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Parents Ages

57 replies

LucyLoue1991 · 26/09/2018 07:22


Not AIBU, just wanted a variety of opinions.

I am a traditional Surrogate part of an agency and I’m currently at the point where I have access to Intended Parents profiles. The way the agency works is the surrogates choose to ‘Get to know’ a couple and if after a minimum of 3 months everyone is happy they do an agreement session. Once the agreement session is done the ‘team’ are then able to proceed with trying to conceive.

I have seen a couple that I really like the look of however the intended mother is 54 and the intended father is 59 and I was just after some opinions of older parents or people who had older parents and whether this would put you off or not? Part of me is a bit unsure but the other part of me thinks that this is not my judgement to make and if they feel they are able to be parents at that age I shouldn’t question it. Any opinions or advice welcome,

Thank you x

OP posts:

Piffle11 · 27/09/2018 17:07

I would think they are both too old. I was just past 41 when I had DC2: only yesterday he said he wished I was younger as he doesn't want me to die soon! I know parents of any age can get ill/have an accident, but why start off with the odds stacked against you? I didn't meet my partner til I was in my mid t 30s, so having DC earlier was not an option, but I wish it had been. I've noticed that my body isn't what it was: I may be calmer and have more time for the DC, but inside I ache, I'm getting arthritis, may need a hip replacement in the near-ish future … you get the picture. This couple is pretty much at grandparent age, not parent age. The needs of the child trump their desire every time.


TeacupTattoo · 27/09/2018 17:29

My father was 55 when I was born, I was 30 when he passed away. He was an amazing Dad and Grandad. My Nan was 49 when she had her only child, my Mum. A great parent can be any age. Illness and death can hit at any age. I am so so glad I got the Dad I did.


Nichelette · 27/09/2018 17:30

I think there comes a time when as someone looking to have a child, as painful as it might be to you personally, you need to consider the potential child itself. I couldn't have a child at that age knowing it would have to most likely have to deal with my health issues/death at a young age, especially if there were no siblings for support. Imagine trying to get through a degree for example if your parents were close to passing. I know it happens sometimes and we can't plan for everything, but those ages make it far more likely.


GoatWithACoat · 27/09/2018 19:03

Yeah it’s not just about the parents it’s thinking about the baby. While it would be lovely to begin with for mum and dad, it wouldn’t be in the best interests of the child in the future.


LostInShoebiz · 27/09/2018 19:11

How well off are they? If they are very comfortable they may well live a lot longer than average in which case, why not?


0lgaDaPolga · 27/09/2018 19:11

It’s sad for the couple but I would have to think about the baby in this situation.

I would think most people of their age would struggle with a baby or small child. My inlaws are similar ages to this couple, very fit and healthy but they find even a couple of hours with my (very easy) 16 month old incredibly taxing.

Also I know although parents can die or get ill at any age it’s quite likely the child will end up having to deal with looking after ill and elderly parents at a time in their life their peers will be going to uni, travelling etc and presumably wouldn’t have a sibling to share the burden with.


Kpo58 · 27/09/2018 19:16

I wouldn't have turned them down on age alone. If they didn't have any other children (between them or other partners), were fit and healthy, had a healthy lifestyle and no history of dementia or similar in the family then they could give the child a good life and are likely to fit and healthy into their 80s.

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