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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To revert back to court agreement

11 replies

Fuzzywig · 26/09/2018 12:38

Court agreed access is every second weeken and an evening through the week. If ex can’t make the mid week I have agreed it can be added onto the weekend so he picks the kids up on a Friday evening instead.

He is being a nightmare and trying to make life so difficult.

Is it unreasonable of me to revert back to the original agreement and not to deviate from it?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/09/2018 12:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If I were you, I'd just stick to the court agreement and that way he can have no complaints

Starlight345 · 26/09/2018 12:42

Yanbu unreasonable . Take the stress out of your life

Fuzzywig · 26/09/2018 12:52

Thank you both. He is stating we have an agreement and have to stick to it but I think anything altering the court agreement can be changed. I will tell him it’s not working for me.

I think I may have finally grown a set x

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Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 12:54

Keep a detailed diary op incase you go back to court. All the dates he missed and your offer of replacement ones.

Fuzzywig · 26/09/2018 12:58

Will do April. We probably will go back to court as he’s being an arse. I think he will throw this at me when we go back but if he is getting court agreed access which he requested this should be ok shouldn’t it?

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Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 13:02

Stick to the letter, it may make you lose out occasionally if you can't ask him to swop but honestly favours from an ex always come at a price so no more helping his schedule!
I once asked ex to pick me up some wipes and he told the court he should have the dc as I obviously wasn't coping!!

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 26/09/2018 13:05

You're only required to make the DC available for contact as per the court order. Anything else is a private agreement which you can change as necessary. YANBU.

Fuzzywig · 26/09/2018 13:06

Lol April what an arse.

I have bent over backwards to accommodate him but the second I try to rearrange because my child wants me to be there for them there is murder.

I really have had enough.

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WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/09/2018 13:36

He could try and throw it back at you but there's a reason that the court agreement is there in the first place. He's being difficult and he's caused you to revert back to the agreement so he can kick up a fuss all he likes but he's caused this.

Stick to the agreement, the court are obviously happy with it so why would they change it when he's being a nightmare?

WellThisIsShit · 26/09/2018 13:45

I think so, after all you are both supposed to do what has been agreed by the court. Full stop.

Your duty is to stick to that arrangement and do everything possible to make the child/children available at the given times.

There is no expectation that you merely use the court agreed arrangements as a loose start point for private negotiations and changes in schedule... it’s not as complicated as that. Or as disrespectful to the court, if you see what I mean?

Mind you, it’s great if parents can resolve animosity and not need to go back to court to rearrange schedules as life changes and children’s needs shift (although it never seems to be about the children’s needs, always about adults logistics, humm!).

But I think courts are very much aware that some people don’t go away and behave well after a court agreement, and that parents can play all sorts of games messing around with the schedule and turning up / not turning up etc.

So you’ve tried being accommodating, making changes to be helpful so the children still get time with their father even though he can’t/won’t stick to the original agreement. And sadly, he has responded by not sticking to the new plan, that he instigated, and it rather looks like he’s messing you and the children around, playing power games etc. So yes, reverting back to the original agreement to try and get everything working well again is a good plan in this situation.

I’d write in an email to him exactly why you are reverting back, and make it sound positive ie getting back to a schedule everyone can stick to, making everything clear again, needing to restore routine in the children’s lives etc. That way you are clear that you are taking the high road and not behaving like him, playing power games etc. And you have evidence for if and when you go back to court.

Poor you. Why do some people spend all this time and energy on such negative behaviours?!

Fuzzywig · 26/09/2018 13:53

I have been so stressed and exhausted.

What can he do by reverting back? Absolutely nothing is my guess as it’s court agreed.

He’s shot himself in the foot by being an arse I will not be so flexible in future that’s for sure.

Thank you for responding.

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