To leave the living room a mess and leave the dirty dishes

[CuriousSoul]

I'm in bed, I'm tired and I've had a long day. DH has been at work all day, and now he's gone to the gym. He goes to the gym at least 5times a week.
Is it unfair that I've left it for him to do when he's back?
I have a 7month old and a 5 year old and just want a early night?
Aibu?

YADNBU. Going to the gym 5 days a week is a luxury. It doesn't get him out of doing housework (if anything he should be doing more to make up for leaving you alone all evening).

No, leave it and get your early night. Though my bet would be he'll leave it for you to do tomorrow anyway.

Not at all unfair. My DH would leave it so I’d still end up clearing up tomorrow. Hope yours is better!

I don't think you're being unreasonable

Cancel his gym membership and hire a cleaner with the money instead

Totally NBU. Enjoy your early night and tomorrow have a talk about the division of labour.

I have a 7month old and a 5 year old

YOU alone don't have 2 children you BOTH do and he needs to pull his weight. There is no way I'd have tolerated my DH fucking off to the gym at least 5 times a week unless I got the same amount of free time!

YANBU!! why does he find it necessary to go to the gym 5x a week? He should still be helping out at home!

F&ck it...go to bed. It’ll all be there in the morning....🤪

He 'tidied' some of the living room and washed the baby's bottles

He's tidied up a bit... god he needs to grow the hell up. He's a man with a family.

Op you really need to have a serious conversation with him about three things

1. Division of labour around the house which should be equal after work. And no, going gym is not an excuse
2. Free time for you equal to his free time
3. Time spent together as a couple. If he's out so much, aren't you lonely on your own?

I was lonely in my marriage and it killed our relationship and we are divorcing now.

I think he is using the gym as an excuse to opt out of family life. The resentment of you being responsible for everything will eventually kill your feelings for him.

The playwright and barrister John Mortimer married a rather chaotic and depressed woman with several children. They lived in a damp cottage in the Chilterns. One morning, confronted once more with a washing up bowl full of greasy unwashed dishes, she opened the kitchen windows wide and tipped the lot into the garden. I have always envied this magnificent gesture of despair.

It's not unfair.
I don't get the gym bashing here though. It's great he is keeping fit! Especially if he was already going before.

However. You should just have a chat with him and say that he should help you with these things. If you don't communicate this to him, he won't know, will he. So just have a sit down, talk and work a system and sharing out.

Lol @oftenhangry. There is nothing wrong with going gym unless you're doing it 5 times a week and it's eating into family time and you're leaving your partner to do all the chores on her own.

Even if someone went to the gym before children, things have to change after kids as priorities need to shift.

"If you don't communicate this to him, he won't know, will he." For God's sake he's a grown ass man who presumably holds down a job, managed to father 2 kids, yet needs to be told that he needs to do his share of the housework? Why wouldn't he know? Does he believe in the cleaning fairy?
And FYI, it's not "helping" to pull your weight at home.

my DH's attitude is that it'll just get messed up again tomorrow so he'll happily just leave it if I don't do anything about it