AIBU to just say ‘No’?

[hangrymoo]

When people ask you if you want to go somewhere/do a certain activity?

E.g do you want to go bowling on the weekend?

I always struggle with what to say to people if I don’t already have plans but I just don’t fancy the activity/going out or whatever.

Is it rude just to say oh no thanks I don’t fancy that?

It’s not rude but you have to be prepared for them to do it without you.

Ah no I’m having a night in, but thanks

Depends on whether you don't want to go out at all or just not that activity. If it's the former then a straightforward no thanks is fine. If the latter why not suggest an alternative?

I try to be polite and invent plans, eg... sorry, we already have plans on Saturday, maybe some other time?

It is kind of rude to say you just don't want to though I suppose it will save the trouble of them asking you to do anything again!

As long as you're polite ( which it sounds like you are ) it's fine OP.

It’s fine to say no. For any reason at all. You do need to be careful how you express it though.

I usually say “thanks for inviting me but I can’t make it” or “thanks for inviting me but I have other plans”

“I don’t fancy it” is probably a little blunt and potentially a bit rude. The only time I’ve ever said anything like that was when work colleagues invited me to see strippers.

I would do anything other than go bowling.

Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to for the benefit of other people. They might be in need of some fun or a person to chat to. Simply saying no in those circumstances isn't kind. If you don't want to do what they propose say you don't fancy that but suggest doing something else. If you don't want to see people because you need time alone tell them you need some time to yourself.

I think you should be honest with people, as long as you aren't being so brutally honest that you offend.

No

Seriously though, just politely saying you don’t fancy going/doing something isn’t rude.

Just say 'sorry I have plans, but thanks for inviting me'. Perfectly fine to say no thanks. But if you want them to keep inviting you to other things I would reciprocate with an invite to something else another time so they know you're not snubbing them, just don't fancy the activity they're suggesting

I have nice nails so my answer to bowling would be a lighthearted "With these nails? I don't think so!"

Seriously though, as I've got older, I'm becoming better at saying no.

Which is why I'm going to an expensive restaurant for my birthday with some friends who didn't fancy Chinese and fizz at my house which is what I really wanted to do.

Yeah, ignore me.

I think if you are happy to do something with them but not that particular activity you should just say and then suggest something else. I.e. well bowling isn't really my cup of tea but I'm available if you fancy going for a walk and a coffee? And if you just don't want to go out at all then just saying thanks for asking but I'm not really up for company at the moment, can I do something some other time? is fine.

If you want to see the person say bowlong is not my thing how about x instead?

If you don't want to see them have plans.

I always think its better to phrase it so there's no real come back. Saying "I don't fancy it" leaves you open to lots of "oh come on, you'll enjoy it when you're there, it'll be fun" type responses.

I would go with "thanks for inviting me but I can't make it".

Thanks for the replies so far!

It’s one particular friend who is so exhaustingly sociable. She wants to do something every weekend, and most weeks she will suggest something on a weeknight or two too.

I’m just not as sociable and have other groups of friends and family to spend time with too so I don’t want to be out all the time!

I’m also saving for my wedding so being quite frugal at the moment so also don’t want to spend money on activities I didn’t wanna do in the first place! But I feel like I can’t use the im skint excuse for cheap things like bowling.

People annoy me when they expect a yes.

I don’t like having to think up excuses or some big story about why I can’t don’t x, y, z, just because “no thanks I don’t fancy it” isn’t enough to some people.

My cousin is a newly qualified personal trainer and she’s dead in to her job which is great. She was putting loads of pressure on me to join up and do some sessions with her. I told her no thank you I don’t want to. I didn’t make up any excuses as I thought that would be enough. She hasn’t spoken to me since

How about “thanks for the invitation but I’m planning a quiet one this weekend. Need to recharge my batteries! Hope you have fun”

When I did Japanese classes they taught us that the Japanese just say "sorry, but" with an apologetic face! They don't follow up the "but" with anything else. It's a complete sentence. I love that and wish we could use it here! I hate trying to make up excuses for not wanting to do things. Although I am trying now to just be more honest.

I think you should hear the Ted talk on life changing magic of not giving a fuck.

I don't see the problem with saying 'thanks for the invite but I don't enjoy bowling, perhaps we can meet and do something else another day?', that's what I say if invited somewhere I'm not interested in or can't afford.

The only exception would be if it's someone's birthday. Then I might go.

The truth is often best
I would love to come with you but I really loath bowling so is it ok for me to just watch ?

they taught us that the Japanese just say "sorry, but" with an apologetic face! They don't follow up the "but" with anything else.

That’s wonderful Storm

I must be rude as I would say no don't fancy that with no qualms at all.
But then I've vowed recently to not make myself unhappy in order to make others happy