OK, Let me tell you a long and convoluted story. I would like to know your opinion as to whether I am in the wrong or of any of the parties are unreasonable. I would just like your thoughts really:
I have a mum and step dad and a half sister. I just call them mum, dad and sister.
I am in my thirties and so is my sister. She is much closer to them because she lived at home until she was 30, I moved out when I was 17. She is the favourite of my dad for reasons that she is his actual daughter.
He used to be ok with me until I became a teenager. I found him to be unnecessarily strict and controlling. This caused friction and arguments much like any parent teenager scenario. However, since then he can't get past the fact that I was a 'nightmare child' and basically he's not forgiven me since.
He had a nasty temper and outrageous mood swings that last for days, and so my mum and sister fall in line with his opinions I think primarily out of fear of them being in the firing line, and also a kind of brainwashing over the years.
He hates me. He makes no disguise of it and I am very unwelcome in their family home. He will not acknowledge my hellos or answer my q's and he will be very dismissive of me.
He has isolated my mum from her friends and family and I feel that I am the last piece of the puzzle he needs to get rid of.
I don't know if you've ever been in someone's home when you are not welcome but it is very unpleasant and it causes me a lot of anxiety and at times, panic attacks in the build up to it. So I go around less.
I love seeing my mum when it's just her but she's different when my dad and sister are there; she's a bit nastier to me to gain their approval.
He always stirs things up by saying i don't go around enough, but the truth of the matter is I hate going because it has started making me feel sick to my stomach with worry because he shouts at me and he is terrifying, he says very hurtful things.
I have a full time job as a primary teacher and so I don't have loads of spare time but I make time to go around once or twice a week.
I can tell my mum is sad that I go round out of duty, but he's so controlling he doesn't really let her out to see me.
She has an illness that is getting progressively worse with age and her independence will be compromised because of it.
They say that I am selfish but I have a life and job and marriage of my own and my sister lives alone so she has a lot of time to spend with them. She goes round to do their laundry etc but she lived there until recently: I think it would be strange if I went round to a house I haven't lived at for over 20 years and started doing their housework? Offensive even. But my sister lords it over me. She works a lot less hours than me.
I have had therapy and am on tablets to deal with the anxiety of it all, God I sound pathetic.
I want to start a family of my own and I don't want to have to be worrying about this nastiness all of my life :(
To put into context how nasty he is, my mum prepares food using a ruler to make sure it's the right size so he doesn't flip his lid.
I am genuinely scared of him but she has made a choice to stay with him.
What should I do? Should I go round more and take a higher dose of anxiety meds? I worry the whole time I'm not there because I know they're talking about me in a pejorative sense :-(