I am married with 2 kids, 10 and 7.
This morning my DH had a later start than usual and while I was tearing about the house getting the kids ready and myself ready for work he was in bed yawning. The bedroom was a tip and I asked if he could tidy up as I had only just done it 2 days earlier and it wasn't my mess. I also asked if he could lend a hand as he was around and maybe help with the breakfast, getting the kids out the door, instead of getting up, scratching his balls and getting into the shower, allowing everything else to go on around him which is what usually happens when he has a later start. I am sorry but I was a bit shouty as I get so tired of doing everything; even when he is here, I am still doing everything. It all just goes on around him and he is oblivious.
As I was about to leave the house with the kids, every second counting as it does at 8.30am, he said he'd come with us and went upstairs to get dressed. There was no time for this at this point and we'd all been up for an hour by then. He shouted at me back telling me I was out of order for being pissed off. We got out the door eventually.
The kicker is this. At the school gates, away from DH, my daughter who is sensitive, bright, observant, asked me why I was angry with Daddy and in simple terms I reiterated the above, that the division of labour is unfair.
And she says : Well I don't think it's fair you shout at him, after all he earns the money.
I work from home. In a home office. Every day. I run my own international business. Travel a lot. Have done for a decade. Was a director at a multinational when she was a baby. Never not worked. I was floored on two levels:
- That my daughter sees my husband's laziness as reasonable as he is the breadwinner
- That she sees my own career as meaningless
I explained calmly that I could go out and get myself another six figure job in London and have her brought up by nannies but I had chosen to work in a way that enabled me to care for her and her brother. That I also run a home. And of those 3 jobs, only one is paid, but that is my choice and together we run the family home as a unit.
AIBU to be so upset? What on earth has she seen in our home and externally to think that a husband has a right to treat his wife badly because he is the main earner...? What does this say about how she sees women in 2018? Have we not made any progress at all? She's 10 now so these views are on their way to being fully formed and I don't know where they have come from as I have always been determined to instil in her the independence of working and earning your own money, whatever form that takes.
I'm not perfect, I lost my rag today but so does everyone don't they? I am doing my best. Today I feel like I have failed as a wife and a mother and my career is irrelevant as I am a woman. Makes me wish I was a bloke on days like today.