To think that saying something nasty isn't nice even as a joke?

[Mummyinlove1987]

So my DH now works with his brother and DH has come home afew times and told me about some sarcastic comments he has made supposedly as a joke but which if they weren't wouldn't be very nice.This has irritated him, and me aswell, and being someone who thinks honesty is the best policy I want us to tell his brother we have had enough of it but he is reluctant as he feels it will make work difficult.We are supposed to be visiting them tomorrow but I am not going to be all nicey nicey when I have a problem with them as I don't think that's right...wwyd?

People who say horrible things and then say it’s a joke when they get a negative reaction are arseholes and trying to hide it. Your DH can either, ignore it, copy his DB or call him out each time until it stops. I wouldn’t be nice to BIL whilst he was being horrible.

I hate when people do this as it is a double insult, first the nasty 'joke' and then implying you don't have a sense of humour.

Maybe the classic 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

That sounds really unpleasant.

I'd call him out on it, and if he claims it's just banter I'd give him a Paddington Bear stare, and tell him that no, it's rude.

Bet He won't back down, but he might think twice next time?

Can you not just turn his comments back on him? See how he likes it?

I find people who make deliberately nasty comments veiled as a joke even worse than people who make them outright. It almost removes your right to reply or be annoyed because they're "just joking".

It depends on your relationship. I can say insulting things to certain friends and family and know they’d be taken as just a laugh. I would only ever do this when I was 100% confident it would be taken in the spirit it was intended. If I missed the mark and upset someone I’d be mortified because I would never be deliberately cruel. If you know it’s upsetting someone then it doesn’t matter if it was meant to be a joke you should apologise and stop doing it.

Thanks very much for the replies.My husband has now had a fall out with his brother to do with other issues (basically BIL trying to be a control freak) and has now decided to look for another job, so he won't have to put up with his the shitty attitude all the time either which will be good as it has been dragging him down