Past relationships

[Housingcraze]

My friend came to my for advice:

She told me her DP in informed her after a year of being together that she had sex with her lodger, who still living with her. Her DP wanted to be 100% truthful honest no secrets, as her DP feels she should been.

My friend is distraught and really uncomfortable and doesn’t think she can be around this, and feels she been taken for a mug. Also accused DP of not being gay but now bisexual though DP hasn’t been with men for 5/6 years. She struggling to deal with this. Feels she can’t deal with it and maybe end of relationship.

I feel she being unreasonable but won’t take any advice. Though understanding it is weird this guy is living with her he is a lodger though.

AIBU to say it’s in past she is over reacting.

Probably not great idea to shag your lodger, and then tell your girlfriend about it after you've been together for a year.

Very odd situation, I would find it weird that they still lived together if I was your friend. Depends on if it was a one night thing, friends with benefits, or casual relationship.

My understanding is it was 12 years this one night stand. And lodger been living there 3/4 years. So they friends. But u could be mistaken.

So your friend's DP has been living with a lodger (her friend) for 3 or 4 years, and 8 or 9 years before he moved in they had sex. And in the interests of "total honesty" your friend's DP decided to tell her partner, your friend, about this, one year into their relationship.

Your friend has now freaked out/overreacted, telling her partner that she (partner) is bi not gay (firstly, why does that matter? your friend sounds biphobic; secondly, it's up to the partner, not anybody else, to define her sexuality. PLENTY of gay women have had previous relationships with men -- doesn't make them not gay!) and your friend is also considering ending the relationship (for what reason? again, sounds like biphobia to me).

Is my understanding correct? Or do you mean your friend's partner recently had sex with this guy, at some point while she and your friend were already together?

I’m a bit confused here. Has the partner had sex with the lodger now? Or was it 12 years ago but the guy is now her lodger? If it’s the latter then I don’t think the partner is being unreasonable and it’s good that she was honest about it. I can understand your friend feeling uncomfortable but 12 years is a long time ago and if it was just a one night stand then personally it wouldn’t bother me.

Oh so it was 8 years ago they had sex? The DP wasn’t actually unfaithful. Um... I can see how it might be a bit awkward, but I don’t think I’d end a relationship over it. Is your friend prone to jealousy?

Sorry 12 years ago.

My friends partner had one night stand 12 years ago

Her partner is her lodger and only lived with her for 4/5 years so are friends nothing else!

Apparently the lodger has randomly put knickers in DP room nothing untoward going on! Probably dropped them from washing machine.

My friend worried she listens to them having sex or getting off on it!
Total imagination over load!