AIBU to take me DD’s phone from her?

[Jemimafuckingpuddleduck]

My daughter is 11 and has just started secondary, she is overall doing really well in school and seems to be enjoying it which obviously makes us really happy.

When we went for her “meet the tutor” evening we were surprised at how much the teachers allow the children to use their phones in school times, time table spreadsheets, class WhatsApp groups, emails from teachers with homework instruction etc it’s all actively encouraged however just put it down to me and DH being ancient and times very much changing!!

DD got an iPhone from Santa last year and while our main reason for buying it was starting secondary, walking to and from school bus, afterschool activities etc as we live rurally and obviously now uses it for school purposes within school hours she still has all the usual tween/teen apps snapchat, musically, tiktoc and like most kids would sit on it all day (if we’d let her) and we are careful to keep an eye on what she is doing and the amount of time she is on it!

Last night she did something really irresponsible and dangerous at home and as a punishment I have taken away all electronics laptop, phone the works!

She seemed to accept this punishment and was very apologetic until this morning when I told her it wouldn’t be going to school with her and she did and still is going ape shit, Apparently she won’t know where to go, what homework she has, any change in class or timetable, where to meet her friends for lunch and she will be in big trouble with her teachers...

For the record I do believe she wants it for school prurposes mostly, although know she is already missing her iTunes/headphones, chatting to her friends about their day (2 minutes after they have last seen each other!)

AIBU to think that there must be a way to get through a school day/week without a phone, surely not every single year 7 student has one, what do those kids do and how did all the generations of kids before mine get through school life without them...

DH husband thinks maybe we should give back for school purposes/hours but I can’t help but think that it really does leave us nothing in terms of consequences for bad behaviour (and the behaviour was really bad) and also in a world where nothing organic is left, even writing a timetable on a fucking bit of paper I should be be encouraging her to live a life without being dependent on a phone!!!

Check with her school what sort of impact it will have on her ability to participate. A cheap Nokia brick can always be used for contactability during her journey to and from school if that's a concern.

Yanbu.
11yr old DS has started secondary with a basic brick phone. He hasn't had any hassle because of it.
The school have also banned phones during the school day starting this term. I believe their motto is "see / hear, take". They aren't used in lessons at all.

DD tells me there are 2 children in her class (year8) that don't have smartphones. From a purely school perspective this means they are reliant on classmates to pass on e-mail messages and whe the teachers do things like write homework on the board and everyone else takes a photo, they have to scribble frantically. Phone is also used to search the internet during lessons and as a calculator. Although it is clearly possible to get by without one ,it sounds like a pain.

I'd have thought banning social media would be a more appropriate sanction.

I was a teacher for a number of years. If I got a £1 for every time a child forgot their calculator (which was a right pain when the lesson is on, for example, trig) I’d have retired at 25. But they never forgot their phone! I’d constantly be asked if they could use their phone as they’d forgotten their calculator.

When I left teaching, 3 yeas ago, my school still banned phones due to the problems they brought with them, like bullying. But I also worked in a school that gave all their students iPads and it was such an amazing resource to teach with.

Completely off track, sorry. Personally I’d call school to check if the lack of a phone is really going to be detrimental to her education.

In our school, timetables, homework and messages can be accessed via the school network with a device and internet connection. That does not need to be a phone but can be a laptop or a school computer. If you put the laptop on the kitchen table so she has to use it whilst being supervised then you are allowing her to meet her school obligations but not her social life.

You've just described my daughter! But her school don't 'rely' on phones in school. In fact it needs to be switched off & put in the locker at school times. Outside school hours there is comms via phone.

Thanks all!

I hate that some schools are reliant on Internet based learning & assume everyone had access to Internet.

I was a single parent & did not have a home pc or laptop or printer not to mention the costs for home broadband. every year I had to write to the school to ask them to issue paper notes, worksheets & homework to my son.

He often missed out or had a 2 day delay till next time in class when a teacher forgot to print stuff for him .
I was told he could use library pc but these need to be booked out in half hour time slots & they were often full or time slot was to short.
He left school last year so I'm not talking many years ago.

Some schools may save money by posting online or accessing school apps but not all parents can afford to access them .

I would call the school before removing phone altogether as it may affect her learning.