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AIBU?

Anyone live away from family?

9 replies

RoomOfRequirement · 30/09/2018 15:33

Currently live abroad with DH. We've just left the UK after 2 weeks with family and I'm feeling so lost. On the one hand, my life is here now, and I like it. On the other, leaving my sister, niece, nephew and parents is awful. I can't imagine not seeing them for another year or maybe more.

Have of course considered moving back, but there's other things to consider. DH's family is here, and they're much more elderly and frail, leaving currently isnt an option. Or, could be, but would be an awful thing to do and he'd be miserable.

AIBU to think it's impossible to ever be truly happy when you're always caught between 2 places and sets of people?

Just feeling awful rn.

OP posts:
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elQuintoConyo · 30/09/2018 15:43

My divorced parents live at opposite ends of the UK. My dsis lives in the antipodes, you can perhaps work out from my username where i am. I couldn't be further from my family.

DH's family all (bar one married brother with 2dc who live abroad) live within a 5-mile radius. Sadly they're all about as useful as chocolate teapots and fairly unpleasant. DH sees them alone.

I have good, reliable friends, local friends not expats who will move away. I have jpined a club and am on the PTA at DS' school, i also volunteer to do 'crafts in English' and other such things for his class, and for the school.

My life is full here, DS' life is full here. His GPs visit from UK once/twice a year and he has a lot of fun then and if/when we fly over to them. Tbh i have met my niece only once when she was 2.5, never met my nephew (only via skype), they haven't met DS.

It is what it is. But i'd never move back to the UK!

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Heratnumber7 · 30/09/2018 15:43

Could you go home to visit more often? Or can family come to you for holidays?

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TeacupTattoo · 30/09/2018 15:52

I haven't seen my sister in 10 years. She's my only family and I miss her very much. I'd love to work out a way to be closer but we have jobs and housing here. Life is so short. Do you have plans with DH to ever be near your family?

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Evvvve · 30/09/2018 16:05

Flowers I lived abroad (husband and just 1 dc at the time) for about 18 months, we moved back to our home country due to work and now are considering a permant move back to the other country in the next few years.
When we first moved there I was feeling so lost and upset, I thought I'd made a huge mistake and I missed home and family so much. Have a look on meetup and see if you can get involved with some social groups, it'll make it easier for you.
Give it some time and I'm sure you'll feel more settled, it's still all so new for you. But maybe view it as a trial, if you're really really unhappy in a few months time then have a word with your partner and think about moving back.

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Didntwanttochangemyname · 02/10/2018 17:13

My family are scattered far and wide, I miss them, and I'd love a hand with the children, but I've had to learn to be self sufficient.

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AprilSnakehole · 02/10/2018 17:22

I’ve lived abroad for 5 years in the Middle East. I always find the hardest times when I’ve just returned as I question my reasons for being abroad and whether I’m being selfish as I know it upsets mainly my mother and my sister. I feel sometimes like I’m missing out on family occasions, watching my godchildren grow and the big events in my friends’ lives. But- I do love my life here which is why I think I feel so guilty. I always try to keep myself busy and plan nice things for the first weeks after returning. I hope you’re okay!

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Bluebell878275 · 02/10/2018 17:27

I live in the UK, my brother lives in Spain, my sister lives in the States and my parents moved to the States last year. My husband's family are fairly near-by but it's not the same. I miss my sister the most. Sorry, OP, it is hard. She's lived in the States for 15 years plus and I still cry in private moments. I just want to go out for a cuppa, mooch around the shops - do normal sister things! I also love my life here... - it's very hard.

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ContessasGulagSpaDay · 02/10/2018 17:31

I grew up in the Middle East with half my family in Europe and the rest in another European country; now I live in the UK but we're 2.5 hours from the nearest family members and don't see them that often (maybe 3-4 times a year). I suppose it's different for me as I grew up like this though - I'd find it weird living near family at this point! Sorry you're finding it hard op.

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Stroller15 · 02/10/2018 17:59

I live in the UK, my parents in Africa and sister in Asia. I have no family here and am finding it really hard having my own kids now (newborn and toddler). As PP said, would love to just pop in to see my family on any other Saturday. There are reasons why we are here so I remind myself of that. My one friend once commented on how fortunate I was to have basically 2 worlds to live in with people who love us on both sided of the world. Bit airy fairy maybe but it did reframe it for me.

See how it goes OP, maybe you can come home more often for now?

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