Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to Christmas party

52 replies

Clothrabbit · 26/09/2018 12:42

An email went around work last week, announcing that our Christmas party would be taking place in a pub in town, finger food, a dance floor and band playing from 10pm. We had to reply by Monday evening so the organisers would know the numbers.

It's not really my type of thing so I sent back a polite email saying that unfortunately it clashed with another event so I wouldn't be attending.
A few other people declined as well, but a reasonable sized number are going.

However, a few people are going around saying that the organisers go to a lot of trouble and it's very mean of staff to not support the event. We have to pay for ourselves, which isn't a problem if it's something I'd enjoy, but loud music and dancing aren't my thing. I'm being made to feel guilty, though, and am wondering AIBU to not just suck it up for the evening and show willing? I really don't want to. Between drinks and food and a taxi home it won't be cheap, and I'll spend the whole day dreading it.

OP posts:
Tryagaintomorrow · 26/09/2018 13:22

Ours is totally free, starts at noon so we get half day off, bar tab gets closed about 6ish I think.

Some people still book a days holiday every year so they don’t have to go! So YANBU

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 26/09/2018 13:29

So basically they’ve had many more people saying they weren’t coming than they anticipated/the previous years.

Tough. It just mean that their choice wasn’t the best ime for your ur organisation as a whole.

You don’t have to go. I know I wouldn’t.

LydiaLunch7 · 26/09/2018 13:32

Whether you should go or not (when you don't want to) usually comes down to how much not going would affect your work life.

Presumably you thought it wouldn't be an issue because you initially declined. If you still think it won't greatly affect your relationships with your colleagues, then I don't see any reason to change your mind just because of one guilt-tripping email.

Itsnotabingthingisit · 26/09/2018 13:34

To be absolutely shallow about these things, now I have a partner and DC's, the office Christmas party offers nothing for me apart from danger!

  • Too much flirting with colleagues that you have been close to all year
  • Too much drink and telling the boss a few home truths
  • Too much drink in general and feeling shit the next day when you haven't got the luxury of a ' sofa' day to get over it.

When I was young , free and single the promise of a decadent Christmas party was very exciting.

Can't really see the point now!

LydiaLunch7 · 26/09/2018 13:35

What I did, and it's something I'd highly recommend, is left and started my own business Grin

Not just to avoid awkward Christmas parties, but it's definitely a bonus!

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 26/09/2018 13:36

You've said no and you can't magically unclash your other event

Don't be drawn on it

I see your colleagues point as in these things are only good if everyone goes but if you are paying for it all, it's in your own time and it's not your kind of thing deffo swerve it.

LaGattaNera · 26/09/2018 13:40

It clashes with your prior arrangement (yes we know this is untrue however, they don't) and you cannot let the first lot of people down. End of.
Doesn't sound like a lot of trouble arranging it. Ring pub, book the date, book the food, book the music. Am sure pub is doing most of the work.

I wouldn't go OP!

theunsure · 26/09/2018 13:41

Definitely don't go if you don't want. It's not a summons.

I'm in public sector and we don't get paid for Christmas Do's. We do small team events instead. Our team goes for a cheap(ish) lunchtime meal and do secret santa - it's within everyone's budget but even then we sometimes have the odd person that can't or doesn't want to go and that is fine. We never push anyone to go.

scarbados · 26/09/2018 13:45

It's great being retired as I no longer have to politely decline/offer excuses/blatantly lie when invited to social occasions with people I work with and would rather stick pins in my eyes than socialise with.

Our office parties usually involved being one of several groups at a 'party suite' with unappealing choices from an overpriced menu and dancing to music I hated from a third-rate band playing so loudly it was impossible to have a conversation with anyone even if you wanted to. Welcome to Hell!

MrsExpo · 26/09/2018 13:46

Sounds like my idea of an awful night out too OP. Just politely say no and stick to it. I NEVER go to christmas stuff because I totally hate christmas and all the associated nonsense. People think i'm a grinch but I don't care. Don't go, wish them well and let them have their party.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/09/2018 13:47

Not my thing either but I still go. We all get on very well and it's good for morale.

viques · 26/09/2018 13:49

I stopped going to Christmas meals out because I got fed up of toying with a plate of soggy pasta bake, or that other seasonal delight the goats cheese and red onion tartlet, complete with wilted frisée and no dressing ,while everyone else was tucking into piled high plates of turkey and all the trimmings. One place even refused to give me a few roast potatoes and vegetables..... I worked for a while in two places, and got invited to both, which was when I decided that much as I loved (some of) my colleagues it wasn't enough to fork out the best part of £70 for two dreadful meals.

