Baby name secret

[MumToBe2018x]

What’s everyone’s views on this subject?

Due to family having a strong opinion or wanting to have their own names included in our Daughter’s name, me & my husband decided that we wouldn’t tell anyone until she was born to avoid this. Would you be upset if your Husband went and told them anyways after weeks of you refusing to say or even to discuss the name after constantly being asked. Would you feel undermined?

I never thought I would want to keep the name to myself but due to the stress of opinions, it was easier.

I’ve also been really upset over this, although he can’t see what he’s done wrong and said that they think he is joking anyways. They thought he was joking at first yes but then he repeatedly kept saying it and then asked me if he was telling the truth. I felt really awkward and totally stupid. I do feel undermined and that it’s me vs them.

Op I would be blunt with them and just say you aren’t discussing it any more. It’s your baby and they don’t get a say in this. Dh’s family are badgering us to know what name we will pick. We either say we haven’t decided yet or just say we aren’t discussing names with anyone. They are mildly pissed off but who cares? They were like this with our first and we stuck to our guns and just announced his name when he was born.

Keep it to yourselves. There's always someone who puts you off your favourite name.

If you decide to use a family name as a second, then it's a lovely surprise, if you don't, well it's tough.

Congratulations on your baby, exciting times ahead!!

@Uncreative and @Sciurus83 - I know she was totally bonkers so it didn't surprise me that much but it did really get me down as we'd spent sooooo much time and effort trying to get a successful pregnancy so when our baby arrived we were in shock! So amazingly happy but she marred it to be honest - my brother stepped in too and told mum she was really out of order but she didn't see it! When DS was born 3.5 years later he had a more 'normal' and when she found out his name she said 'I approve of that name!' Priceless!
Anyway she died when DS was 3 months old - my life has become a whole lot less complicated! I miss her but not the craziness!

Can I, as an oldie here, ask why people involve their extended family in the minutiae of their lives? They get told a child's name, they don't get asked for their opinions, if they give them negatively then they're ignored. A lot of unhappiness that is felt could be eliminated if others were simply ignored when they butt in rather than trying to placate them.
For one of our grandchildren there was an Oh moment but that was because of other factors, we would never have dreamed of arguing about it, it was none of our business.

Why do some people think that choosing a baby's name is a matter for the democratic vote and that all (or at least a majority) of the family have to agree? Even if 60 members of the family categorically hate a name, but the two parents like it and have chosen it, they have 100% of the vote between them.

How would these people react if you started telling them that the extended family had got together to discuss it and decided that nobody liked their clothes or furniture or home decor etc and demanded that they change what THEY wear or how THEY have THEIR house to suit the preferences of a lot of people who don't live there? What if an older family member said that they really wanted a specific song at their funeral, that meant a great deal to them, and you just said "Oh, no, I don't like that - I'll choose my own favourites instead, thanks?

IF the parents choose to honour a family member by naming their child after them, that's great. Also, if they actively ask for opinions and suggestions, fine, go ahead. If they want to choose something that is very likely to make things especially awkward for the child - e.g. Adolf, Gaylord or Avishag - or if the initials will spell something very unfortunate, by all means point it out to them - but if they say thankyou and still choose it, you graciously accept it and step back.

If they are so dead set on naming a baby, that's fine: all they have to do is have/father a baby themselves and then they can. Or, failing that, get a dog or cat.

My MIL was so critical of my favourite names at the beginning of my first pregnancy that we decided that we weren't going to tell anybody when we finally settled on a name.

Once the baby is born and named, there's nothing they can do. Didn't stop my MIL from insulting my baby's name, but at that point it doesn't matter.

I'd be livid at your husband though. He went behind your back. I get that he's excited and probably got swept away in his families bulldozing ways, but that's no excuse.

I'd refuse to broach the subject anymore with your DH and his family. Name the baby what you want, regardless.