Am I being unreasonable

[Shelley18]

Am I being unreasonable to think my boyfriend will never get divorced.
We have been seeing each other for two years now. And my boyfriend wants to live with me and girls. But the problem I am having is he still hasn't divorced his wife. They have been separated and living apart for 8 years. They have no financial issues there child is 22 years of age. So I don't understand why they would want to remain married . I know they are very good friends still. Where he lends her money gives her lifts to places. But I'm having trouble getting my head round the fact I could potentially be living with someone else's husband and that just don't sit well in my head. Am I being unreasonable ?

It is not just a piece of paper, and I'm surprised As he either doesn't know the implications here or is comfortable with them.

If your boyfriend is in an accident or gets ill.. as his wife, she would be permitted into a hospital ward, make big decisions that only a next of kin can make, you wouldn't.

In financial terms they're probably still linked on credit reports.

If you build any assets with him, or he's on rental agreement in his name, or you have cash in his accounts and he's incapacitated, or dies, as terrible as it is, you're in a vulnerable position as she'd still be the default beneficiary of his assets and possessions.

You are mad to consider living in this limbo of his, for far more practical and critical implications than it being morally questionable.

If it's so minor to him then it's a minor thing to sort. I'd be saying get your Divorce then yes, we'll go to next stage which is living together. Are they still friends with benefits would be my first thought.

Maybe he doesn't have a spare £550 to do it?

Mabelface it would cost a lot more if he keeps over from a heart attack and it's the ex-wife making medical decisions on his behalf,no? Not all costs are quantifiable and I'd imagine 550 quid is a bargain to not be beholden to an ex in some very very important ways...

Keeps? Keels!

He's had more than enough money over the 8 Years they have been separated.

Take it from me, if he is not actively pursuing a divorce then there are some unresolved issues there, most likely some kind of attachment. My hopefully soon to be ex-husband, was exactly the same after our separation. He kept saying it was just a bit of paper and no big deal. It was a big deal to me as I simply wanted everything finalised and tidied away. It later transpired that he didn't want the divorce as he thought years down the line we may get back together. Never, ever going to happen and I'm finally after almost 4 years of seperation hopefully going to be divorced by the end of this year.

Press the issue or unfortunately, walk away and please think about the impact on your children should you move in with someone who is still attached, albeit in legal terms, to another person.

Finally, if he died tomorrow, his wife would be his next of kin.

Good luck.

Money doesn't factor into it, if she is on a reduced income, she can pursue the divorce herself via www.gov.uk/divorce and all of her legal fees are waived.

I'm just going to leave it now and not say nothing. But if he still hasn't done anything in the next 3 months then I'm gone. Then perhaps one day he might find himself a new partner whos willing to tolerate living with someone else's husband. And take on a 22 year old son who acts like a 5 year old .

Sounds like a plan, OP.

I would say it’s his loss more than yours.

Doesn’t make it any easier though

Look after yourself