Memorial tattoo for friend

[ThinkingOfEl]

TW

A few years ago I was in a very dark place mentally and was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for a few months. I met a girl there who helped me build myself up to being better and supported me whole heartedly. We stayed close after my discharge and became amazing friends.

Unfortunately, things became too difficult for her to cope with and she ended her own life in April of this year. Words cannot even begin to describe how difficult this has been for everyone around her. She had the whole world at her fingertips. She fought her depression for years but sadly it became too hard to battle anymore. Every single night I cry for her. I feel I lost a piece of myself when we lost her. I miss her smile and her laugh, and her childlike obsession with all things pink and unicorns and glitter.

I want to get a small tattoo of her name. Very minimalist. Just as a reassurance she is still beside me. And to remind myself that I need to keep fighting. For my loved ones, and for her. The last thing she said to me was to never give up fighting.

I was discussing it with another friend of hers/mine and she was disgusted that I'd try to "make her death about me". That's really not what I want to do. Would it be disrespectful to get a memorial tattoo for her so that she's always with me?

I don’t think it would be disrepectful but I do think you’re putting a lot on one person. I don’t think this is an entirely normal reaction to something incredibly sad.

Why don't you have the words 'Never give up fighting' instead?

I wouldn't get her name or initials - you will have to explain it to people for the rest of your life and there will be lots of occasions when you don't want to share it, or at least want to share it in your own time. If you have anything have a symbol that only you understand, maybe a flower that starts with the same letter as her name or something you both liked so that you can remember her. Let it represent everything you learnt from her, and everything you continue to learn because of her.

Agree with what Reaa said - have the tattoo of 'Never give up
fighting'. It has a strong meaning and would be a great tribute
to your friend, and everytime you looked at it, it would be a
reminder for you to stay strong as well.

Could you get a pink unicorn? Or, as PP have suggested, the words "never stop fighting".

People get tattoos when they are in their bad place and then regret once they’re out the other side.

I would look into some grief counselling instead.

I agree that a symbol, rather than her name, might be something to think about.

So sorry for your loss.

I personally wouldn't get her name, but a symbol. Based on what you've said, a unicorn would be lovely - you could even go for a very simple outline?

I did exactly this. Not her name but a picture strongly associated with her.

Not making her death about me but recognising her enormous impact n my life and that she will be part of me forever. Suggestion that it's making my friend's death about me has made me really angry. The person who said that is out of order.

I'd do it but not her name just something to remember her by but keep it to yourself as your own special memorial. If you show it off and tell everyone about it then yes you are making it all about you. Sorry about your friend but I also feel once you get the tattoo it would be healthy to move on with life and not dwell much further otherwise you'll never realise your own life dreams and goals.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I don't think it's disrespectful at all.
I had a traumatic experience and there were a few of my friends that went above and beyond and they literally saved me.

I had a small symbol for friendship tattooed on me to represent them all.
Would a symbol be better than a name?

Every single night I cry for her. I feel I lost a piece of myself when we lost her. I miss her smile and her laugh, and her childlike obsession with all things pink and unicorns and glitter.

A tattoo won't help with that. And those of us with less reliable emotions sometimes have to be more careful than most when strong emotions come onto the table, and then stay there.

Grief is the hardest, slipperiest, stickiest emotional load I have encountered so far in life. To the point where it is frightening that a normal sized human is expected to fit such a monstrously proportioned, heaving mass of tangled feelings inside of them.

It's a perfectly normal response to look for relatively non-onerous ways to cope with that. But the non-onerous and less off-putting ways only work for the shortest of timelines.

I know how hard it is to access help. Emotionally and logistically, cos help is often at the end of a very long, closely guarded waiting list. But the sooner you seek it, the more likely it will be available to you if further on you have a realisation that you need more support than lay people can offer to work through the enduring pain of loss.

That's part of how we keep on fighting, by anticipating the battle turning against us and laying out access to our defensive measures in advance of pressing need.

I'm so sorry your friend died sweetie.

I'm so sorry that your friend died. Please do keep fighting for her but also because you deserve it. It's wonderful that she was able to help you when you were struggling. I don't think you're making it all about you, but I'd make sure I was really sure about the choice of tattoo.

Sorry but not to the tattoo. Stay strong though.