Oblomov18 · 26/09/2018 14:00

God, I love Christmas works do's. Anything, anywhere, any food, any which how it comes.
Mind you, all of mine in my last 3 company's, for the last 20 years have been paid for.

DavidBowiesEgyptianLoincloth · 26/09/2018 14:00

I organise the work Christmas do at my office. In terms of "effort", by far the most difficult part of it is chasing people for RSVPs, deposit money, and menu choices, and all that really involves is sending emails. I have absolutely no problem with people declining the invitation as long as they do so promptly so that I know what numbers I'm dealing with! People will always have clashing commitments at that time of year and I personally would never expect a 100% hit rate with the invitations.

So no - YANBU. The event will still happen and I'm sure the people who do go will still have a lovely time!

chocatoo · 26/09/2018 14:08

Of course you don't have to go, you are under absolutely no obligation.

79andnotout · 26/09/2018 14:11

My rule is I only go to these things if the company pays for them.

SgtFredColon · 26/09/2018 14:17

When I used to organise social events and Christmas parties at work, I had no problem with the people who declined early on for whatever reason. What got my goat was the serial offenders that said they were going and then didn’t show. So you are fine!

hollyjollychristmas · 26/09/2018 14:21

YANBU. I have organised a similar event for our office xmas do, 25 out of 40 people will be going. I would never dare of saying anything to the others who are not attending, how they spend their time and money is their business.

DarlingNikita · 26/09/2018 14:22

I think the people going around trying to make people feel guilty have got quite some brass neck seeing as you have to pay for yourselves. I'd say pleasantly but crisply, 'This again? I've already given my apologies' then walk away/turn back to my work.

Agentornika · 26/09/2018 14:23

Ours is a masquerade ball, no idea why they've decided on this but not many people are going. It's always on the same-ish date each year...the same date slap bang in the middle of my week in the canaries

Isleepinahedgefund · 26/09/2018 14:25

Agree you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, especially as it’s out of work and you have to pay yourself. If work were paying, I’d say you’d best show your face.

I declined the office Xmas lunch this year aswell. We also have to pay for ourselves, and the organisers took it upon themselves to pick somewhere pretty pricey for a set menu with no drinks included (even with a drink, would be too much!) I declined partly because I don’t want to go, and partly because I know a lot of the junior staff earning half what we do won’t be able to afford it. I wanted them to know it was ok to say no, and sure enough most of them declined after I loudly said in the office I thought it was too expensive! The organisers had even discussed it will all of us up high staff, and we all said it was unfair to expect the lower earners to shell out that much. Goodness knows why they still went with that option, unless they wanted to have an intimate lunch for two all along....

LydiaLunch7 · 26/09/2018 14:28

I can't really understand why adults in a workplace wouldn't be able to figure out and accept that not everybody likes the same thing. Why would you try to pressure someone who doesn't want to go into going?

Hushnownobodycares · 26/09/2018 14:31

YANBU, OP.

I gave up Christmas do's years back. Got sick of sitting back to back with another outfit's 'do' trying to make enough room to operate my knife and fork successfully while being fobbed off with eye wateringly hiked in price frozen sprouts and turkey.

Gave up any work do's actually after realising I was always stuck on the end of the lengthy table trying to make polite small talk with the misfit no-one else wanted to entertain while subbing everyone else's fun night out.

chorusline79 · 26/09/2018 14:33

Yanbu!

Don't go and don't feel guilty! I was guilted into going to a Christmas party we had to pay for and I couldn't wait to leave!

Bluesmartiesarebest · 26/09/2018 14:41

YANBU

You have politely declined so to keep asking you is just nasty. Keep saying ‘I’ve already said no and explained why. Please stop’

I agree with the pp about how awful most Christmas vegetarian meals are. Last year my DH got chips on the way home as the meal was so bad. I’d prefer to have beans on toast than some of the terrible food on offer!

Swipe left for the next trending thread