To be driven mad by this?

[AuntBeastie]

Have NCd

My brother and his wife have recently had a baby. He is beautiful. I really don’t think I am biased in saying he is probably the world’s most perfect baby.

He is the first of his generation in my family and my parents are completely and understandably besotted. It’s lovely.

But...

There is one issue which is driving me mad, and that is my mother’s inability to understand why I am continuing to live my life in a fairly normal way. She keeps on expressing total incredulity that I am making plans that don’t involve the baby.

Some examples:

• brother and SIL (who live a few hours away) are coming up for a few weeks over Christmas. DH and I have for 7 years now had a Christmas party the second weekend in December. This year that will be 2 days after DB and SIL arrive (they are staying with my parents who live close to me). DM cannot understand why I am not cancelling the party to be with the baby, even tho they are coming up for a few weeks.

• DM suggested we go and visit DB and SIL on a certain weekend. I said we couldn’t cos my DH has a signicant birthday and we are going away for a couple of nights. Cue total bafflement that we would do this instead of visiting the baby.

• we always split the Christmas period between my parents and DH’s parents. DM thinks this year we can just skip seeing DH’s family because they will understand we want to be with the baby.

It’s driving me mad. I adore my nephew, and I can’t wait to spend loads of time with him when I visit and when they visit. But AIBU to also want to live my own life at the same time?! I don’t know if I wanna was

Sorry that last half sentence was my dog jumping on the sofa

Bless her but she's nuts. Ynbu.

Yep they are being totally unreasonable and a bit barking. Obviously besotted. Let them gaze at him all day while you take a more balanced approach.

Yup, weird. I would just head tilt at her and say "huh?" until she stops.

Oh, gosh.... I'm sure she'll calm down! But, no, YANBU, just persist in gently living your own life, and have lots of lovely bonding time with your gorgeous nephew. Plenty of time for both.

I think this reflects on your mother not you. She wants to gaze adoringly ALL the time so anything less than that is not normal in her eyes. Balance is good, time to spend with DB, DN and DSIL and time to do other things.

It's sweet your parents are so besotted but YADNBU. I'm sure the babies parents won't want every family member fawning over their baby for every second of their visit and it is normal to continue life 98% as normal after the birth of a niece or nephew.

YANBU.

I'm always amazed when a grown adult thinks that they get to dictate the schedule and plans of another cognitively intact, grown adult.

If your mother wants to do nothing but sit and gaze at the baby 24/7, and Bro and SIL will let her do it, that's fine. But if she wants YOU to sit there and gaze at the baby 24/7 and then gets huffy or throws a strop when you say no, she's BU.

(I suspect that it might not be long before Bro and SIL are on here asking about how they can get her to STOP spending all her time with the baby if she's making a nuisance of herself.)

Your poor SIL

Oh God. Does your mother know she is going to drive such a massive wedge between herself and your SIL that the longest bridge in the world won't be able to cross it? She is going to suffocate the fuck out of them. Please stand your ground and tell her to CTFD.

Thank you for the reassurance! It obviously comes from a place of love, but it really is irritating

@Aquamarine1029 luckily because they live very far away I don’t think it will come to that - they don’t spend much time together (which is probably why she’s so desperate to maximise the time she does have!).

She and SIL get on very well and SIL (while absolutely lovely) wouldn’t be at all shy about letting her know if she was being overbearing so hopefully wedges can be avoided!

MIL was like this with DS (first and likely only biological grandchild) it's really not driven a wedge.

I just think it's sweet albeit slightly batshit. We live close, she has him every Saturday night and we get a date night.

I'm always amazed when a grown adult thinks that they get to dictate the schedule and plans of another cognitively intact, grown adult.

This is so true and so funny because my mother does the same !!!!

OP she will calm down eventually and will hopefully be a great babysitting resource for your brother and SIL. If not just pretend you have a cold and couldn't possibly dream of being around the baby in that state....

Two points

1. if your mother keeps on like this, your SIL will be downgrading her few weeks visit at Christmas to a few days

2. your brother gets a few weeks off work at Christmas?

Yep! I’m very jealous of his holiday entitlement I won’t say what his job is in case any of my family are on the site but it involves an on / off working pattern that can mean he has several weeks at a time of not working.