To think DD has sensory issues and to ask for your experiences with this?

[lozengeoflove]

Four year old DD struggles with certain clothes which “tickle” her or feel uncomfortable - anything with seams basically: underwear, tights, leggings, certain sleeves and collars. She only wants to wear dresses and EVERY day is a struggle, getting her to dress herself (even when I try to help).

She’s started reception after a year at the school nursery, is happy, bright, but very reserved and prefers to play with one or two children, other than a bigger group.

Some other info, no idea if it’s relevant: she always has to win, struggles unless she gets her own way (not in a spoilt way), loves what she loves and is reluctant to try new things. She struggles to express how she feels sometimes and cries if someone looks at her sideways. She’s also very funny, clever, loving, kind and loved by us all.

I’m worried that she might have some sensory issues and really don’t know where to go with this. I’d love to hear your experiences, either personal or your children’s. Where do I go from here?

How does she cope with transitions?

Hi OP, this sounds like a typical 4 year old to me. Is there anything else that makes you think she has sensory issues?

Getting a sensory assessment is difficult via the nhs because many don't have sensory processing disorder qualified OTs.

If you have the money a private assessment is worth it as sensory difficulties can be large of a cycle that's hard to break.

Sensory difficulties cause anxiety and problems with social activities and in turn feeling in the outside increases your lack of tolerance to your sensory difficulties.

We all experience difficulties with sensory stuff to some degree but when it's overtaking your life or affecting your ability to function it needs investigation.

There's lots of activities you can do to manage it dependent on what sense or senses are underdeveloped. Which is why you need assessment to discover what they are.

I think the school would be able to tell you if her sensory issues are above what you would expect. She sounds like a four year if you know what I mean? A real give away would be repetitive sensory play - like playing with something over and over again and not moving on without a meltdown. Not coping with transitions or changes are indicators too.

The clothes thing could be red herring my youngest is really fussy about clothes not feeling right and she is NT. My oldest dd has sensory issues. As a baby she would cry as we walked up the stairs after dinner because she knew that she was going in the bath and hated water. When she was 4 she wouldn't touch a sand pit and would refuse to put bare feet on a sandy beach, she wouldn't touch or eat anything slimy like melon, and still at 16 is uncomfortable with physical contact, covers her ears at loud noises and struggles to eat anything sloppy like soup or stew or mash potato. Of course every child is different, but I wanted to give you some examples of how sensory issues can look.

DD 11 has sensory issues but has never been diagnosed. She's growing out of them.

My nearly 4 year old won't even drink out of anything other then a certain bottle (when the last one broke and we couldn't get this one we had to syringe drink into him for 2 days ) nursery have tried and failed as well! we now have 5 in the cupboard!Will only drink blackcurrant coloured drinks.
He hates hair cuts,baths/showers,suncreams, and OT won't see him because he doesn't have any other issues.
It impacts his life so much, we have pretty much tried everything to help with little improvement.
There is little help unfortunately, I think most people have some sort of sensory issues but I do think if it impacts on life a lot then there should be more help.
I would talk to your dd school to see if they have any support they can offer (most will have a support worker for families to talk to often giving children one to one to help with a range of things.

M&S does a sensory uniform range online.

My dd5 has asd and had the same sensory issues your dd had. She seems to have grown out of a lot of them but can still have issues with certain clothing. Marks and Spencer’s do some clothes that she will wear and you can get seamless socks and tights online can’t remember the site I ordered them from though.

sounds like a very typical 4 year old to me.
Why do so many people feel the need to have labels for perfectly normal behaviour?

I think mataman also has a label free school uniform range.

Thank you so much for your replies. I definitely struggle with that line of what is normal four year old behaviour and when it becomes sensory issues.

Absolutely do agree about unnecessary labelling, but what if there is something and I’m missing it? We’ve had lots of big tantrums over the weekend, mainly involving tights and shoes this time. It’s the inconsistency that I can’t quite get. Sometimes certain clothes are ok, at other times she’s ready to rip them off as quickly as possible.

My son (nearly four) does this. He hates being in trousers that aren’t ‘soft’ - because he feels they restrict his movement when he’s playing his trains on floor. He’s right! Only way I’ve found to reduce tantrums is to put out a choice of clothes that I’d be happy for him to wear - let him take time and show him how to dress. We’ve also agreed that if he starts kicking off into a meltdown I won’t hold him physically as it makes it worse - he feels forced

My dd was like this as soon as she was able to vocalise regarding clothes. Wouldn't wear anything with long sleeves, hated wearing socks. Didn't like the feel of anything tight on her waits.

From the age of about 2 to 4/5 she lived in hareem pants and baggy t-shirts. It was a nightmare.

She did grow out of it, but will not wear jeans. Still won't wear tights. Pretty much lives in very soft leggings, but she is old enough to choose her own clothes now (9).

