To not want to go on holiday?

[inabox]

DH family have done a big family holiday for the last couple of years. DH parents pay for a villa and all kids / partners / grandkids ALL go along.

Thing is, I don't really enjoy it! I get along ok with DHs family but not sure they like me that much. But mainly I just find a holiday with a big group and all the kids etc. really stressful and I just feel a bit uncomfortable / annoyed / stressed the whole time!

DH enjoys it and DC. So I guess I just need to suck it up? Just hate feeling forced into something I don't really want to do!

How old are the DC? Maybe when they're old enough you could find an excuse to duck out but if they're young DH probably needs the help. I would just concentrate on trying to make the best of it. Can you have some just immediate family time mixed in? Are there nearby non kid friendly attractions (art gallery? long hike?) that you could do alone to give yourself some peace?

Can't just DH and the kids go?

My DH's family did this this year and we didn't go because I felt exactly the same as you. It's just too many people, too many kids and too many personalities. I'm very glad we didn't in the end because a lot of them fell out.

I wouldn't stay at home while DH went though (not sure if that's what you are suggesting). For us it was everybody or nobody.

We've done this for years but originally it was agreed that couples could have free time if they wanted, as everyone was aware that it is harder for the non blood family members. As it happened nobody ever bothered to take up that option.
Can you compromise and agree that you get nights off to do your own thing and maybe days out with just your own little family?

We have this too... I find it so hard because I don’t get a minute to myself to breathe. Not even in the car because we all pile in together. I find it so exhausting. I tried suggesting we have some time off on our own but pil got offended in the end I faked a headache so I could stay in bed for a while

No advice, sorry but I just wanted to say thank you for this thread.
I've been feeling sad seeing all the photos over the summer of friends having fun together on their big family holidays. It's not an option for us as it's just DH, DS and I unless we felt really sadistic and wanted to include the evil MIL.

It's refreshing to realise that the photos probably don't show the real tensions that exist in these extended family situations, maybe we should think ourselves lucky!

I actually find holidays away from that don't have a purpose, such as to see family, really boring. My OH needs getaways in order to relax but I find day trips and pottering at home much more relaxing. Home has all my hobbies! We have a lovely cottage booked for 2 weeks in October. I'm dreading it!

Lord the Instagram photos of my DH's families holiday this year looked amazing. Most of them haven't spoken since. Don't believe what you see!

We are just back from a cheapie caravan holiday in the UK, just the four of us. Not glamorous by any means, but we had a great time.

Do you have a separate holiday for just your immediate family group? Or is this the only one?

Would you be happy for your DH and DC to still go, and you stay home? That's an option if you really don't enjoy it.

We have done one family holiday with PILs, BIL/SIL and their DC. Went well. Was abroad, and though we spent most times together we did have time apart too. We also ensured we had a large villa where everyone had a decent sized room of their own, and plenty of seating areas for all. Plus we had ample vehicles so not tied together, and walking distances to places again so people could do their own thing occasionally. We didn't do much separately but did do the odd thing apart. We are doing another this year, in the UK - and have similar plans.

We've managed to stay out of these arrangements! My OH has a large family and many of them go away together - but there are often big fallings out and X not speaking to Y etc. We'd far rather go on holiday with us 2 and our 2 DS - simpler and we can do whatever we all choose.

I would;t be happy to do it as my only holiday though.
We do enjoy the odd holiday with family or friends, most years. But we always have at least one holiday away just as our immediate family group. That holiday is priority.

Or go but do your own thing during the day, only meet up at night?

Are you sure your DH enjoys it and he isn't going along with it because he thinks you enjoy it? I ask because we, DH and I, used to go on vacations with friends. I bloody hated it but kept schtum about how bored and frustrated I felt the whole time because I thought DH liked it.

The last time we did it, I had a bit of a run in with the DH of the other couple, something and nothing and outwardly smoothed over quickly but I was still pissed off about it the next day when DH and I were driving home so was a bit quiet.

DH asked me what was up and I just blurted out 'I'm sorry you'll have to come without me next year. I can't do it any more, I'm going to really fall out with them if I do." Turned out he hadn't really been enjoying these trips any more than I had but had been going to keep me happy!

Don't go then!

I would feel exactly the same, thank god my DH is too lazy to organise or participate in anything like this. He and his brothers are talking about an extended family camping vacation later in the year. I agreed whole heartedly knowing it will never get off the ground.

Not sure what you can do though. Suggest it be cut back to once every two years?

I feel your pain. My DHs family do this , the kids love it though and cry when we have to come home so I kind of have to suck it up.

They spend all day in each other’s pockets too, so 20 people to get out the door and drive off to sit in a cafe at some beauty spot. Drives me bonkers!!

Last time I brought Xanax!! It helped!

Why should the husband and children miss out because the wife doesn't want to go? She can stay behind if it's that much of an issue for her. Some people are never happy.

I think you’re being mean and unfair. If you hate it don’t go but don’t stop your children (who enjoy it) making these wonderful childhood memories with their extended family. And your DH.
So yes I’d say either seat at home, or f you insist on spending all holidays together, suck it up, if only for your kids

Thanks @mistermagpie

Thanks for the replies. DC are still very young so I wouldn't want them to go without me plus I'm not sure DH would go!

I'll go, like some of you have said, it would be selfish not to when the kids / DH like it. I think there would be some drama if I didn't go as well so can't really be bothered with that.

Meant to say not sure DH would cope!

Can you make it bearable by booking a spa treatment nearby for just you, or for planning days out or activities for just you and dh and dc?

You don't sound very tolerant. Surely there must be some fun to be had, some nice chats, just stop hating everyone. They can't all be bad

I think you should think about what makes it stressful. Is it the noise? Is it certain people or things that happen? Is it the logistics of that many people? Etc

Once you pin point the things that make it stressful you can look at ways to counter that and alleviate the stress.