without losing out.
However you might find that things get easier
It's a big adjustment for you and your kids and it might just need some time for them to get used to it.
Good luck

Unic0rnwrapp · 30/09/2018 16:25

Why are you not claiming child maintenance from your ex, do it through CSA

TheOxymoron · 30/09/2018 16:44

Oh you poor thing. It sounds like it is a bit too much.
How about calling citizens advice tomorrow and seek some guidance.
It sounds like you have so much to cope with and so little support.
I am sorry I can’t be more helpful but I do recognise your pain. Flowers

MrsStrowman · 30/09/2018 16:56

Their dad needs to step up, and that includes dealing with the school etc

ARoomSomewhere · 30/09/2018 20:58

Unicorn and MrsStrowman I agree! But you cant MAKE another adult do anything, unfortunately.

Just not sure whether to hand in notice tomorrow. If i do, I think that's it, I'll never be able to do anything :(

OP posts:
bubbles108 · 30/09/2018 21:31

But you cant MAKE another adult do anything, unfortunately.

You can make a man pay maintenance for his kids by going to the CSA or a solicitor

bubbles108 · 30/09/2018 21:32

Can you hold off handing in your notice and get info from CAB about going straight back onto DLA

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 30/09/2018 21:33

I'm sorry that's such a pain. Is there anyone else in your life who would be willing to help?

CurbsideProphet · 30/09/2018 21:35

As far as I'm aware you wouldn't be able to make a claim for benefits for 24 weeks if you leave your job. Can you discuss with work a referall to Occupational Health to discuss reasonable adjustments? I'm sorry, this sounds really tough for you Flowers

ARoomSomewhere · 30/09/2018 21:40

Prophet Yes that is my fear. Prob is they are asking me to travel to an area i cant get to via public transport (I dont drive). I queried this and got an email saying they mentioned it in the interview. They didnt - I would have remembered as I would have known i couldnt do it! I dont have a contract of employment yet but they paid me for 2 weeks.

Its bloody hard - there is no provision for you to try to go back to work and then find you are too ill do to it :(

OP posts:
MrsOprah · 01/10/2018 09:10

Does your council have a Disabled Children's Services team? They'll help with kids and school. Do you have ehcp in take for the kids, might need updating, because they should need to constantly call you if they're covered by school provision

MrsOprah · 01/10/2018 09:11

*in place

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