Help me keep my step fill away from my children forever
ohshitonit · 29/09/2018 09:11
Long back story, but I'll try and keep it simple.
When I was a teenager (17/18) my step fil sexually assaulted me. At the time me and my husband (then just my bf) were bullied into keeping it quiet and because he was intoxicated nobody in his family except my husband believed me. I don't know why we didn't take it further at the time but we had pretty shit times with both our families so I think our idea of normal was a bit off.
Anyway..things are OK with my mil. I don't know whether she really didn't believe me or what, but it all got brushed under the carpet. After Having kids I decided to protect them from my step fil and we went NC with him.
Overall my Mil is nice, she's a bit selfish but we get on fine.
Very soon I'm having an operation, im a bit worried in case I die (OTT I know), if I did die I know my husband would still keep his step dad away from the kids, but... This is a bit daft but what if my husband died years later? I know my mil would allow him to have contact with my kids. The plan if me and my husband die is for my mum to have our children but I'm guessing my mil would be allowed to have them sometimes??
I'm so worried about him ever having any contact with them, I hate him so much.
I was wondering if there's a way I can tell the police about what he did so they can log it but I don't want anything doing about it..
Help :( I'm confused and stressed.
And before anyone suggests it I Don't want to go NC with my mil, even though she was a dick back then, she's the only parent my husband has left.
Abitlost2015 · 29/09/2018 09:26
OP, you are already aware you are catastrophising but it is understandable this situation has raised your anxiety about a trauma that did not fully get resolved.
Would talking to a solicitor be helpful to draw a will where you include preferences for who your children have contact with?
What about talking to a charity for survivors of sexual abuse?
ohshitonit · 29/09/2018 09:37
Ohhh I didn't know that kind of stuff went into a will. Yes that's a really good idea actually, I will sort that out on Monday.
I don't really feel like I've been through enough to require any sort of support :( it was quite a serious sexual assault but only the once and I'm OK I think. I just want to maintain control over the situation.
Thanks so much for replying, my anxiety has peaked a bit as I'm sure you've noticed!
BarbarianMum · 29/09/2018 10:35
Does your mum know about the assault? Did she believe you? If she did and does, I would write her a letter, to go with your will, saying no contact with FiL and reminding her why.
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/09/2018 10:44
I'm so sorry OP. It's understandable why you're so worried.
Your solicitor can draw you up a letter of wishes, in it you can clearly state in the event of both you and your DH's deaths that you don't want your step FIL to have any contact with your children and why.
For your own peace of mind please make an appointment ASAP and talk this through with your solicitor, hopefully this will give you some control and comfort.
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