What would an appropriate conversation / punishment be if a 5 yr old...

[Ninjawannabee]

If a 5 yr old (closer to 6, no SEN) spilt a full glass of milk all over a table / floor due to being a bit careless and not noticing that by moving her arm she was going to topple it?

What would you do / say to him or her? And how would you expect him or her to react?

If it's relevant the situation was in a restaurant, not at home. Think harvester or slightly smarter

If it was a relatively rare thing, and an accident then no punishment obviously.

DD (5 but was 4 at the time) did go through a phase of spilling several drinks a day, because she wouldn't sit at the table properly or concentrate at all. We had to give her a sippy cup in the end, and told her she had to earn back her big girls cup by sitting nicely at the table, so more of a lesson than a punishment really.

Yeah I'd say "accidents happen" but expect child to help clean it up. I'd also advise about where to leave drink so it doesn't happen again. I'd be firm if child didn't then put drink in sensible place after being told!

But I've seen so many children learn that it's ok to have accidents and there's no expectation if rectifying it personally that leads to this careless attitude of it not mattering about being careful etc. And that if you break something of someone else's they should just suck it up as "it's an accident".

OP you obviously don’t like this family much, I wouldn’t discipline my child over spilling some milk by accident.

@thesearmsofmine that's more or less what did happen, so do you mind if I ask why you wouldn't talk to your child about it and remind them to be careful / get them to help you clear up. To me that's part of parenting, involving them in clearing up when they've made a mess. No telling off needed if they didn't do it deliberately, but I think to ignore the mistake and just solve it for them is letting them down in the longterm.

That's the point of my thread really, I wondered how many people see it my way and how many don't.

At home they would know where the cloth or kitchen roll is and would clean it up but in a restaurant they wouldn’t so I would take the lead, I would remind them to be careful but I wouldn’t call that discipline.

@thesearmsofmine (again!) I love the family very much, I just don't think they do a good job of disciplining their child and it makes me sad because she deserves better, and I think it will over time make her a bit of a spoilt beat, which isn't good news for anyone concerned

@youarenotkiddingme yes precisely, I completely agree with what you say.

It's all about shaping the children to be decent adults. I want all children, those I love, those I'm ambivalent to, and those I dislike to turn into decent civilised adults.

Fair enough @Thesearmsofmine, I see your point about home vs restaurant.

I'd say "next time we keep our glass right in front of us so we can see it and we take care". I probably wouldn't punish, you can't punish an accident but you can act a bit pissed off and maybe say "we ran out of time for dessert cos we were so busy mopping up".

I think this is a really small deal to be honest. Yes ideally they'd get the child to help clear up (and maybe they would at home - in a restaurant most of us would probably just wipe it up with minimum fuss).

It would depend on how frazzled I already was.

I spent my entire childhood being told to be careful and it didn’t make a bit of difference. I spill constantly, I try to do everything at once and usually it all goes wrong. When I’m out at someone’s house I can barely converse I am so busy trying not to spill the whole time. So if it were my kid I would just wipe it up and say whoops. I don’t want him to feel as crap as I did every time someone said to me to be careful after the spill had already happened

I was a terrible mother, I'd have said "Oh FFS!"

OP you are overthinking this very minor incident!

Every little error a child makes does not have to be a significant opportunity to teach them - sometimes stuff happens and you just deal with it because its easier.

I really think you are overthinking. Everyone spills drinks from time to time, and people are often embarrassed by this.

Just a thought though, that you cannot ever be sure a child you know doesn't have any SEN. My oldest child wasn't diagnosed with dyspraxia - which makes him very 'clumsy' - until he was nearly nine, and his autism not diagnosed until a year after that.

But maybe your reason for posting is that you generally feel they don't 'discipline' their child properly? They may well be much laxer than you will be but as your child is much younger you'll just have to keep quiet!

Ok, you just seem a bit smug now tbh. Leave other people alone unless they're hurting you

‘Oops, never mind, here’s some kitchen roll/a cloth to clear it up with.’