Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another mean exH tale!

19 replies

Twillow · 28/09/2018 20:56

He has form for this but this one is a new level! There is a school trip which is above my budget. Usually it's not worth asking for anything as "I give your mum money for you blah blah" so, foolishly, I do.
Child returns with message that he will pay half of trip if I change our arrangement to 50:50 so that he doesn't have to give me money. This verbatim from child!
Never mind, I'll use my savings...

OP posts:
user139328237 · 28/09/2018 21:04

If he pays the CMS minimum you can't expect anymore. To be honest he has made it clear that he isn't interested in paying anymore so you need to stop asking.

pigeondujour · 28/09/2018 21:06

What an absolute prick, OP. Poor you and poor kid.

If he pays the CMS minimum you can't expect anymore. To be honest he has made it clear that he isn't interested in paying anymore so you need to stop asking.

Eurgh

bastardkitty · 28/09/2018 21:08

Oh that's lovely user. Have you thought about a career as a therapist? Hmm

What a twat OP. What a horrible thing to say to your child.

Feefeetrixabelle · 28/09/2018 21:10

Cms minimum is exactly that. The minimum the government deems is spare from the non residents parents income. Raising your children isn’t a race to the bottom and non resident parents should be applauded for paying over the minimum. I would not be interested in dating a man paying the minimum. He should be going without not his children.

HeckyPeck · 28/09/2018 21:13

It is shit. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to change though OP so I wouldn’t put your kids in the middle by getting them to ask. I’ve been that kid and it’s really horrible having to ferry around messages and ask for money.

Disquieted1 · 28/09/2018 21:16

Waste of time asking him. Every time you do you take a small amount of the power you have and give it to him.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 28/09/2018 21:16

If he pays the CMS minimum you can't expect anymore. To be honest he has made it clear that he isn't interested in paying anymore so you need to stop asking

Yes, yes she can. She can absolutely expect her ex to take responsibility for 50% of the cost and 50% of time off work and 50% of ferrying to appointments and everything else involved in bringing up a child. But hey ho, let her do all the work and he’ll deign to let the Government take money direct from his wages each month.

And the legal minimum can be £7. How is that reasonable?

Original poster
Twillow · 28/09/2018 21:20

Definitely lesson learned. Again.
Although in my understanding CMS is to equalise the child's 'lifestyle' for want of a better word at both houses. rather than to ensure that the receiving parent is responsible for every financial need of the child. For example the child does a club on one of his night, which I pay for, which doesn't seem right to me. Child eats school meals on his days - I pay for them etc.

OP posts:
HolesinTheSoles · 28/09/2018 21:22

If he pays the CMS minimum you can't expect anymore.

To be fair you could if he was a decent dad who was willing to sacrifice his own lifestyle for his child's (as I'm sure OP does).

Original poster
Twillow · 28/09/2018 21:23

@ohreallyohreallyoh yes but he doesn't see it as a responsibility, he just sees the payment as an injustice. Hurt pride and all.

OP posts:
foodiefil · 28/09/2018 21:25

The stupid arsehole thinks YOU are benefitting this not your child. The child is the one who could suffer.

He's an arse wipe. Hope your kids know which parent was really there for them!!!!

ivegotthisyeah · 28/09/2018 21:28

Twillow I am in exactly the same position i pay for everything even on his days as he gives me the legal requirement. He can't quite understand he earns 50k more than me a year ConfusedAngryand I struggle ( 3 kids)

Original poster
Twillow · 28/09/2018 21:29

@foodiefil oh yes the kids already see the hypocrisy of him wingeing about money while having the house redecorated and constantly buying takeaways. When they're over at his I'm selling their outgrown clothes on eBay so I can buy new ones for them and eating value beans on toast...

OP posts:
foodiefil · 28/09/2018 21:38

@Twillow 😢😢 what a dick. You are the real parent, he's a selfish prick

Original poster
Twillow · 28/09/2018 21:47

@foodiefil thank you Smile but actually I feel like a crappy parent, for making such a poor choice for their father

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 29/09/2018 08:51

Would it work if you take him up on his 50/50 offer, and refer the school back to him for any costs and generously offer to give 'your half' for anything once he has paid his....

Original poster
Twillow · 29/09/2018 12:52

@LemonSqueezy0 it really wouldn't!
A I don't want to see less of my child than I do now, I'd happily have them 100%
B He would then make a counter claim for child benefi (which he has already tried) and if successful I would lose my tax credits and then we'd really be on the breadline - think potentially homeless...
C He doesn't deserve to have children anyway having hit their mother and smashed up their toys and I consider to be still a potential risk to them

OP posts:
Powerbunting · 29/09/2018 13:02

If he pays the CMS minimum you can't expect anymore.

To be fair you could if he was a decent dad who was willing to sacrifice his own lifestyle for his child's (as I'm sure OP does).

Except that by being the type of dad who pays the minimum.... he has poven he is not a decent dad.

Op's update proves this further.

By asking she will never get but it will open up the wounds for him to hurt her again and again

HeckyPeck · 29/09/2018 16:24

By asking she will never get but it will open up the wounds for him to hurt her again and again

Yes and hurting the children by involving them as the go betweens.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread