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AIBU?

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Original poster

Holiday drama

39 replies

abc987 · 29/09/2018 16:17

We are organising a large family holiday - with my Husbands three siblings and his parents. There will be 9 adults and 11 children in total. We have agreed to book a large villa and all split paying for DHs parents so we have suggested we split the rest four way by sibling.

However DHs sister believes this to be unfair as she is just one adult - but she has 3 children. Everyone else is fine with this arrangement as the family sizes go from 3 to 6 anyway.

Is this unfair my DH worked it out and it would cost her more if we were to pay per head however she thinks children usually go on holiday for free...

OP posts:
rookiemere · 29/09/2018 16:21

I would split by number of bedrooms

PhilomenaButterfly · 29/09/2018 16:23

Children do not go on holiday for free.

WrongKindOfFace · 29/09/2018 16:23

By bedroom used seems fair.

But 20 of you in one house? And the arguments have already started? Run, run like the wind.

TakeAChanseyOnMe · 29/09/2018 16:26

Split by bedroom.

Then find a nice villa next door for you and DH to stay in!

Ragwort · 29/09/2018 16:26

This will be the least of your problems, have you really thought through how all the other costs will be shared, every bottle of wine etc. And how the rooms will be shared out?

Awrite · 29/09/2018 16:27

It's going to be complicated whichever way you do it.

My widowed sil used to come on the occasional holiday with us when kids were younger. We counted adults as one and children as halves as cousins shared bedrooms.

Would that work?

Original poster
abc987 · 29/09/2018 16:28

The temptation to run is there, however I get on with everyone bar this sister...

In regards to by bedroom I've just quickly worked it out and it would be about the same for her for two bedrooms, less for me and more for one of the other siblings so can only assume the suggestion wouldn't go down well. Also don't want to be seen to not be paying our way.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/09/2018 16:30

Per bedroom is the only fair way to split it really.

Although with bickering at the booking point I think I would be finding an alternative where everyone has their own space

Original poster
abc987 · 29/09/2018 16:31

Each room fits two people, with the exception of one that fits three which will be for the kids so all couples and SIL in there own rooms and the 11 cousins in the remaining 5 rooms...

As for wine maybe just bottles for one, me...Halo

OP posts:
TakeAChanseyOnMe · 29/09/2018 16:35

I remember a thread like this before and one poster had a complex but good calculation of how to split all costs including food. It varied with appetite and alcohol consumption. Can’t remember what the thread was to find it!

charlestonchaplin · 29/09/2018 16:51

Children (usually a limited number) go free only when their parents are paying. It's just a marketing thing. There's no such thing as a free lunch!

Bearbehind · 29/09/2018 16:55

This kind of thing is impossible to split fairly whatever you do.

Even if you do it b person or by room there will always be someone who has the big room / room with the view and others in the crappy box rooms.

The fairest option is just split it 4 ways and get on with it.

spanishwife · 29/09/2018 16:58

Why not just suggest in a group chat or environment the many different ways of paying and let others weigh in.. present the options in a neutral way and then let her see for herself that she's got the best deal.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 29/09/2018 17:02

If she is a single parent with 3 children and presumably one income, is it possible that it is too expensive for her?

The fairest way is per person per night, including children (except babies).
So divide by 18 and multiply by holiday-goers
Ditto food but separate bill

myron · 29/09/2018 17:04

Definitely split by room and share the cost of the parents by the 4 siblings which most probably means splitting by 4 anyway. If she can't afford it, a conversation to what her budget is and rent a cheaper rental maybe otherwise there will be resentment all round.

This is a major hassle if some people expect to be effectively subsidised. Another factor why I hate holidays en mass, especially under the same roof with different, contrasting expectations.

Jessbow · 29/09/2018 17:07

If she is sure that children go free, show her the normal small print.

1 child often goes free with a paying adult.

So one of hers goes free
Each couple get two for free

( its a broad as its long, she might then shut up)

EdisonLightBulb · 29/09/2018 17:08

I would go on holiday with them all but have separate accommodation

I couldn't cope with the drama. I would also hire a separate car.

I think I have been on too many group and family holiday 😂.

starzig · 29/09/2018 17:09

One 'household' = 1 share of the bill IMO.

Dollymixture22 · 29/09/2018 17:13

I could understand if she had no children - but with three children she will be using at least two bedrooms.

There are ten bedrooms and four paying families. I think splitting it four ways is the most straightforward.

Sirzy · 29/09/2018 17:18

How would that be fair star. If me and ds (one household) went away with my sister, her husband and her 3 children then an equal split wouldn’t really work would it?

mummymeister · 29/09/2018 17:25

As someone else upthread has already pointed out if you are arguing now about the splitting of the cost of the villa just imagine the bistronomics when it comes to paying for meals out, food in etc. She is going to pull the "kids don't pay/count" stunt on all of these as well and you are going to end up subsidising her and not having a very good time. you could easily book into a villa complex where you are all next to each other but have your own separate villas so that in effect only 1 meal a day needs to be shared.

these sorts of holidays look great in theory but are inevitably shit in practice. get one person from each of the families around the table and be clear and agree on the villa split and also all the food etc costs. there are loads of threads on MN where this has gone horribly wrong and has been miserable for everyone. don't join that club.

Dollymixture22 · 29/09/2018 17:27

Sister has three children. There are ten bedrooms, sister is taking at least two. Assume the villa is being rented without meals etc how would it be fair if she only paid an eigh?

I assume when you go away if you are renting a villa with your supister you and your son share a room and the other family take two rooms? In that scenario it would be fair to pay a third of the rental.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 29/09/2018 17:32

I think a bit of frank discussion about affordability and expectations prob needs to happen. Is she skint or is she tight?

I'm guessing the whole thing hinges also on you all going, so if there is a significant difference in household income there are circs in which it would be "fairer" for an unequal kind of split.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 29/09/2018 17:33

we usually do per person (aged over 2) per night

ittakes2 · 29/09/2018 17:39

I'm sorry but if there are already arguments I agree with others this is not a good idea. We did exactly the same - parents with 3 adults daughters and their partners and children. We didn't even pay for the airfares or villa - my dad did for his 70th. But living under one roof for 10 days caused rifts in the family which have not healed 2 years later! If you sister'n'law thinks children should be free than she is going to be a nightmare on holiday. Bale now is my suggestion. Go to a family friendly hotel!

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