Ds 4 has sensory issues but not formally diagnosed. He has nust started reception and we can't get him into uniform - he wears the same t shirt and shorts every day that we wash at night. He has all the m&s autism uniform but he hates the feelibg of different clothes. Every morning could be a battle but we play games and give him a huge hug when dressed as the pressure seems to help. Also the beach is a nightmare with noise, heat and sand although he is getting a little better. It is very hard but he understands enough that we won't force him to do things but we can adapt so he doesn't miss out if he will try.

You need to decide if you want her assessed for Autism or for sensory issues. Sensory issues though is normally part of autism or dyspraxia.

If it’s impacting on her daily life then it’s not normal 4 year old behaviour.

I’d probably start with a private OT assessment because they’re not too expensive. They can tell you if they think she has dyspraxia, autism, SPD or nothing. (Not they can dx autism, but they can have a frank conversation with you)

My dd is now 11 and was just like this- I used to have to buy tights without toe seams, unpick labels, she was fussy over food textures, obsessive about what is happening when, walked on her tip toes- google worried me!
But as she’s got older she’s become more tolerant of these things. She’s bright, funny, popular and very organised.

I think if I pushed for a diagnosis they may have found a label but as it doesn’t affect her friendships or education I felt it unnecessary. So eventually I just accepted that certain things were important to her and made small changes so that she didn’t have to make a fuss herself- seamless tights revolutionised mornings 😂! We take forever in Clark’s finding the pair of shoes that is just right and then I use a hair dryer on the heel and plummel the leather by hand to soften them before she wears them.

Nothing you have said rings alarm bells to me, just little quirks you can address without making a big deal of.

My dd loves things to smell nice and one of her favourite bday presents was soap!

@positivevibez my dd has only started wearing jeans in the last year!

Sensory issues are on a spectrum- we all have them to some level - it's just how they impact your life.

Our 9 year old has sensory processing disorder and uniform was a nightmare. His bug bear is socks - you would think we were putting hot coals on his feet. But it can work both ways - a sense may be hypersensitive or undersensitive.

Other things to look for are dislike to the point of distress of loud noises or loving loud noise and always needing to sing/hum to avoid silence.

Being an incredably fussy eater or asking for food a lot when bored or stressed.

Being sensitive to touching things or needing to touch everything.

What you describe could be normal 4 year old behaviour Or could be a sign of something else.

I would wait and see and just keep an eye out for other signs and speak to the school once they have had some time to get to know her.

Our child ultimately just found school too overwhelming- too much visual and touch stimulation. But he also struggled with being quiet as his hearing is undersensitive.

Just at the other side of the issue... DD2 does have sensory issues as part of her diagnosis for other stuff (not "labelling" for the intolerant fucknuggets)... she wouldn't even feel "wrong" if she'd put her t-shirt on as a pair of trousers because hers are all under-sensitivity and sensory seeking issues.

First thing that was the indicator for her was about age 3 when nursery commented that she didn't react to having water warm enough that she probably should have noticed (obviously they have safety devices on the taps so not to the point of being a hazard) the temperature... and then more and more bits clicked into place from there as the years went on. She's massively under-set where touch and movement sensory systems come into it.

No point pushing it as a diagnosis as there's fuck all they'll do unless it's coming in alongside other issues - but I just thought I'd mention the under-sensitivity side of things as it tends to get forgotten.

“Intolerant fucknuggets”

Marvellous, thank you. My point is if it is not impacting friendships and education, there would be no benefit of seeking a diagnosis because there is no need for medical support or intervention at school therefore a diagnosis would only provide a label.

Definitely no ignorance here.

But if DD had a diagnosis, she wouldn't have just not eaten on fish and chip Friday, because she'd have been allowed to take a packed lunch.

I don't think what you've described is typical, as a pp has suggested. And labels are helpful if you can understand something more and then work on changing behaviours. My older dd has sensory issues and it absolutely presented in the same way that you're describing. She is very sensitive and prone to anxieties. Some things are grown out of and some become masked or better managed. I would read up on sensory stuff and trust your gut - you know your child better than anyone. In our case we tried to get some input for our daughter but the process of doing that caused her so much distress that we ended up seeing the psych on our own to get some strategies in place. Keep an open mind and as your daughter gets older she will be able to tell you more things herself.

Thanks again everyone, really helpful to hear of your experiences. As PPs have mentioned there are also anxiety issues, but these seem to not be as big as they used to be. Leaving her at nursery was awful, she’d sob and wouldn’t let go. I was worried about transition to reception, but she seems to love it so far and goes in happily.

She’s quite astute and has had some trauma - but fall at nursery last year, that resulted in a facial injury. Still has quite a deep scar. Has had to have an MRI scan and we found out that she has nystagmus, and is also long sighted. PP mentioned dyspraxia. I thought so too, but the nystagmus diagnosis clarified the clumsiness. She’s under Moorfields care.