To ask if I was rude?

[candiedrose]

Three years ago dh and I moved away. One of my friends made a real effort to keep in touch. She has now moved abroad but suggested that she came to see me one weekend. I just couldn’t fit her in but I forgot to reply to her text. I did eventually get back to her and I apologised loads for not texting back. But she has been really off with me ever since. Dh thinks she’s fed up of me.

I think your dh may be right. Is it feasible that she feels it’s all a bit one sided?

I think if you’ve moved on and really don’t have the time or inclination to put more in to the friendship then it’s kinder all round to let things play out naturally rather than feeding her expectations with hollow ‘we must get together’s.

Otherwise it may be that she needs the support and you need to make the time. Moving abroad is a big shift and she could be struggling.

Can you give us a time frame?

Time frame of what bianca? Sorry?

It probably did come over as rude/neglectful/like you couldn't be bothered. But you've explained. Some friendships can weather things like this quite easily. But it can matter more to some people than others if they've felt slighted. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I've picked up friendships again after a ten-year absence.

Between when she text you and you text her back? You said you forgot so was it a couple of days? Weeks? Months? If you were a couple of days late in texting back, I think SIBU, if it was weeks or longer, that's a bit of a pisstake IMO

It was just under a week - six days.

And was it the following weekend she was trying to arrange this for?

Yes

So a supposedly good friend texts you to suggest an imminent visit/meet-up and you don't reply until it's effectively too late? Do you really need to ask if that would be perceived as rude?

So she had suggested she come over the next weekend and you just didn't bother replying to her text? So she was just left hanging about whether to book flights, time off work etc and you hadn't even bothered your arse to acknowledge her text? It's spectacularly rude. Can't believe you even have to ask. Also imagine it was very hurtful for your friend to be ghosted when she suggested she visit. You owe her a big apology and that might not be enough to salvage the friendship.

Agree with tootrue

Yeah you were rude

Yes, IMO you haven’t treated her as a friend.

You moved away and you say your friend made a real effort to keep in touch. Did you make much of an effort?

She suggests you meet up but you ‘just couldn’t fit her in’? I would move heaven and earth to catch-up with a good friend I didn’t see regularly.

Then you ‘forget’ to reply to her message.

Sounds like you just CBA.

Yes you were rude. You apologised but like I say to my kids - words are easy to say I want to see actions and behavior. What have you actually done since then to fix things that have actually involved you making an effort to put things right?

Rude!

you didn't really forget, if you couldn't fit her in you would have just sent an immediate response, it's not like you didn't know/were trying to juggle stuff.

you just didn't bother.

yes rude.

Well, yes. It is rude. However, it's not the end of the world, I've got friends who have done similar to me and they apologise and we move on.

Yep, you were rude. Sorry.

Yep, pretty rude. I have to say if I text a friend suggesting we meet and they didn't bother replying for the best part of a week, I'd probably not bother with them either.

You’ve treated your friend really badly here.

“Explaining” doesn’t fix that.

If you really want to make amends I’d talk to her and find sometime to go see her and treat her to a day to doing things she would like

OP isn't going to come back is she?

This friendship is one sided. I feel sorry for your friend.

OP isn't going to come back is she?

Never say never. She might reply in a week or so.

She might reply in a week or so. :o

Trills