To ask for help on how to deal with friendship rejection

[BeeBum]

I feel like this is an ongoing theme in my life and, yes, I do recognise that this is my issue and possibly my emotions around it are made worse with my anxiety issues (and my current spout of depression).

So, I make a group of friends and somehow each time there is always one or two people who, for an unknown reason to me, suddenly seem to develop a dislike to me which then results in me losing the whole group of friends.

Right now, with my antenatal group, I sense this is happening again. I’ve noticed there have been meet ups where I haven’t been invited and that one particular woman no longer respond to me in Group Chat and has removed me from her social medias. I've also been aware of a few snide comments that she has made towards me in person, when we did last meet up, and the last time she did respond to be via Groupchat it had been rather blunt. I’m unsure what I have done as recently only contact I have had with this group of friends has been via our group chat or social media (as I’ve been working full time, have had my own and DS’ health issues to deal with and a lot of DIY which they all are aware of) and having a glance back I can’t see anything obvious that would have upset anyone?

I know one option would just to be confront her, but I just can’t do confrontation which is why I always end up losing my friends like this. I suppose another option would be to ask someone else in the group if that person has an issue with me or if I have offended anyone but again, I do not want to be seen as the one stirring!

I’m meant to be going out for a ladies night out this weekend with them and then have the friend’s DD 1 year old birthday party to go to next weekend. Right now I’m getting myself worked up thinking I shouldn’t go as I don’t want them all to not actually want me there!

Is it a case of just accepting not everyone has to like me and just ignore her? Or can I somehow smooth things over with her without directly confronting?

Sorry to hear you're worrying about this.

If you don't feel able to ask her directly could you ask one of the group to meet up for coffee on a more one to one basis? Try and build up strong individual relationships rather than group.

It could be nothing and the person you think is going cold is just busy and it isn't intentional. If you're still invited then don't exclude yourself.

itsausername thank you so much for your reply.

You're right, I've been invited and so I shouldn't be excluding myself (probably where I go wrong in the past as I get so worked up).

There are 2 in the group I have always got on easier with, perhaps I'll invite them both over on the shared day off us 3 have now.

If it's happened before and seems to be a pattern could you contact someone from your past? Maybe on social media so they can choose to ignore? And just explain that it's happened again and ask for their help in stopping doing anything you might possibly be doing to piss people off? Just in case there is something you're not aware of?

I shouldn't be excluding myself (probably where I go wrong in the past as I get so worked up).

I was wondering whether that was what was going on here. If it is, in a way, that's great, because it's under your control and you can change the pattern this time!

I hope you do meet up with the other 2, it sounds like it could be really positive.

Anxiety/depression can be really skilled at squashing self esteem, so anything you can do to gain the upper hand is worth giving yourself credit for.

Oh, also wondering - if you feel up to it - whether some of the booklets on here might help:

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself

I found some of the stuff on self esteem and social anxiety helped some stuff click into place for me. They're not that heavy going, so you can flick through different ones to get a feel for what's in each topic and whether any of it resonates with you. No need to sit down and study them or anything like that.

Might not work for you, in which case ignore me, but I find it can help me with anxiety/depression to find small ways to feel in control again - even if that is only through gathering knowledge and understanding! Makes me feel less powerless and overwhelmed.

Could you ask the two you're friendlier with, casually, why you'd not been invited to the meet ups?